Poppy and Sunny chat a little on the way, but it’s clear Sunny is tired. She keeps yawning, and her blinks get longer and slower. I’m too preoccupied with the conversation that needs to be had to really participate. My place isn’t all that far from the bar, and at this late hour, it doesn’t take long to get there.
We say a quick good-bye, and I get out first, helping Poppy as the driver holds the door open. She doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk up the steps to my front door. I try to see my house from her perspective, but all I have are flashes of Miller falling into my foyer and a red ponytail I didn’t get to touch that night.
I key in the passcode and step aside. Poppy releases my hand and crosses the threshold. Her fingers drift up to her lips as she scans the foyer. It’s open, with a view of the staircase leading to the second floor where the bedrooms are.
Poppy slips off her shoes and pads across the floor on bare feet with pale pink-painted toenails. I don’t bother taking my shoes off, too intent on following her around.
Her fingertips skim the edge of the side table where I keep my keys and mail as she passes through to the kitchen.
I come up behind her, unsure whether I have the right to touch her at all. “What are you thinking about?”
“How different I felt the last time I was here.”
“In a good way, or a bad way?”
“Good, I think.” She rests a hand on the granite countertop. “This is nice. Do you cook?”
“Not really.”
“I like to cook sometimes, but I don’t think I’m very good.”
“Better than me, I’m sure.”
A small laugh bubbles up. “Maybe. It’s not much fun when it’s just for one person, and then I have to eat the same thing for lunch and dinner for four days.”
She continues on to the living room, her gaze falling on the sliding glass doors. Her smile drops, and she crosses to them. Turning the lock, she slides it open. The cold makes her shiver, and she wraps her arms around herself as she steps outside.
I have no memories of her in the hot tub, and that bothers me. That whole night bothers me. I wish I could delete the entire night from her head like I’d mostly done in mine.
“I never made it outside, out here.” She gestures to the hot tub. “Kristi and Felicity came out with you and Randy, and I snuck away to the bathroom.”
“Maybe we should’ve gone to your place. I haven’t had anything to drink. We can go now.” I reach for her hand, but she shakes her head.
“No. I want to be here.”
“But the memories are bad ones.”
“We can replace them with good ones eventually, can’t we?”
I squeeze the back of my neck. She’s talking like there’s a future, which is good. I don’t want to jeopardize it with bad memories before we can even deal with the fallout of Tash.
Poppy circles the hot tub; on her way back around, she hooks her pinkie finger with mine. “Come on.”
I wish I knew what’s happening inside her head.
“I was so embarrassed.” Her voice is a whisper of sound.
“I’m sorry.”
She turns and presses a palm against my cheek. The contact is fleeting, but welcome.
“I know you are, and I know it’s for the right reasons.” She heads back to the kitchen and opens the cabinet next to the sink, where the glasses are. I don’t ask how she knows where to find them. She must have gone searching when she was here before.
“I must’ve stayed in the bathroom forever. I didn’t know what to do. My phone and wallet and keys were in Kristi’s purse, and she had it outside—but the hot tub… I couldn’t go out there. I knew Kristi wanted to hook up with you, and I just couldn’t—” She shakes her head. “I felt so dumb. I never thought I’d meet you again, and I’d certainly never dreamed it would go like that.”
I hate that she looks like she’s on the verge of tears. I wonder if she’s shed any in the days since I’ve last seen her. If she has, it’s my fault. “We don’t have to talk about this—”
“I want to. I need to.” She turns on the faucet and pours herself a glass of water, filling one for me, too. She takes a deep breath. “Eventually Miller’s pizza came. I thought maybe you’d all come back inside, but you didn’t. I snuck out and went upstairs, thinking I could wait it out and grab my things from Kristi’s purse.” She takes a sip of her water.
“But she brought it to my room,” I supply. Jesus. My stomach feels like someone’s kicking a lead balloon around inside it.