“I’m tired, bro.” He sighs. “I don’t want to do this right now. Can you just go?”
“I’m not leaving you here like this.” I look around the pigsty and shake my head. “When is your dad going to be home?”
“Fuck if I know.” He shrugs. “I’m fine. Just let me sleep it off.”
“Then sleep.” I kick my legs up onto the table and make it clear I’m not going anywhere. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”22Kailani“Seriously?” I toss everything out of my backpack for the third time, convinced I’m losing my mind. “Where the hell is it?”
I’m late for school, running on just a few hours of sleep, and I can’t find my tablet. But I know I had it last night. I did some homework and wrote in my journal app before I ate dinner in the main house. Then I came back here, turned on some music, and forgot about it.
Now it’s gone.
I can’t quell this weird panicky feeling in my chest when I look around. Something felt off when I came back to the pool house. It was that feeling you get when someone’s been in your space. I thought a few things looked out of place, but I told myself it was just my imagination. I didn’t want to think Landon had been here, rummaging through my things. What could he possibly be looking for?
“God,” I groan. “Where the hell is it?”
I’m low key freaking out, but I don’t have time to keep looking. Even though it’s suspect, I don’t want to jump to conclusions yet. I probably just lost it, and it’ll turn up stuffed into a cushion or something. Because Landon might be a lot of things, but a thief isn’t one of them. Audrey, on the other hand… I wouldn’t put it past her to do something like this. But would she go so far as to break into my house? There isn’t time to check the spy cam right now, so I toss everything back into my bag. If I can focus and get through the day on hardly any sleep, I might not bomb my biology quiz.
The school day passes slowly, and with a steady stream of sugar-free Red Bull, I make it through somehow. But by the time I get to dance practice, I’m exhausted. I don’t know how long I can keep running on autopilot like this.
Across the field, Landon is running through plays with his team, and it makes it hard to focus on what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s been two weeks since I snuck out of his house without a word. I woke up on the floor of his closet early that morning and crept out. At some point during the night, he went back to the party with Audrey, but I still couldn’t move. I stayed there all night, hoping I’d wake up in my own bed and realize it was just a dream. But it wasn’t. And now, it’s like we never knew each other at all. There’s an empty space at the dinner table every night, and Mom can’t hide her disappointment. She keeps hoping he’ll show up, but it isn’t likely, considering he passes me in the hall without even glancing at me.
Carson is back at school now, and they seem to be together all the time. I didn’t think they were that close anymore, but Landon doesn’t go anywhere without him since he returned. I can’t help but wonder if he told Carson what happened between us. Did they have a good laugh when Landon told him I’d given myself to him, only for him to hook up with Audrey on the same night? Was it all just some big joke?
After talking with my doctor and getting the all clear, she assured me the bleeding would be totally normal for the first time, and there wasn’t any cause for concern after her exam. So, in other words, there’s no explanation. I was a virgin, and all this time I’d been harboring hatred for something that never even happened.
Everything sucks, and I don’t know how to handle any of it anymore. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Everything feels like it’s falling apart, and it shows.
“Kailani, stay a minute, will you?” Coach gestures for me when practice ends, and I meet her on the field as everyone else clears out.
“Are you okay?” she asks as soon as everyone is out of earshot. “You seem a little off this week.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” I cringe. I hate disappointing her. I made promises to the team about being the best captain I could be, but I don’t know if I’m holding up my end of the bargain right now.
“Don’t be sorry,” she says. “I just want to make sure you’re alright. You’re here, but it seems like you aren’t really here.”