Something for the Pain (Pain 2)

And just like that he disappears into his room, leaving me craving more. Having him touch me like that and not feeling him deep inside me, filling me, is like taking my will to breathe away. I feel like a total mess right now.

I sit in the bathtub, not wanting to move for a good twenty minutes, before finally draining the water and taking a quick shower, hoping to clear my head.

All I can manage to think about is the last time I was in this shower with Alex making love to me. This has all become too overwhelming for me. I’m trying, but I can’t put Alex back into the friend zone. Not wanting to touch him is almost as hard as not breathing. I’m starting to feel as if I need him to survive. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

Feeling completely out of it, I get dressed and quickly do my hair and makeup, before heading downstairs to search through the cupboards for snacks and drinks that we have on hand. Surprisingly we still have a shit ton of alcohol sitting around. I really don’t know why Alex felt he needed to go to the store.

Alex shows up sometime during my search, setting five plastic bags down onto the kitchen island. “I got a bunch of shit for tonight.” He pulls out a bag of Mesquite BBQ Krunchers. “Your favorite chips for one.” Then he pulls out five more bags and tosses them down, watching me with a smile.

I laugh when I notice that’s the only type of chips he got; every single bag. “Did you really only buy my favorite chips?”

“Yeah.” He shrugs his shoulders as if it isn’t a big deal. “If we run out I will just buy you some more. We’re also going to be serving a shitload of these motherfuckers tonight.” He winks and flashes me his playful dimples, before pulling out a bunch of stuff to make Daiquiris.

I laugh even harder, totally pleased that he went to the store just to make sure that I had my favorite things. “You seriously couldn’t be a better friend.” Without thinking, I wrap my arms around his neck and crush my lips to his, moaning as he runs his tongue over my parted lips.

It happened so fast and came so naturally that I didn’t even realize I started it until a throat clears beside us, bringing me back to reality.

We both pull away—well I pull away—and turn beside us to see Harley pulling up a stool. She grabs for a bag of my chips and opens them, popping one into her mouth as if nothing unusual just happened.

“Hey, y’all.” She pops a few more chips into her mouth and talks while chewing. “These are damn good. I haven’t had these since the last time you stayed at my house.” She looks at the kitchen island. “Oh good. There’s more. I’m eating this whole damn bag.”

Alex sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and releases it, before smiling at me and backing out of the kitchen. “Enjoy, ladies. I’ll be out back.”

Harley and I both stare at each other in silence until Alex is out of earshot.

I break first, panicking. “Fuck me.”

“Maybe later,” she responds. “I’m holding out for Ace tonight. Mind if I use your room?”

“No!” I yell. “Gross . . .” I grab the bag of chips from her and toss them aside when she continues to pop them into her mouth, chewing as if there’s no tomorrow. “I can’t stop, Harley. I just kissed him without a second thought, as if he’s my fucking boyfriend. That is not good. Not good at all.”

“It looked pretty good to me, and it definitely fucking looked good for him too.” She stands up and helps me shove the bags of ice into the freezer. “If I hadn’t walked in that boy was going to bend you over that kitchen island and fuck you into oblivion.” She points toward the back door. “He walked out that back door with a raging fucking hard-on. You’re not the only one that can’t stop. So why bother? Why stop?”

I slam the freezer door shut and grip my hair in frustration. “Because we’re supposed to be best friends. That’s why. We’re supposed to be able to come to each other for anything and everything. We’re supposed to be able to talk to each other, give each other advice, and look out for each other. Giving in and trying could ruin all of that if it doesn’t work out. I can’t lose him, Harley. You know that.”

Harley looks at me as if I’m stupid. Her face stays blank for a few seconds, before she breaks into a sad smile. “Well apparently I’m the only one that can see this for what it really is; that you guys are made for each other. You two fuckers are damn blind if you ask me.” She grips my shoulders and shakes me, as if to wake my ass up. “You will never lose him. Listen to my words. Never. Alex couldn’t leave you if he wanted to.”

I tilt my head up to meet her eyes. “Why?”

Harley smiles as if she has the only answer I need. “Because he’s in love with you.” The doorbell rings. Harley gets excited and releases my shoulders. “Now let’s party.”

EVER SINCE MY CONVERSATION WITH Harley, I haven’t been able to keep my thoughts in check. How could she say what she did? How could she get my hopes up that Alex could possibly be in love with me? It only confuses me even more? She’s a shitty friend . . . at least right now, and she is definitely not using my damn room. She can get laid in Ace’s shitty old car.

Everyone around me is partying, drinking, playing games, and doing who knows what, yet here I am sitting on the edge of the pool, dipping my legs inside, and just trying to get lost into my own little world.

I feel bad, especially after Alex took the time to take a trip to the store, but I just can’t get my head into having fun.

Random people, a few cute guys included, have sat down next to me in an attempt to get me hyped up, but once they figure out that I’m not interested in anything but sitting here and moping, they take off to find someone that actually knows how to have fun.

I look up from the water and see Alex entertaining a group of people by the bonfire. He’s talking to them, holding conversations, and catching the attention of every girl around him, yet I catch him looking my way every few minutes.

I smile at him when I catch him looking again, but instead of smiling back he clenches his jaw as if he’s bothered. I instantly feel like shit that I’m most likely ruining his fun and possibly even his game. I’m sure me sitting here like a loner is holding him back.

Jumping to my feet, I grab my drink and get ready to make my way inside, but as soon as I make it to the door I feel a hand grab mine and pull me.