“But?”
Another sip. The alcohol bites; this cocktail is stronger than the first. I let out a breath through my teeth. Think about my answer. No one’s asked me that question. But if everything’s good, why the heaviness?
Maybe because I haven’t told anyone how I’ve been feeling.
Why am I telling Eva?
Probably because she’s been open with me. Unafraid to admit that things are less than perfect in her world. Makes me feel safe—welcome—to admit the same about my own.
So much of my life is about appearances. Expectations.
But with Eva, I can just be myself. Worries and flaws and all.
It really is so damn refreshing.
“But I feel drained all the time. Like I’m breathing through a straw. Which doesn’t make sense. I love my work. Love my daughter. I feel good about the choices I’ve made, it’s just…” I shrug. “I don’t know. Guess I’m overwhelmed at the moment, especially with Grey going on paternity leave. I have this running to-do list in my head that never ends. Sometimes I feel like I live just to check off boxes.”
Eva sips thoughtfully on her drink. “So, clearly I have zero experience with parenthood or kids or juggling being a single dad while running a company. But it sounds like you don’t have much time for yourself. When was the last time you did something you enjoyed, just because you wanted to? Not because you had to, or it was a line item on that to-do list. But because you wanted to?”
Scoffing, I say, “I honestly can’t remember. I read before bed. Does that count?”
“Welp,” Eva replies, sipping her drink. She angles her body a little closer to mine. Her bare knee brushes my thigh. Neither of us move. “What do you read? Please tell me it’s dinosaur erotica or something.”
“I’d be down with some dinosaur erotica. But lately it’s just been a lot of parenting books. I’ve been feeling guilty for being away from Bryce so much, so…” I say. And then I laugh.
Eva laughs, too. “So you’re punishing yourself by skipping the lizard sex and diving straight into, what, sleep training?”
“Sleep training happened when Bryce was a baby, but…yeah. Something like that.”
“Wow,” Eva says. “When did we become such lame adults?”
“It happens slowly,” I reply with a grin. Her knee is still touching my leg, her skin burning a hole through my pants. “By tiny, depressing degrees. But I refuse to be lame tonight. We may be adults, but we’re not dead. Let me take you out—one more drink.”
“But I’m supposed to meet Gracie here.”
“Shit. That’s right. Never mind, then.”
“Wait—lemme see if she’s texted.” Eva pulls her phone out of her bag. Her brows come together as she pulls up a chat. “Hm. Gracie says she and Luke got ‘tied up.’ I think she means that literally.”
“Sounds fun.”
“I know, right?”
My mind latches onto a memory: my hands bound with the straps of Eva’s bikini top over my head. Eva straddling my knees, ducking down to swallow my dick. Fast and wet.
A pulse of heat gathers just where I do and don’t want it. We’d always been really good at that. Sex. Fucking. Making love.
Even kissing—she and I could make out for hours. Totally in tune with each others’ mouths, moans. Hence the Dave Matthews Band tattoos.
Feels like a lifetime ago. Especially considering the only person’s needs I’m in tune with at the moment are Bryce’s. Which include, in no particular order: ice cream, Paw Patrol, and pink crocs.
“So you’re free for another drink,” I say.
Eva looks up from her phone. Studies my face for a moment.
“I don’t know…”
“Just one. Please. Jackass is gone, I swear it.”
She takes a breath. Lets it out. “Where do you want to go? If we were to get this one drink?”
“You’re the one looking for inspiration. You tell me where you’re most likely to find it.”
She keeps looking at me. Two and a half beats later, she sets her empty glass on the bar with a definitive thump. “Do single dads still dance?”
I pull back, furrowing my brow. “Do I still dance. Eva. My God. I’m offended you’d even ask. Hell, I even got my curmudgeonly older brother to dance. To Bowie, no less.”
“Aww, how cute were Greyson and Julia dancing together at their shower? Great playlist, by the way. Nice mix of wholesome wedding band songs and subtly dirty R&B.”
People usually don’t set up speakers and a dance floor at a baby shower. But Grey has come a long way since he first met Julia a year ago—before, he didn’t smile, didn’t have a life outside work, and definitely didn’t dance—so dancing with his family and friends in celebration of the new life he’s beginning felt right.
I tilt my head in a mock bow. “Something for everyone. I’m proud of a lot of things, but that playlist ranks at the top of the list. Thank you.”