One moment, I was alone in the world, then Jasper found me, and I found my dad, only for it to all disappear.
It’s been a few weeks since that bloody night, but I still can’t get it out of my head. I still have nightmares about it.
I’ve been forced out of grief too soon, though. Because people are after my family’s business, and I promised Dad I’d continue his legacy.
Enzo has stayed with me, and since he’s been working with my family since the beginning, it’s been going well for the most part.
I had a talk with him soon after the funeral and asked him if he wanted to talk business or grudges. If it was business, he would get a partner in me. If it was a grudge, then Dad and Lucio’s deaths should pay for any wrongful deeds they carried against his and Jasper’s family. Enzo shook my hand and said he’d help me if I gave him a few shares.
He has such a manipulative streak. It’s like he can’t get anything done unless he has some sort of benefit from it.
I reconnected with Dinah and Katya and offered them positions in Costa’s private clinics. They’ve been there for me when I told them some of what happened since I disappeared. They hugged me and consoled me.
I didn’t tell them about the pain I felt every night when I went to sleep. During the day, I act as the new Costa leader, putting rebels in place and trying to keep the power Dad entrusted to me, but at night, all the pain returns.
At night, I touch my neck and when I don’t find the collar, I cry in my pillow.
You’re free.
His words still echo like doom in my head. He didn’t only tell me I’m free but he also left. For Good.
Every day, I watch my surroundings, trying to see him or conjure him in people.
Every day, I resist the urge to ask Enzo about him. Is he eating well? Living well? Does he think about me as much as I think about him?
There’s so much pain between Jasper and me. So many grudges. So much family history and murders.
The loss of my father is still like a black hole inside me. I want to believe that time will heal it and that maybe I’ll wake up one day and forget, but I know that’s not the case.
However, all those feelings disappear when I dream of him, of his hands, of his damn touch.
His absence is an entirely different pain altogether. His absence makes me feel as if I’m Joseph again, all alone and with no one to help me.
Yes, I have the power, the money, the family name, but does it matter if he’s not here?
Before he left, Jasper sent me a gift. Phoebe — the stray black cat I used to feed on my way to the hospital. She’s grown now. The man who delivered her said he’s from a special animal shelter and they’ve been taking care of her for months.
Jasper made me the crazy cat lady he always said I am. Mrs. Hudson accepted her immediately, but Mr. Bingly is still wary of her.
“Do you go back to Sicily?” I ask Enzo after our legal teams leave the conference room.
He leans over in his chair and interlaces his hands on the table. “Why? You want something from there?”
I straighten in my chair and clear my throat. “I’m just asking about everyone there.”
“Salli and Francesco are fine. Angelo and everyone else, too. If that’s what you mean.” His mismatched green-gray eyes gleam with devious amusement as if he knows that’s not what I mean.
Fine. I’m done pretending I don’t want to hear about him.
“How is he doing?” I murmur.
“He?”
“You know. Stop playing with me,” I snap.
Enzo smiles. “Working, like you. Looking for potential spouses, like you.”
“I’m not looking for potential spouses. They keep pestering me to be the next Costa leader, and I always said no.” My voice lowers. “He’s looking for a wife?”
“Sicily is traditional, Costa. He needs a wife.”
I tell myself that Jasper isn’t the marrying type, but is that true? Maybe he’ll give in to fulfill his duties.
The idea of another woman sharing his bed, of him fucking her, owning her, and bringing her that type of pleasure makes my blood boil.
He told me I’m free, but am I? Really?25JasperWhoever said it’s easy to move on should get a bullet to the head.
No, that’s lenient, a knife, and not to the heart. They should die by a thousand cuts.
Time heals everything is the lie of all lies. It’s the fucking epitome of lies.
There’s no such thing as fucking healing. It’s an open wound that just keeps getting infected the more time passes.
That’s what’s been happening since I told my little Petal goodbye. For real. No stalking, no lingering about.