“Yeah, I was just going to get Jared to watch a movie,” Enzo says awkwardly, his eyes zeroing in on Jared. There is a silent exchange between the two of them that makes me curious about what they are really up to—recon to figure out what Mack is up to?
I let them walk away, leaving me with the man I was supposed to call my father.
“Here.” James reaches into the front pocket of his jacket and pulls out a white piece of paper folded many times. He extends his hand to give it to me, but I pause for a moment, unsure about all of this.
“What is it?”
“A letter from your mother. She gave it to me on the slim chance I ever saw you after her death. She told me you were okay, and I wasn’t to go out looking for you. She said if you wanted to know about me, you would come to me.”
He may have been able to hide it from others, but the hurt in his voice tells me my mother’s words hurt him to the core.
“Have you read it?” I ask, taking the note from him. I don’t know if I want to open it here and read it. Maybe I should do it in private.
“No, I haven’t. It’s addressed to you, and I wasn’t going to overstep my boundaries.” At least he is honest. The paper is nice, the kind you would write official letters on and shit.
Taking a few deep breaths, I unfold it like a present on Christmas morning. I want—no, need to read this note. If anything, I know it holds some type of answer.Dearest Amara,It saddens me deeply you won’t see this letter until well after I am gone. As I lie here beside you watching you sleep, I write this with tears streaming down my cheeks. My heart is breaking for the pain I know I will cause when you finally discover my biggest kept secret. I truly hope this letter finds you in good times. Please know I never meant to hurt you in any way. I kept this secret in order to protect you.
I grew up loving two people, but the love I had for each was quite different. Falling for John was easy. He was alluring and charming, but it wasn’t the kind of love I felt for James... his brother. James made me fall without even realizing it. So, if I wanted to stop it, I never had the chance. He was simply mesmerizing. Looking back now, I know I should have chosen James from the very beginning, but the love I had for John felt as if it was good enough.
John was my safe place when I needed to hide, so I stayed with him, and we started our life together. Those were our best years. Those were the years when I still knew him. He always had dreams to become a police officer, and when he finally graduated from the academy, he became a different person. Little by little, it was like something changed inside of him. He became more and more wrapped around his cases. His choices changed, and his beliefs became more about his career. He stopped giving me the love and respect I deserved. I was put on the back burner, and my complaints went unnoticed. If they were noticed, it was with a fist. The bruises eventually faded, slowly taking the love I had for him with them.
This ultimately pushed me into James’s arms. He was always there, witnessing the changes in his brother, as well. I felt as if I had lost my husband. In all honesty, at this point, he was already dead to me. When James lost his wife, I was there for him, and through this, we reconnected. What started as two friends being there for each other turned into something more. We became one. The magnetic pull we always had for each other came back even stronger. We knew it wasn’t right, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and our hearts wanted each other.
I found myself falling completely out of love for John, and when he discovered the affair, my life shattered. He knew James had a connection to a particular case he was assigned, so he threatened him and accused him of rash things. He told me I couldn’t leave him, and if I tried, he would kill me. He had so much rage in his eyes when he spoke those words to me; I knew he meant every single one of them. I became a shell of myself, not living, only existing.
Then I found out about you, Amara, and you changed everything in my life. You gave me a reason to do more than simply exist. John loved you, you were his princess, but... he wasn’t your father. He knew this from the moment I told him about you, yet he always treated you as his own. I never understood why, but I guess, in a way, you were part of him just the same. My only regret is I never had the chance to let James know before John took me away.