I spent a lot of years telling myself that my feelings for Kace were entirely rooted in the fact that they were unrequited. He was another example of my bad track record. Maybe he wasn’t a bad guy, but a one-sided love isn’t healthy.
But now, I can’t even blame this blinding attraction on his resistance. There’s no resistance in this kiss. There was the first time, when he wasn’t sure about crossing lines with me. And even the second time, in my bedroom, when we handed the reins over to lust. But now, all the walls are down. Every sweep of his lips and flick of his tongue tells me he wants this. He wants me.
I pull away, breathless and needy but with my eyes burning with unshed tears. “We should stop.” Stop now before it’s too hard. Stop now before you break my heart.
“Stella?”
I place a palm flat against his chest and nudge him back. “I can’t think when you’re that close.”
He retreats, but his slow, measured breaths fill my ears. He rocks back on his heels and shoves his hands into his pockets. “Can you explain what happened? What changed? Why are you pushing me away?”
“I just . . .” I shake my head. There’s no way I can answer this very reasonable question without more of the truth than I can bear to give. And there’s no way I can live outside his back door once I admit that truth to him. “I need to go study.” I look around the kitchen, but I’m not seeing a damn thing. “Want me to help with anything else before I go?”
“No. I don’t need you to clean up for me. I need you to talk to me.” He presses his palm to his chest. “I want to make this better. How do you know Itsy? What else did she tell you?”
I don’t know Itsy. I am Itsy. The words are right there—a bitter pill on my tongue that I desperately want to spit out. But I can’t. “Nothing. And don’t . . .” I trap the sob in my chest and struggle to breathe around it. How long will I feel heartbroken over this? “You told me all I needed to know with what you didn’t say. I told you I couldn’t do just casual with you, and you didn’t say we could try more. You let it go.”
“What was I supposed to say?”
Tears roll down my cheeks. “You were supposed to say you couldn’t do just casual sex with me, either. You were supposed to give enough fucks about me that you wanted more than that too.”
“Maybe I could, but I never expected—”
“Don’t. It’s better that you didn’t. It’s easier this way.” I shake my head. I’ve said more than I want to. “I’ll be out of your hair soon. I’ll be living somewhere else, and you’ll forget I was ever around to tempt you with easy sex.”
“Stella, I want you. Not just your body, not just sex.” He blows out a breath. “I screwed up because I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and I panicked. But I’ll figure it out. Give me a chance.”
The universe must be laughing, because until him, until now, I’ve never wanted someone good who actually wanted me back.
Except he doesn’t want me. Not all of me, mistakes included.
I turn to the back door. “We both knew this was a bad idea from the start.” My voice cracks.
“Which part? Moving in, or being with me?”
“Both.” I walk away, even though I know I haven’t fixed anything, and even though it hurts so much to leave another chunk of my heart behind.* * *Kace“Dean!” I run outside, fresh out of the shower, in nothing but a pair of cotton shorts. It’s barely daylight, and Dean and Smithy are loading Stella’s bed into Dean’s truck. Her couch is already in there. “What’s happening?”
“Just moving Stella,” Dean says, avoiding my gaze.
Smithy’s eyes go big, like I’m gonna take him out or something.
I spin around, looking for Stella, feeling frantic. Last night she said she was moving soon, but I didn’t think soon meant in less than twelve hours. “Where is she?”
Smithy ducks his head and jogs back to the pool house.
“She’s gone. She didn’t want you trying to convince her to stay,” Dean says, and there’s something hard in his eyes, like he knows more than he’s letting on. He looks at me for a long time, then shakes his head and sighs. “I’m just trying to be a good brother. I don’t want to get in the middle of it.”
I step closer to him and keep my voice low. “Where’s she going to live?”
“She doesn’t want me to say.” Dean cringes and casts a glance over his shoulder toward the pool house. “Listen, I haven’t been a very good friend lately, and I want to do better, but right now, I need to be a good brother first.”