Darius snorted softly next to him.
“I’m sorry that I’m being difficult, Darius. But you’re the one thing I don’t want to rush anything with. I want to enjoy every second of normalcy we can get, and that includes the uncertainty of ‘does he, doesn’t he’ and letting our relationship develop naturally.”
Darius sighed and observed Gray for a beat. “You’re not being difficult, knucklehead. I’ve been there. We joke about our age difference, but it would be weird if we never hit any serious hurdles over it.”
“What do you mean?” Gray asked warily. The word “serious” didn’t sound awesome.
“I mean that, when I was your age, I didn’t want anything set in stone either,” he replied. “Hell, up until last year, I could barely spell commitment—”
“I’m not afraid of commitment.” Gray shot him an incredulous look and hoped they wouldn’t have problems in that department. “I just don’t want any steps forward to be the result of a sacrifice. Like, fuck, I want you to possibly want a family because it feels right, because you want to be a father, not because the guy you’re seeing happens to wanna adopt a kid who deserves a family.”
They’d reached a truck stop with a couple diners and a gas station, and Darius waited to reply until they were both out of the vehicle.
Gray grabbed a bottle of water from the back seat.
Darius lit up a cigarette. “Can I speak now?”
Gray resisted rolling his eyes. “I’ll allow it.”
“Thanks. I was only making a point about how we change over time. When I was young, I wanted to live day-to-day and let the dice roll. Especially with relationships—but that’s me. Not saying it’s you.” He took a drag from his smoke. “But the rest—I wanna have shit settled nowadays. Back in the day, I didn’t care whose couch I crashed on. Now I wanna be able to come home to my house, to my bed, and drink my own coffee.”
Made sense, and Gray could relate now more than ever. It was a longing that had built up within him since they’d returned to Camassia.
Something glinted in Darius’s hazel eyes. “I probably needed the reminder you gave me—’cause with you, I find I want everything settled stat. But that’s not what I was talking about before. It was Jayden. I wanted to make it clear that you’re not the only one who got charmed by Oliver Twist.”
That halted Gray from having a swig of water, and he lowered the bottle again. “You’re saying…”
“I’m saying that I sure as shit wouldn’t take him in as a what, favor? No, sacrifice was the word you used.” Darius shook his head. “There’s no choice with Jayden. Timing didn’t matter. He showed up when he showed up, and now he’s with us. I want him close too. I want him in my home.”
Gray mustered a wobbly little smile, and he was…yeah, he was definitely shocked. And yet, not. That was the thing with Darius. He was the reluctant hero. He could bitch and moan quite a bit, but when push came to shove, he was there. More than that, he wanted to be there.
Darius stubbed out his smoke before he was finished with it, and then he closed the distance and observed Gray in that contemplative way of his. “I’ve never had a healthy relationship before, Gray. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of man, with the crucial detail that it’s been a whole lot of nothing before you. But full steam ahead… You’re right, we shouldn’t rush us.” He paused. “All right. So, you’re staying with me—at my place. We won’t call it your home until we’re on the same page—which means we should keep our relationship separate from everything to do with Jayden. Because if we wanna be granted custody and become his foster parents, his future caseworker is gonna wanna see stability. They need to see that we’re serious—and that we’re in this together.”
The uncertainty made a swift return, but it was the good kind of uncertainty. The road ahead of them wasn’t paved yet, and it shouldn’t be. Instead, it was a perfect dirt road that led to the home where they’d be parents. Jesus fucking Christ. Parents. Gray’s pulse went through the roof, and he pinched his lips together in a failed attempt to hide his grin.
“I’m actually gonna be a dad one day.” He spoke between his fingers, probably sounding like an idiot.
Darius smiled softly. “You’ve dreamed about this.”
Gray nodded and let his hand fall. “Since I was little. I’ve always wanted a family.” He needed to be closer, so he stepped forward and squeezed Darius’s hand.
“You and Jayden turned it into a dream for me,” he murmured. Then he smirked and rubbed his chest. “It’s strange, innit? Overwhelming.”
Gray was suddenly glad he’d had his minor meltdown in the truck, because he could see that Darius would need to process this. It was one-part comforting—Gray wasn’t the only one wandering in the dark—and one-part scary, because it also proved how much Gray had been depending on Darius. But the truth was, Darius didn’t have all the answers to everything. And if Gray thought a bit further than that, he could imagine Darius being the man who rushed ahead to make everyone he cared for comfortable, without pausing and reflecting if this was what he actually wanted for himself.