“I don’t need to know about your past to feel like you’re a sister to me.”
I smiled.
“I love you, Bells.”
“I love you, too. Now, answer my question,” I reminded.
She scratched her head and rubbed at the back of her neck in a comforting gesture, but didn’t respond.
“You’re gorgeous. I have seen men fall head over heels in love with you. I know you had a bad taste of love but don’t you want more?”
“I have everything I want. I’m here because I want to be,” she reassured.
“Brooke, I had the worst upbringing ever. VIP found me,” I informed, hoping she would open up to me.
“I had the best upbringing but it doesn’t mean shit…it didn’t stop things from happening. It’s life. You move on. That’s what I did. I’m not broken, Bella. I’ve done what I wanted to do. I love my life. VIP didn’t save me…I was never lost.”
I nodded, knowing that was all she was going to tell me.
“I want to party!” she yelled out of nowhere. “Let’s go out!”
“Brooke…no…”
“Oh, come on! We haven’t partied in a really long time. Let’s go do something. You want to go to Vegas? You know you want to go to Vegas!” she taunted in a singing voice.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Fuck it. Let’s go.”
She wiggled her eyebrows and called the private plane.
“Sebastian…”
“Mmmm…” I groaned.
“Sebastian, get up!”
I opened my eyes, the light shining in was burning my retinas and my head was throbbing.
“Where am I?” I mumbled.
“My guest bedroom. You’re lucky Christian didn’t see you this morning. He just left for school. You don’t remember calling me?”
I shook my head, covering my eyes with my arm.
“You were wasted last night. You called me from a bar. I couldn’t even understand what you were saying you were that incoherent. I had to finally talk to the bartender. Whom I left a very nice tip, too, so your wallet is going to be missing some bills. He took away your keys. You wanted to drive.”
“Fuck…I don’t remember shit.”
“Well…that’s good. Anthony had to pretty much carry you inside.” She sighed. “What are you doing here? Where’s Ysabelle?”
“Julia, I don’t want to talk about this right now,” I hoarsely replied, rolling over.
She pulled the pillow out from under my head and hit me with it.
“Wake up! You need to explain what the hell is going on? I’ll hit you again, Sebastian, now tell me!”
“Oh my God, you’re so annoying. Stop being so loud.” I sat up against the headboard and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Ysabelle is back at The Cathouse. We broke up or taking a break, I don’t even fucking know whatever it is, but she’s back there and I’m here. That’s all I got for you right now.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s running. What she does best.”
“Well, did you chase after her?”
I glared at her. “Of course. It doesn’t matter.”
“What happened?”
“She hasn’t been the same since you guys left. She thinks you’re fucking perfect, Julia. She thinks she broke up our family. She thinks she’s fucked up and not good for me. I could give you a dozen other answers, but that’s the gist.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Wow…”
“Yeah…tell me about it. I’ve been chasing her around for the last year. I’m at a loss and now she’s back at the whorehouse.”
“She’s not…you know…”
“She said she isn’t. I guess something happened with the ringleader and she’s helping in the meantime.”
“Oh. Anthony has told me about her. She’s ummm…”
“A cunt? The devil? Evil? Bitch? I could go on.”
“Yeah, something along those lines.”
“Exactly. The worst part is she sees her as a mother figure. She actually believes that woman cares for her. She thinks she’s home, staying at her mom’s. It makes me fucking sick.”
“I’m sorry, Sebastian.”
“What do I do? I have no idea what to do anymore. I want to literally strangle her until she understands what I’m saying. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse. The longer she’s there, the more I’m losing her. But the more I push her, the more I lose her. I’m in between a rock and a hard place. Either way, I’m screwed. I just have to sit back and watch.” I pulled back my hair; I wanted to rip it the fuck out.
“Here’s the thing…she’s going to get hurt, I feel it. I know it in my heart that she’s going to get destroyed and I have not a clue how to prevent it. The Madam is obsessed with her and I don’t understand why. It’s like Ysabelle is everything to her.”
She cocked her head to the side. “The only thing I could tell you is to wait. She needs to figure it out on her own. I know that sucks…trust me. I’ve been there, but she won’t realize it if she doesn’t figure it out on her own.”
“How do you know that?”
She smiled. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She loves you, Sebastian. Women don’t walk away from that kind of love. Just give her space…give her time. She’ll figure it out.”
“What if you’re wrong?”
“What if I’m right?” she countered.
All I could do was pray that she was right.
It had been three weeks since I arrived at The Cathouse. Madam was living in a residential medical facility. She was adamant that she wanted to come home, but the doctors ordered that she stay where she would be monitored and they could nurse her back to health. Every time I saw her, she appeared to look better. The bruises had faded and she was walking on her own for the most part. They didn’t think she would suffer any long-term impairment.
I hadn’t spoken or seen Sebastian since our last encounter and it made my heart bleed more with each passing day.
We had a private party that evening and our presence was required, according to Madam. I hated looking in the mirror, I found myself avoiding it at all costs, and the fact that Sebastian associated my appearance as a whore left a bitter taste in my mouth. I would remember his last words to me and it would make me physically ache. I hated that we hadn’t spoken. I knew I told him I needed space, but the longer the days went by, the harder it was to stay away.
My heart called for him.
He was everywhere.
It was on instant replay in my head, over and over again.
I couldn’t stop it, and furthermore…I didn’t want to.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I hadn’t been to a VIP event since The Gala, and this wasn’t even a VIP extravaganza, a client was throwing this shindig. I dressed in a black gown; diamonds were on my ears and neck, along with picture-perfect makeup and a flawless up-do; my matching black heels were sky high.
“Oh, Bella, that bracelet doesn’t match that gown. Here let—”
“No.” I swiftly moved my hand away. “I’m not taking this off.”
She nodded, understanding my silent objection. “Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
There was a stretch white limo in the driveway. We arrived at a mansion the size of The Cathouse in less than thirty minutes. The doors were opened and we were greeted with glasses of champagne. We entered into a palace of hedonism. I could smell the sex in the air. It flowed like a decadence of your favorite dessert. Waitresses were everywhere, dressed in nothing but panties and heels. There were dancers on block stages that wore boudoir lingerie. Cocaine was spread on tables with lines already split and rolled up bills beside it.
Lights…
“Ysabelle, so nice to see you again.”
Camera…
“You look amazing, as always.”
Action…
I was on.
I batted my eyelashes and smiled like I had just won the goddamn
lottery. “Good evening, Charles, always a pleasure.”
“So the rumors are true. You’ve taken over?”
“Not at all. Brooke and I are just babysitting while Madam gets well.”
“It’s great to see you again. Will you be on the menu tonight?” He winked and I wanted to punch him in the fucking face for even asking me that.
I grinned. “No, Charles, I will not. Like I said, I’m a mere spectator, I don’t get to play.”
“Such a shame…I would pay anything to get another…taste.”
And I would like nothing more than to shove your balls down your pervy little throat. Fucker.
I giggled. “Now, now, you know the rules. All the girls are here. I’d love to set you up with one of them.”
“I’m sure I can be persuaded.”
I spent the next few hours schmoozing and getting reacquainted. I went to the bathroom and made a wrong turn somewhere. I recognized the sounds instantly, and like a moth to a flame, I followed them. I rounded the corner and I was face-to-face with my past.
VIPs were everywhere; some were straddling men, others were going at it with women, and some were even in groups, taking it in every fucking hole. I watched as they sucked cock and ate pussy or fucked and received pleasure. That used to be me.
Nothing was ever enough.
Always down for a good time.
Never one to say no.
I was a VIP.
It was a slow moving train wreck, except I was tied to the tracks, waiting to be run over by the oncoming force of a mechanical machine. For the first time…I didn’t see the glamour or the beauty behind it. There was no, “You’re a one of a kind. You’re made for this. You’re the elite.” That’s not what it was. I was a whore who used my body to get money. To hurt people. My pussy wasn’t made of stone, my heart was.
To have experienced the kind of love that I shared with Sebastian wouldn’t even come close to the mockery of the illusion of want and need before me. There was no lust, passion, or even desire. It was primal and seedy. It was heartless and nasty, tainted with drugs and promises of nothing. I was disgusted that this was my life, that I was one of these VIPs and proud to be.
Very Important Pussy was a fuck show.
And I was a puppet.
“Gorgeous.” I heard him whisper from behind. “Oh, how I’ve missed you.”
I didn’t have to turn to know whose voice murmured in my ear…
Gabriel.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, turning to face him. He looked just as handsome as ever.
“I could ask you the same thing. Are you enjoying the show? Do you miss being the centerpiece of it all?”
I walked around him, knowing he was going to follow. I needed to get air; I felt like I was suffocating. I found a balcony and didn’t stop until I was standing beside the railing. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my beating heart that felt like it wanted out of my chest.
“You look stunning in this lighting. You’re still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Ysabelle.”
His fingers crept on my back and he brushed them up and down my spine, my backless gown, giving him the liberty to do so.
“When you left, you took my heart with you…did you know that? Hmmm…did you know that I was in love with you?”
I swallowed the saliva that accumulated in my mouth.
“Of course you did. You loved it, didn’t you? Knowing that I wanted you, only you. It was a game to you.” He roughly grabbed the nook of my hair, letting my up-do go free; crazy curly hair surrounded my face. I felt nauseous. My present and my past colliding, even though Sebastian wasn’t physically there, he made his presence known.
He jerked my head back and I gasped, making me look at him.
“Answer the fucking question, gorgeous. Did you know I was in love with you?”
“Yes…” I breathed out.
“Was I a game to you?”
“Yes…”
“Did you want me to fall in love with you?”
“Yes…”
“Why? Hmm…answer me!”
“Because I could,” I simply stated.
He let go and shoved me against the railing. I felt his heat against my back even though he wasn’t touching me.
“I could fuck you right now and you would fight me the entire time. My how times have changed. What are you doing here? I can see it written all over your face, you don’t belong here anymore.”
I took in his words.
“There’s no light at the end of the tunnel…is there, gorgeous? Sometimes broken toys can’t be fixed. And all that’s left is to throw them away,” he mocked, making me turn immediately.
“Go to hell.”
“Beside you? It’d be a fucking pleasure.”
He walked around me, eyeing me up and down. “From the looks of it, you’re in purgatory. VIP doesn’t have the lure that it used to, does it? You want to know why that is?”
My eyes followed his every movement.
“I was your first…do you remember?”
I nodded.
“Say it.”
“Yes…”
“I’ve fucked you three ways from Sunday. I’ve tasted you on my mouth for days after devouring you. Do you remember?”
“Yes...”
“I always knew what you were. I’ve seen inside your soul because I’ve loved you and you’ve laughed in my face because of it.”
“I’m sorry, Gabriel. I never meant to hurt you. I’m not that person anymore, but I can’t go back and change things. I can only go forward.”
He laughed. “See…that’s where you’re wrong. You aren’t going anywhere. You’re at a standstill. You’re like a mouse on a spinning wheel, running round and round with nowhere to go. Aren’t you exhausted?”
“What do you want? Did you come here to patronize me?”
“Can’t an old friend say hello?”
“You were never my friend.”
“Lover then?”
I laughed. “Not even close.”
“Ouch…that’s not nice, Ysabelle.”
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to get back,” I declared, walking around him.
“Back to what exactly?”
I turned to look at him. “You want to know the difference between you and a lover or even a goddamn friend?”
“Enlighten me.”
“You used me, just as much as I used you. You want to pretend like you loved me and justify it…then go right ahead. You never loved me because, one, you don’t know the meaning of the word and, two, you don’t know who I am.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, gorgeous, I knew then what I know now. You aren’t a VIP, you never were. Your Madam knows it, too. It’s why she wants you so desperately. You’re the first person that’s ever told her no, now that’s hard to forget.”
I backed away from him. “I hope you find happiness one day and it’s not at the hand of a whore.”
“Like you?” he snarled.
“Always a pleasure.”
I left the party without saying goodbye to anyone.
“Dad!”
“What’s up, bud?”
“Have I told you I love that you’ve been home these last five weeks?”
“Almost every day.”
We had been fishing off the pier for the last few hours. I tried to bury my thoughts with spending as much time as I could with Christian.
“Are you sad?”
“What makes you ask that?” I asked, bumping his shoulder.
“Because you look sad. Do you miss Ysabelle?”
“I do. I miss her very much.”
“Mom says that when two people love each other, that they find their way back together. I thought that would happen with you and Mom. I prayed for it every night.”
“Christian…”
“I know, Dad. Anthony told me he was going to ask Mom to marry him.”
“How do you feel about that?”
He shrugged.
“I like Anthony, he’s nice. Can I tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I kinda miss Ysabelle, too.”
I laughed. “What? Really?”
“Yeah. She always smelled nice and she was pretty. She had a nice laugh, too. I remember one night when we came to visit you. I pretended like I was sleeping and she came into my room. She pulled the blanket up and made sure I was covered.” He looked at me. “She kissed my head and then left. Did you know that?”
I shook my head in complete shock. “No, bud, I had no idea.”
“She would make a good stepmom, so if you want to ask her to marry you again, it would be okay with me.”
I smiled. “That makes me happy, Christian,”
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Of course.”
“If you guys get married, are you going to have more kids?”
I put my arm around him, pulling him to me. “If it were up to me, yes.”
“Okay…do you think that you could make it a girl? Because I don’t really want a brother, I’d like a baby sister I can take care of.”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought, I see.”
“I told Mom the same thing. I want all sisters.”
“I’ll try to make sure you get sisters.”
We fished for another few hours. The tide was coming up and we watched it in comfortable silence. Ysabelle loved high tide, she said something about the moon and the gravitational pull being able to control the water was soothing to her. I thought about her every minute of every day. I was giving her space that she requested. I worried about her decisions and impulses. I prayed that she was taking care of herself. To sit back and wait for the other shoe to drop was pure and utter torture. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. A huge part of me wanted her to come to me, to seek me out.
But nothing could have prepared me for what was to come…
Nothing.
By the seventh week, I was restless. Madam was back at The Cathouse, however, she still needed help and for us to be in charge. I took care of everything behind the scenes; I didn’t ever go to another party or gathering. Brooke handled all that. She never questioned me about it. She played her part and I played mine. Madam had her chauffeur drive her to her therapy that afternoon. I was handling all the upkeep in making sure all the clients were tested; they routinely needed to provide current medical tests for diseases and good health.