I don’t stop until we’re outside and Amy’s pulled the front door shut behind her. Only when I’m sure Hope can’t hear any part of this conversation do I finally look my ex-wife in the eye and call her on her shit. “Which is it, Amy? She’s going to seduce me into giving her a place to stay, or she’s wanted me forever? It can’t be both, can it?”
“You can’t trust her. I told you what she did at Allegiance.” She fists her hands then releases them. “And there’s more you don’t know, too.”
Amy told me Stella seduced the boss and then quit when she couldn’t talk him into giving her a promotion. It was a bunch of hearsay and made my wife seem like the kind of gossip she’s never been about any other woman. “What is it about Stella that makes you act like this?” I shake my head. “You didn’t used to mind her at all, then suddenly, you couldn’t stand her. For the last four years, you’ve gone out of your way to trash-talk her. Why?”
She opens her mouth then snaps it shut again. “I don’t trust her and wish you wouldn’t, either.”
“Amy . . .” I blow out a long breath. “Are you worried I’m going to replace you with Stella?”
She studies her feet. “No.”
“Do you think Hope is going to stop loving her mom just because Stella lives out back and can play with her occasionally?”
She shakes her head but still doesn’t look at me.
“Listen . . .” I rub my neck. I don’t know how much I want to tell her about what’s going on with me and Stella. Is there any point when it won’t last? Why upset Amy more than she already is? I look out at the road. A few cars roll by, and the neighbors across the street wave from their porch. I wave in return then laugh softly. “A few months ago, I would’ve relished seeing you act this jealous, and then it would’ve fucked me up for weeks while I waited for you to come home.”
When she lifts her head, there are tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
I swallow hard. “You did anyway, but I’m done waiting, Amy. And now I’m ready to . . .” I fold my arms. Just a few days of talking to Itsy, and I’ve completely shifted my position on what exactly I’m ready for. “I’m ready to try moving on. In whatever way feels right. I need to know if you’re ready for me to move on, or if seeing me date other women is going to make you lash out like that again.”
“Are you and Stella in a relationship?” She swallows. “Are you considering something serious with her?”
An image of Stella grinning at Hope flashes in my mind, and I shove it aside. Stella might be beautiful and fun, but what she and I have isn’t about building a future. Our deal was a fling. Stella’s looking for pleasure, mutual release, fun. “I have no plans to have a serious relationship with Stella, but that doesn’t mean you can call her a slut or imply she’s some sort of evil influence on our daughter. I won’t let you treat her like that—whether she’s my friend, my girlfriend, or my tenant.”
Amy hugs herself tightly. “Okay. I’m sorry. I just panicked, and then I came here to talk about it and saw her with Hope and . . .” She tilts her face up toward the sky, and tears roll down her cheeks. “The thing about divorce is that even when you’re the one who wants it, you’re still giving up so much you’d rather keep.”
Then why did you want it? I want to ask, but the question isn’t the loud clanging in my mind that it used to be. Now it’s less of a desperate cry and more of a curious whisper. I may never fully understand what happened in my marriage, but it’s good to feel like I can finally let it go.
“So she’s moving in?”
“Next weekend.”
“Okay.” She doesn’t meet my eyes. “For how long?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “As long as she needs.”
She nods a few times, as if she’s forcing herself to accept this information. “I’m going to say bye to Hope, and then I’ll get out of your hair.”
I frown, thinking of the look on Stella’s face when she left. “Actually, can you hang out for a little bit? I think I need to go talk to Stella.”
Amy holds my gaze, and the sadness in her eyes is undeniable. “Yeah. I can do that.”* * *StellaI might be older and more mature than I was in high school, but I still hate chemistry. I’ve read the first page of this chapter three times, but nothing is sticking.