I’m not sure if I’ll ever come to terms with the mistakes I’ve made. It’s such a hard thing, forgiving myself for not wanting the beautiful life I had in New York.
Forgiving myself for wanting more.
I want Eli, too. I miss him. Badly. But he wants commitment. He wants the end. And I’m only at the beginning of my story.* * *I forgot how quiet it is in small town New York. I feel like I’m a million miles from the energy and bustle of Charleston.
Ted is waiting for me at the door when I arrive.
He’s smiling. Like I’ve come here to beg him to take me back. Not to return his ring.
Clearly something weird is going on.
He lopes down the front steps of our house—it’s prettier than I remember, very New England with cedar shake siding and a gabled roof—and opens my car door, holding it while I climb out.
“I’ve missed you,” he says, kissing my cheek. The citrusy smell of his cologne fills my head. So different from the potent, smoky scent of Eli’s skin. “C’mon inside. I just decanted a nice bottle of Bordeaux.”
I blink. “Ted. I told you I’m just swinging by to grab my stuff. I’m not staying.”
He meets my eyes. Slides his hands into his pockets.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” I reply. When he doesn’t move, I ask, “What’s going on?”
Ted shifts uncomfortably on his feet. “I thought you were coming back because you changed your mind. Clearly you’re not staying in Charleston, so…”
I just stare at him, too angry—too bewildered—to speak for several beats.
“Ted,” I begin slowly. “I came back to get my things. Like I told you. I have plans to return to Charleston at the end of the semester. I’m not staying.”
“I know you said that,” he says, a red flush creeping up his neck onto his face. “But I didn’t think you were serious. C’mon, Olivia. You ran away to write a romance novel, for God’s sake. What kind of future does that afford you? It doesn’t even compare to the future we have here. The future we have together. I still want to marry you. And I think you want to marry me, too. Please say yes. One word. It’s easy.”
For several beats I just stare at him, the realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. So this is why Ted was okay with me seeing other people during our break. This is why he was so cool when I broke up with him for good.
He thought I wasn’t being serious.
He assumed I’d be too scared, that I’d miss him too much, to ever be with someone else, or to stay in Charleston for good.
He didn’t think I’d have the balls to do it.
I’m gripped by a sudden rush of anger. How incredibly condescending of him to assume such a thing about me. Ted has always been confident in himself. But I never thought he’d be so arrogant about me.
Maybe I was scared before. But I’m not scared now. I didn’t come all this way for easy.
I didn’t come back all this way just to end up where I started.
Looking away, I duck back into the car and dig the ring box out of my purse. I hold it out to him and meet his gaze.
“My answer is no,” I say firmly. “And trust me when I say I am dead serious about not staying. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go grab some things from inside.”* * *I spend the night at my parents’ house. They’re stricken when they hear the news.
“You gave it back?” my mother gasps. “That flawless, gorgeous four-carat diamond ring? Are you crazy?”
My dad shakes his head, grabbing another beer from the fridge. “You’re going to regret this, Olivia. You’re making a mess of your life. I don’t understand it.”
Just wait until they hear that I’m quitting my job and moving to South Carolina to teach and write steamy romance. They’ll be horrified by the ridiculousness of it. And I’ll smile at the awesomeness.
After I went to see Ted, I stopped by my office to hand in my resignation. Like my parents, my boss was flabbergasted I’d give up the tenure I’d worked nearly a decade to get to possibly teach creative writing halfway across the country.
“How about you finish out the semester here?” she said. “If you’re still sure you want to quit in December, then I’ll accept this resignation. Deal?”
I agreed, but I already know I’ll be handing in the same resignation letter the day my students finish their final exams. I may not have Eli to go back to in Charleston. But I do have a whole new life waiting for me there whenever I decide to return. A life I am very excited to begin.
Later that night, I dig my laptop out of my bag and Google “Charleston SC apartment rentals”. My budget—and the places within that price range—are tiny. But I admit I feel a little thrill at the idea of having a place of my own. I get high thinking about what my new life is going to be like living there.