Fuck. There’s no way. There is no way she doesn’t feel my steel rod of a cock pressed up against her. Not when her breasts are smashed against my front and I have her pussy just… right… there. Not when I have her scent in my nose, inhaling her into my lungs with every intake of breath, intoxicating me, getting me high on this woman I’m completely and unequivocally consumed with. One second, one series of movements, and I could lower my pajama bottoms just enough to set my cock free and move her little shorts to the side, and I’d be inside her. Inside that wet heat I feel rubbing against me with each stride I take up the rest of the stairs, past my dog, and toward her room right next to mine as he follows behind me.
I take her to her bed, the front of my legs pressing against the side of her mattress, and I know she knows where we are, yet she doesn’t let me go. She stays tightly wound around my body, the sweetest torture, her head nuzzling into the side of my neck where she’s breathing me in. Deep breaths in and slow exhales out. Her air slides down the neckline of my tee, a gentle caress that sets my skin ablaze.
I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stand one more second of this, even though I’d give my life to stay just like this. Because if I keep holding her, feeling her breathe me in like I’m her oxygen, I’m going to give in to my every desire. I’m going to move the waistband holding back my cock. I’m going to tug her shorts to the side. I’m going to take her sweet, hot little cunt that I fantasize about day in and day out.
And she’s not ready. She’s not ready for that. For me. For us.
So I bend at the waist and lay her down on the bed, my eyes squeezing shut and my teeth clenching until they feel like they’ll shatter. And still, she doesn’t let go.
I balance on my forearms so I don’t squash her tiny form, even though that tiny body of hers tightens around me, crushing me to her like she’s never going to let me go.
And that’s when I feel it. The lightest press of her lips against my throat, the tiniest flick of a lighter that sets my entire existence on fire. And I shudder, my whole body convulsing like it was a Taser she stuck to me and not just those plush, perfect lips.
Fuck, I growl inside my head, or do I say it aloud? I don’t know. I don’t know anything except the way Astrid feels beneath me.
But as much as I want to latch on to that miniscule unspoken invitation and follow it back to the woman who sent it, I know, know it would ruin every fucking thing I’ve worked so hard to heal inside her. Just when she’s finally opening up. Just when she’s finally asked me to spend time with her. Just when she’s finally not fucking hiding from me.
So, I pray for strength as I reach behind my neck and unwind the death grip she has on me there, kissing the inside of her wrist where her other hand had such a tight lock on it that it left marks. She shudders, and her pussy moves against me, and I have to fight back my own unmanly whimper. I reach behind my lower back and unlock her ankles, and I can’t help giving myself just this one feel of her. Just one. Just the one slow glide of my roughened palm up the outside of her long, smooth leg from her ankle, up her calf, and down her thigh until I reach those tiny pink pajama shorts, where I grip her hip in my big hand. And she shivers.
“I want—” she whispers, but I cut her off. Because if I hear the words, hear her admit it. Hear her ask for it. Beg for it. I won’t be able to say no. I won’t be able to deny her, because I’d never be able to deny her anything.
“Not like this, goddess,” I say low, my voice gravelly as I grasp on to the final thin tendrils of my control. “Not when five minutes ago you were terrified of my touch.” I nuzzle my face into her neck, smelling her intoxicating scent. “I’d give anything to have you, but not like this.” I make sure she knows how much I want her, desire her, so she doesn’t feel rejected. Never, ever rejected.
And then I kiss the underside of her jaw, and with the last bit of strength I have left inside me, I push myself up off her and pull her covers around her, tucking her in.