“Oh,” I replied stunned.
“What?”
“Nothing. I’m surprised.”
“Why?”
“I wasn’t expecting that.”
“What were you expecting?”
“How often do you come here?” I asked, catching her off guard.
She shrugged. “Often enough.”
“So she has these mansions all over the world for clients to party and fuck in?”
She nodded. “Yeah. She’s a smart woman.”
“So… last night? It was planned.”
Her face frowned. “Why does that matter?”
“It doesn’t. I’m curious.”
“It wasn’t planned and it wasn’t not planned. I brought you here so you could see for yourself. Marina happened to be here. She’s a new VIP and I wanted to try her out. I figured… why not?”
“What if I didn’t want to?”
“Is this a test?” she countered out of nowhere. “I feel like this is a test. Is there a wrong or right answer?”
“Answer it honestly,” I responded, not taking my stare off hers.
She sighed. “I probably would have respected your wishes and then I would have fucked her in front of you.”
I nodded. “I see.”
“Are we fighting? Because I thought we had a great time last night. You seemed to like it… a lot.”
“I did.”
“Then what’s the problem?” she asked, shaking her head.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
“What are we doing?” I protested, moving the tray of food from my lap.
She rolled her eyes. “We’re having fun, Devon, we’re enjoying each other’s company. We’re having the time of our lives. That’s what we’re doing. Life is too short not to. You only live once, why not make the most of it,” she stated frustrated and slightly annoyed that we were back to this.
“Now what?”
“What?”
“It’s a new year… what happens now?”
She lifted her shoulders. “I don’t know. I’m just going with it. I thought you were too.”
“I am.” I paused, considering what to say next. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
She smiled, her face relaxing.
“I’m going to go shower.”
She nodded, biting her cheek.
I got off the bed, putting my slacks back on.
“Devon?”
“Yeah?” I looked back over to her.
“There are clothes for you on the counter in the bathroom.”
“Okay.” I made my way across the room to the door.
“Devon?” she called out, stopping me. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
I smiled, but didn’t turn around. “Good.”
As I showered, I considered everything. It played in my mind resembling a reel of an old movie. The glimpses of the black and white images were clear as day, even though the stills were hazy. Nonetheless, they were timeless pieces that etched a way into our hearts and mind. Making it a memory that neither one of us could ever forget, even if we wanted to. They were permanent.
The last few months were a whirlwind, so much had happened in such a short time. Although, when we were together it felt as if time stood still, and the world moved around us.
Sometimes it felt like we were walking through a maze, trying to find our way out. But at the same time enjoying getting lost together. Taking the wrong turns on purpose, just to spend more time together. Then there were other times that felt like we were on a hamster wheel, running and running with no place to go.
We were running in one giant circle, with no end in site.
Going back to reality when you’ve lived in a fantasy was a recipe for disaster. Clear as day, with bright, bold letters that you couldn’t misinterpret or confuse. It's like boiling hot, scorching water on the stove, and moving the pot so fast that it burns your hand no matter what. That was Brooke and I.
This was her life. This is what she did. If I were going to be with her, this would be our life. I didn’t know how I felt about that. The threesomes with women were more than okay with me. However, knowing she would be with other men and women, without me being around…
Could I fucking handle that?
I already knew the answer.
It was fucking staring me in the face this whole time. Drenching me with frigid, cold water, after being burned by the boiling fervor of the stove.
And for the first time in my life, I ignored it.
Whether it was right or wrong…
It didn’t matter.
I rode the high that was Brooke. I was too far gone to see the signs or even care.
Being crazy in love will do that to you.
The heart wants what it wants.
Everything else could go to hell. I didn’t realize until later that we existed in a limbo, in a fairy tale. Make believe... And like all good stories… ours would hit rock bottom. With the possibly, of no happily ever after.
What goes up must come down.
It’s the law of gravity.
It was Brooke and Devon
I knew he had millions of questions, and I could probably answer all of them. But I didn’t want to. It wouldn’t ease his mind or take away his concerns… it would only make them worse.
I knew one thing to be true and one thing alone.
I didn’t want to lose him.
I never considered myself a selfish person. Not really.
It took one afternoon to change everything. To alter my perception of what I believed so deeply in my heart. It was a balancing act, and up until then it remained level. The heart and the mind were equal partners. The scales would soon tip and the mind would trump the heart.
At the end of the day, it was the right thing to do…
Even though, it felt so fucking wrong.
“How was your New Years?” Ysabelle asked over the phone, a few months later.
“Great, how was yours?”
“Sebastian asked me to marry him,” she blurted.
“Wow, Kid, congratulations.”
“I didn’t say yes,” she simply stated.
“Okay… are you alright?”
“I am. We’re still together. We just bought a house.”
“Are you okay?”
There was a long pause. “I don’t know.”
“Kid…”
“I love him. I love him in ways I didn’t even know were possible. I’m not good for him. We want different things… things I don’t think I could ever truly give him.”
“Kid, he’s lucky to have you.”
“Is he?”
“I don’t—”
“Let’s talk about something else. How are you? How are things? Anything new?”
I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t find the words. I was scared of what she would think… it was too much of a reality to share it with someone else. I wanted to keep it to myself for as long as I could. Hoping that the bubble wouldn’t burst.
“Not much… you know me. Same ole, same ole.”
She laughed. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.”
“I hope you’re taking care of yourself.”
“I hope you’re taking care of yourself,” I repeated.
“Easier said than done.”
“You always were a trouble maker.”
She laughed. “Yeah… I got to go take care of some things, before Sebastian gets back. Talk later?”
“Of course. Love you.”
“Love you back.”
I hung up. I knew Ysabelle was probably the best person to talk to about Brooke, having gone through similar situations, but I wanted to keep it a secret.
Scared that if I said the words out loud to someone else…
Everything would go to shit.
I didn’t realize until later that everything happens for a reason.
And it was a phrase I would soon live by.
“What
. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On?” Madam emphasized every word.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, trying to play it cool.
She had called me that morning, saying we needed to have a meeting. I never imagined that we would be discussing this.
She cocked her head to the side and placed her elbows on her desk, hands in a prayer gesture. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Please, Brooke baby, walk me through your thought process, so I can understand how much you’ve royally fucked up.”
I shook my head with a raised eyebrow. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Madam,” I replied in a calming tone.
She narrowed her eyes at me and disdainfully smiled. “Really? All right… how about we start with the man’s clothing you have all through your condo. What about the toothbrush and cologne? Not enough? How about the fact that you spend every spare second, with a man that’s not a client? Or we could simply talk about New Year’s Eve… hmmm?”
“Madam—”
She put her finger up in the air, silencing me. “You know what really pisses me off? Not that you’re not charging him, It’s your pussy, darling, you can let anyone stick their dick in there on your time.” She pierced her lips. “No… what really makes me livid, is the fact that you’ve been fucking lying to me for months. That’s a game I don’t play, Brooke.” She rose, pulling down her suit jacket. “Devon Hill,” she proudly stated. “Is the owner of The Cove, a very nice bar on South Beach, he has a child by the name of Ethan and an ex-wife, who decided to fuck his staff.”
My eyes widened.
“Oh, you didn’t know that?” She placed her hand on her chest. “I’m sorry… I thought you and your boyfriend told each other everything.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I justified as if it would matter.
“Really…” She placed her finger on her lips in a sarcastic gesture. “You let him come to your condo, you let him leave his clothes. He comes and goes as he pleases… and you fuck him. You fuck him, and you don’t charge a damn cent. So, you could understand why I would assume that Mr. Hill is indeed your boyfriend.”
“It’s complicated.”
“No shit,” she spewed, rounding the corner of her desk and standing in front of me. “When you involve feelings, everything is fucking complicated. I thought you knew that. I thought I taught you well. I didn’t think I had to worry about you, Brooke. I’m disappointed.”
I closed my eyes and bowed my head. I hated hearing her say those words to me.
“Look at me,” she demanded in a tone I didn’t want to fuck with, and I immediately looked up.
“You don’t cower down to me. You don’t cower down to anyone. I had big plans for you, Brooke; do I need to change my mind? You tell me… is this another Ysabelle situation?”
I vigorously shook my head back and forth, biting my cheek.
“Words. Brooke. Let me hear you say the goddamn words.”
“No, Madam.”
“I’ve told you hundreds of times. You do not fuck with your heart. What part of that did you not understand?”
“I know—”
“No, you don’t. Answer this question, hmmm… VIP. What does it mean to you? Is your boyfriend going to be okay with it?”
“He has been so far.”
“Interesting.” She nodded with a pale and callus stare.
I lowered my eyebrows, confused. “What?”
She snidely smiled. “I find it fascinating that you have judged and ridiculed your father, and your mother for as long as I have known you. Now, here you are in the exact same predicament.”
“It’s nothing like—”
“It’s not? Well, I beg to fucking differ. Please… stop me if I’m wrong. You have a relationship with him, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve told him you love him.”
“I haven’t,” I blurted.
She grinned and shook her head in disgust. “Notice you didn’t say… you’re not.”
I jerked back; it was a slap to the face. Not from her retort, but from what I shared without even realizing it.
“My, my, my, Brooke baby. I guess you turned out to be just like your father. Is that what you wanted, hmmm? Did you want to string Devon along, like he does your mother? Your poor, pitiful mother that waits for him every night, and when he comes though the doors, he smells of another woman? Or do you think he washes himself first? How calculated do you think he is? Is it for your mother’s feelings? Or is it for his fucking conscience?” she paused to let her words sink in. “Trust me, I’ve seen the sad eyes she’s had when she’s watched him play. But she accepts it, because what choice does he give her?”
I felt my eyes pool with tears.
“You want that for Devon? Him waiting for you, while you fuck other clients? Huh? You want him to feel like your mother? The woman you so desperately feel sorry for.” She leaned in an inch away from my face. “Because from where I’m standing, it’s like looking at your father,” she whispered. “The man you want to hate; the man that uses everything to his advantage. The selfish, inconsiderate prick that steps on anyone to get what he wants. The man you fucking hate, but have to love. That man.” She softly pecked my lips, pulling away, but still lingering her lips over mine. “That man is you.”
I immediately pulled my head back, her words were spitting fire at me and I was getting burned with each and every truth.
“It’s not nice when the truth is staring you in the fucking face,” she reiterated, reading my mind. “Is it? That’s the beauty about facts, darling? They always have a way of coming out. They don’t stay hidden.”
“I don’t…” I cleared my throat, my voice breaking. “I don’t want that for him.”
“I don’t blame you. I’m not an evil woman, Brooke baby; you may hate me right now. The last thing I want to do is cause you pain… I love you,” she simply stated. “Sometimes in life… you need to have a voice of reason. I don’t mind being that for you. Do you understand me?”
I nodded.
“My advice. Cut him loose. You can’t have it all, and I know you’re a VIP. It’s in your blood. You won’t be happy. It may work now… but it won’t the longer you’re with him. I guarantee you that. You’re not made like that. Learn from your father’s mistakes.”
She reached around and grabbed a tissue from her desk, and handed it to me. I hadn’t realized I was crying.
“Tears don’t make you weak, Brooke. Consequences do. Be a good VIP and do what’s right, before the same stare that you have seen in your mother’s eyes, becomes the same stare you see in Devon’s.”
I wiped away my tears. “Yeah…” was all I could say.
When the truth is blatantly staring you in the face, it doesn’t make it any less easy for you to understand.
A few weeks had gone by, and it was now March. I hadn’t been seeing Brooke that often. She said something about the beginning of the year always being hectic and packed. As much as I wanted to question it, I didn’t.
I spent time with her when we could, trying not to blame it entirely on VIP. I used the bar and being swamped as an excuse, as well.
“Hey,” she greeted, answering her phone.
“Hello there, I feel like I haven’t talked to you in a few days.”
“We text every night and morning, Devon,” she stated.
“Yeah… but they’ve been pretty short,” I reasoned, wanting to get a better answer out of her.
“We’ve been busy. Life gets in the way sometimes.”
“I miss you,” I blurted, needing her to hear it. There was a long pause on the other end. I looked at my phone to see if the call was dropped. “Brooke? You still there?”
“Mmm hmm…” she grumbled.
“What are you doing today?” I asked, changing the subject, trying not to contemplate what was happening.
“Umm… not much.”
“Great. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”
“Devon, I—” “I’ll pick you up in an hour,” I interrupted in a demanding tone.
“Okay,” she softly spoke.
She was waiting in front of her building when I arrived. She looked beautiful, wearing a long skirt and mid cut-off top. Her hair was down and framed her face. I noticed it immediately, though silently prayed she wanted to style it that way, and I wasn’t misunderstanding or overanalyzing it.
She opened the passenger side door and stepped in. “Where are we going?” she asked while putting on her seatbelt.
“A friend’s birthday party.”
She wearingly smiled at me. “Sounds good.”
I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to do something, anything, but all I did was grab her hand. I placed it on my lap, and she locked her fingers tightly around mine. It drowned out the chaos that overplayed in my mind.
We drove in silence and I parked a few houses down from the party, cars were everywhere. We exited my car and I grabbed her hand once again; she let me. She followed behind me to the front door.
I knocked a few times, but there was no answer. I could hear the commotion coming from inside. I opened the door and stepped in, taking her with me. Kids ran everywhere and in every direction.
“Wow. I didn’t realize this would be a kid’s birthday party,” she mused.
“Yeah… I forgot to mention that part,” I teased to no avail.
I led her to the back porch, her hand still tightly entwined with mine. I looked around for someone I recognized.
“Devon, I’m glad you could make it,” I heard him say from behind us.
I turned, but Brooke stayed put as if she was glued to the ground. Her eyes were tightly shut, and her grip on my hand was so fucking tight, you would think she was trying to cut off my circulation.
“Hey, man,” I responded, looking back at him and then again at Brooke. “This is—”
“I know who she is,” he clarified. “Hey, Brooke. Nice to see you again,” he added.
She licked her lips and sucked in a deep breath, before opening her eyes and looking straight at me. She appeared alarmed, her face portraying nothing, but panic and desperation. She squeezed my hand one last time, before turning around, and locking stares with him immediately.
“Hi, Landon.”