An eerie silence filled the room as he walked toward the women, beaming from ear to ear. Enjoying the effect he evoked on the helpless women. Both tried to weakly back away from him, only sinking further into the guards’ dominant hold. Salazar didn’t hesitate, pulling the teenage girl away from his henchmen.
“NO!” the mother shrieked an ear-piercing scream that would forever haunt me.
That night and his words would change who I was, and everything I believed in for the rest of my life.
It all started with…
Four simple words.
“We make them pay.”
The girl immediately started screaming and thrashing around in Emilio’s arms. Her long brown hair stuck to the sides of her swollen cheeks. Endless tears streamed down her pretty, bruised face as she fought the monster who invaded her home in the middle of the night. Salazar didn’t pay her any mind, amused by the turn of events. I didn’t think twice about it, pulling out my gun and aiming it point blank to the middle of her father’s forehead. Never breaking my intense stare with Salazar.
I narrowed my eyes at him, speaking with execution, “I’ll pull the fucking trigger myself as soon as you let the women leave safely.”
Emilio smiled, big and wide. Looking down at the girl who was now glaring at me with a new sense of hope in her dark brown eyes.
“Don’t try to be the fucking hero in this story, Damien. There’s only one thing you need to learn from tonight. The only way to make a man pay for his sins… is always through the ones he loves the most.”
Her mother started breaking down, screaming and trying to claw her way free. Doing everything in her power to save her daughter. While the father came to, begging for their lives from his chair. Pleading with everything inside of him to let his girls go.
I didn’t waver, pointing my gun to the man’s shoulder and pulling the trigger.
“NOOOOOO!” the women screamed in unison, fighting with every last ounce of strength they had to go to him.
“Next bullet is through his heart!” I yelled, needing to get my point across. “Now let them go!”
“Stand the fuck down, soldier!” Salazar ordered, knowing I had no choice but to listen.
For the first time in my life, I fought an internal battle between what was right and wrong. Lowering my gun, trying like hell not to let the chaos cloud my judgement. Salazar was over to me in three strides with the daughter in tow, tearing the gun out of my hands. Dragging her to her feet in front of him, setting the cool metal on the side of her head instead. He placed her securely in between us, a few feet away from me. The girl’s eyes spoke volumes, intensifying with each second that passed like a ticking time bomb.
Fear.
Pain.
Death.
“It’s time you man the fuck up and prove to me who you stand by. Where your duties lie because fatherland or death, we shall win!” With that, he shoved her as hard as he could in my direction, causing her to lose her footing.
She whimpered as I caught her in my arms mid-fall. Supporting her small frame against my chest. Our faces inches apart as she instinctively tried to fight me off. Not that I could blame her, I was just another villain in her eyes.
“Control her! Show her what we do to fucking traitors! Do you understand me?” Emilio roared, making her struggle against me even harder.
I couldn’t do it, I took every blow she delivered. Allowed her to feel any solace I could provide, even if it was only for a few seconds. It was the least I could do. She began to hit me harder and harder when she realized I wasn’t stopping her, I wasn’t fighting back. I was letting her have her moment.
“Now is your time to truly prove your loyalty to me! Show her who she serves!”
When I didn’t do what he wanted, Salazar crudely tore her away from me by her hair with revulsion in his eyes. Her hands instantly went to her head where he had ahold of her, wincing in pain. Clawing at his fingers as he hauled her over toward the guards by the door. Her legs flailed behind her, trying to gain control to stand up steadily, but failing miserably.
Her father started whipping around, desperately trying to escape from the chair—harder, faster, almost knocking it over. The blood gushing from the bullet hole in his shoulder not stopping him. While her mother did the same with the fucking guard.
It was then I locked eyes with my father, his stare begging me to forgive him. To have mercy on him too.
“This is what we do to men who betray us, Julio,” Emilio rasped the father’s name in a menacing tone that made my body shudder. Nodding to one of the guards on watch at the door, handing her off to him instead. As if he didn’t want to get his hands dirty from the filth, like she was just a piece of trash.
“Do your best, puta. No one can fucking hear you out here,” the guard baited, tugging her over to the small beat-up couch in the living area. “I love it when they scream,” he added.
“No!” she shouted, pathetically thrashing around her entire body, kicking, and hollering at the top of her lungs as she repeated, “Please!” over and over again. Hoping at any second she would wake up from this horrid nightmare. God would save her from this Hell. “No! No! No!” she continued to yell out to no avail, making them all laugh and me fucking sick.
Emilio nodded to my father, silently ordering him to shut the old man up. He did, forcefully slamming the handle of his gun down onto the back of his neck. Knocking him to the floor with the chair. The guard who held the mother covered her mouth to muffle her screams, but she didn’t stop fighting him until he punched her in the stomach. Sending her to her knees in pain.
His henchmen ripped off the girl’s panties, tossing them to the floor. Her nightgown was already torn, leaving her exposed and practically naked. He pushed her over the arm of the sofa, shoving her head into the cushion, and holding her down. Making her ass stick out in the air.
“That’s enough!” I growled, my chest rising and descending. I couldn’t watch this any longer.
“What, Damien? She’s a beautiful girl, isn’t she? Don’t you want your first taste of pussy? She's a whore just like your mother,” Emilio snarled.
“Fuck you!” I seethed, my hands balling into fists at my sides.
Before I got the last word out, he cold-cocked me with the butt of my gun. My head whooshed to the side from the forceful impact of his blow. It was the first time Salazar had ever hit me.
“I’ve given you everything, boy! Are you going to let this traitor take away all you believe in?! Maybe I should let him bend you over and fuck you instead!” he threatened, shaking his head. “No, that’s not how this is going to go down. You show this motherfucker that we do not and will not allow traitors in our country! He took from us, so now the time has come to take from him! You take his daughter! You take her right in front of him and make him watch. Pay for his sins! No one betrays us!”
I didn’t move, spitting a mouthful of blood onto the floor near my feet, as the young girl turned her head away from the couch cushion. Staring into my eyes, pleading with me to save her.
Save them.
“Be a fucking man! She’s nothing! Take control! I know it’s in you, just like it’s in me and your father!” Not allowing me the chance to reply, he simply raised the gun and aimed it in the center of my forehead. Snarling, he added, “It’s why I chose you! Now make me fucking proud!”
I didn’t falter, shouting, “Then pull the fucking trigger!”
He jerked back, completely caught off guard with my reply. If tonight proved anything to him, it was the fact that I didn’t want anything to happen to the women, and the son of a bitch used it against me. He instantly moved my gun, aiming it at the mother and pulled the trigger.
“NO!” I yelled out, about to run to her aid as she suffered in agony, but Pedro grabbed ahold of me. Locking my frame in place.
“Next bullet is through her heart,” Emilio stated, throwing my words back at me. “Do it or she dies! You want to be responsible for taking this girl’s mo
ther away? What kind of monster are you?” he mocked in a condescending tone, smiling deviously.
My eyes found the girl’s staring back at me for a split-second before she clenched them shut, like it hurt her to look at me. Turning her face away in defeat. Pedro started walking forward, taking me with him willingly. There was no use to resist, Emilio had me right where he wanted me.
Prisoner.
Once we were close enough, he forcefully pushed me into the girl. I caught myself on the back of the couch before my weight fell forward, crushing her frame. Her body shook so fucking hard against my chest, sobbing to herself. All the fight she had before was gone, and I resisted the urge to fight for her. We both knew damn well if I did, it would cost her mother her life. And probably ours too.
“Shhh…” I whispered close enough to her ear where no one could hear. Her mom’s wails from the gunshot filled the room, making it easier to be discrete. I tried to steady her breathing, calm her in any way I could. “Shhh…” I repeated a few times until I felt her start to settle down. She turned her head slightly, our eyes barred into each other’s.
With trembling lips, she murmured, “I’m a virgin.”
And with a sorrowful glare, I responded, “So am I.”
For just that moment in time, we stared at one another, both of us trying to crawl into that empty space inside of our minds.
To hide.
To seek refuge within ourselves was the only way we were going to survive this. Drown out the turmoil erupting all around us, muffling the screams with our plaguing thoughts. The pleas disappearing into the distance while we visibly struggled with our conflicting emotions.
“Please, God,” she prayed, for I don’t know what.
After tonight, I was convinced there was no God.
At least not…
For me.
“Como te llamas?” I tenderly asked, “What’s your name?”
“Teresa,” she breathed out, gazing deep into my eyes, intently searching for something behind my stare.
“Perdóname, yo trataré de no herirté,” I sincerely voiced, “I’m so sorry, I’ll try not to hurt you.” Mirroring her intense gaze, I swept a strand of hair out of her face with the back of my hand. Allowing my fingers to linger on her soft, velvety skin.
She quickly pulled away from my embrace, narrowing her eyes at me. “Do your worst, boy. He's right. You're just like him. The only difference is you’re a monster who doesn’t know it yet. He knows it and has accepted it, and after tonight, you will too. Just do it. Stop pretending to be something you’re not.”
I jerked back like she had hit me, shattering from the reality of her words. The remnants of the man I thought I was would be dead after tonight. There would be nothing left of me. I had to turn off my humanity to push through this or we wouldn’t make it out alive. What happened next was like I was having an out-of-body experience.
I was there… but I wasn’t.
I vaguely heard Salazar taunting, “You pussy! You can’t even get hard! Do it now! I’m losing my fucking patience!”
Another bullet flew toward the mother, barely missing her head that time.
More screams.
More laughter.
More sins I would have to pay for.
I knew Teresa could feel me everywhere, and I was barely even touching her, revolted by what I was doing. With what I had to do. I could sense a throbbing burn radiate throughout her entire body from the sudden loss of breath. The wind being knocked out of her with my weight resting on her back.
I sucked in air that wasn’t available for the taking. Bile rose in my throat. The control, the power, the feel of her tight pussy wrapped around my cock, slowly crept in, finding its way inside of me.
Fucking with my mind.
I tried to drown it out, willing myself not to feel anything but the vicious act I was delivering.
Suddenly realizing tears were streaming down my face. My lips quivered, my teeth chattered, and my vision turned black, blinking away the white spots. When she moved her hips, I instinctively gripped onto them hard, causing her to whimper from the unexpected pain.
“Don’t fucking move,” I gritted through a clenched jaw, unable to control the sensations her pussy stimulated, needing to control the rhythm of our sinful act. Hating myself more for it. It was too much for me to take, awakening a beast, a dark side of me that I never knew existed.
Imprisoning my body, mind, and soul.
I could feel her virtue, her goddamn innocence on my cock; it only added to the conflicting emotions stirring in my mind. With each thrust, I felt the demons that would eternally haunt me. Torment me until the day I died, until I took my last breath. I didn’t walk through the valley of the shadow of death that night…
I would now fucking live there.
Permanently residing inside of me.
Where I would never make it out alive.
It was all too much—the voices, the commands, the fucking sensations. My hips started moving on their own accord, like I was a possessed goddamn man.
The sinner taking over while the saint sat silently by his side.
My fingers tightened, digging my nails into her flesh, picking up my speed. Thrusting into her harder, faster, stronger. My vision tunneled, and I swear I heard her moan over the madness living inside and all around me. Only tempting the fiend further, causing my head to fall forward onto her neck. I tightly shut my eyes. Seeing flashes of Teresa’s crying face, blood…
So much fucking blood.
I shook off the images as quickly as they approached, the saint defeating the sinner, pulling me back into the light. Finally taking possession of my actions. Control of my life. I had to put an end to this, unable to keep dragging another life down to Hell along with mine.
Right when I was about to finish…
I heard the girl’s father shout, “Amira! NO! Run!”
I instinctively turned to the guard on my right, grabbing the gun from his holster, and pointing it in the direction of the shadowy figure beside me. Coming face to face with a little girl whose wide hazel eyes would now be seared into the darkness of my life.
Knowing she saw everything.
I glanced around the room, needing to see it through her eyes. Her mother lying there, bleeding out, still trying to form screams that came out as whispers. Her father tied to a chair, franticly begging her to run. Her sister bent over a couch, crying uncontrollably with me still inside of her.
With the gun still firmly in my grip, pointing to her head, aimed to kill her.
I immediately lowered my weapon, feeling like the monster I knew I was. I adjusted my pants, looking up just in time to see Salazar raise my gun out in front of him.
“Nooooo!” I shouted, running toward him.
He didn’t falter. “Deal is off!” Opening fire around the room, killing Teresa first. Wanting her parents to see her die, no matter what.
I caught her before she fell to the floor with a hard thud, tugging me with her. Cradling her lifeless body in my arms, I applied pressure to the bullet wound in her chest. “What the fuck did you do?” I franticly asked, staring at the lifeless face of Teresa, the girl I had only just met.
Her father’s agony brought my attention back to Salazar. I dreadfully watched as he murdered her mother next, making the man witness his family being slaughtered right before his eyes.
“Fatherland or death, we shall win,” were the last words he heard before Salazar killed him point blank. Putting an end to the “theatrics” as he called them.
I once again sucked in air that wasn’t available for the taking, each shot resonated deep into my core. My chest heaved with every breath, suffocating in the massacre all around me. Drowning in the devastation of every life brutally ripped out of this world. I peered down at the girl in my arms again, her innocent blood on my hands.
Along with her family’s.
Swallowing hard, I glared up at Emilio with nothing but hatred and remorse in my eyes. “We had a
deal,” I shook out, pitifully trying to gather my words.
My emotions.
The soldier was long gone.
Disappeared into the night as if he never existed to begin with.
Salazar chuckled, “Motherfucker, you didn’t even come,” he sadistically spewed. Nodding to the little girl who stood there paralyzed with her doll tight in her grasp. As if she was holding onto her most prized possession. All the color drained out of her body, going into shock. Her traumatized eyes connected with mine, instantly searching for answers to questions I would never be able to give her.
A single tear escaped, slowly falling down the side of her face, off her chin, and onto the floor. Rippling in her sister’s blood. I swear I could fucking taste…
Her pain.
Her loss.
Her future forever changed.
“She’s yours now,” Emilio added, throwing my gun back at me. Nodding to the little girl, he spoke with conviction. “She can be your daily reminder of the family you took away from her and what happens when you betray me.”
It was only then that I realized I lost more than my life that night.
I lost my fucking soul.
All in the name of communism. And a man more evil than the Devil himself.
“Amira! NO! Run!” Papi screamed, but I could barely hear him over the commotion.
I didn’t want him to be mad at me.
I didn’t want to be a bad little girl.
I didn’t want to let my family down.
Hearing the yelling and the loud gunshots. Watching the pain and agony they were going through.
It hurt all over my body.
I felt it on every last inch of my skin.
I would hear their screams every time I shut my eyes. See their bloody faces every second of the day. Reliving each plea, each bullet, and each mark on their battered bodies.
I felt it all.
In my mind, body, and soul.