But now I did, and my mind was racing with ways to make it so that I could have her for the rest of my life.Sitting up with a start, I glanced at my phone and frowned when I saw we’d only been sleeping for two hours. Instinct was to open up my texts and call log to make sure I hadn’t somehow deleted something telling me I was needed at work, but neither of them showed anything of the sort for tonight.
Placing it back down as quietly as possible, I rolled back into the position I’d been in when I’d woken up—lying on my back with Ari on her side about four inches away from me.
Did I have a nightmare?
I hadn’t had one in months, so why would I have one tonight?
Focusing on my body, I looked for the telltale signs of one. Yes, as a doctor, I should probably be one of those people who woke up quickly, ready to go and do medical shit. I was as far from that as the pizza was from the keto diet. It took me a while to get my brain and body back online, so I deliberately only took light naps when I stayed in an on-call room at work.
Not feeling any of the sweat or anxiety that usually clung to me after a nightmare, I held my breath and listened closely to the noises in the house in case it was something outside the room that’d done it.
Then, the reason for me waking up became clear. The animals had joined us on the bed. Panky was circling at the bottom of the bed, digging on the top of the comforter to get it to his liking, but Hanky was fast asleep halfway up the mattress.
Rolling toward Ari to pull her into me, I was just adjusting my pillow to find a comfortable position when I heard it.
It was like a hissing noise in the dark, and I had no idea where the hell it was coming from.
Pssssssssst!
Holding my breath so I could hear it better if it happened again, I went through all the possibilities. My options were:
A snake—this was Texas, and Mark Montgomery’s ass was proof you’d find them anywhere and everywhere.
Some sort of hissing bug—we’ve all watched nature programs, and fuck if I know all the bugs we have here.
Maybe a device that moved like one of the security cameras.
A gas leak.It was the last one that had me gulping in a lungful of oxygen again, hoping not to smell any. Just as I took a breath in, it happened again. This time, it was louder and sounded a bit… well, like a ripping noise.
Psssvvvvvbt!
And then it hit me—a smell that I’d never had to contend with from anyone other than Dale, and obviously myself. We all do it, but my brother’s goal up until he hit thirteen had been to fart the national anthem, so he was the first one to come to mind.
I was faced with a dilemma. I couldn’t put my head under the covers to get away from it because if it was Ari who’d farted, I’d end up in an enclosed space with it. I was also a doctor, so bodily functions never came as a surprise. Was I disgusted? No. Was I amused? Slightly. She was always so precise and well behaved compared to her brothers and cousins, so I never expected her to do it. I could leave the room and let her get it out her system, but that might wake her up, and then she’d be embarrassed.
What the fuck do men do when their women fart?
Pssssvvvvvvbbbt!
This time, the smell was fucking awful, and I had to angle my head back and away from her to stop myself making a noise. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I pulled my pillow over my face and tried counting to ten. I say tried because by this point I was starting to laugh, full body shaking chuckles. Once I started, I couldn’t stop, and I knew it was making the mattress move with the force of them leaving my body.
“What’s…” Ari mumbled, her voice only just reaching me. “Oh, shitting hell, Hanky. You stink! Go lie in your bed.”
Lifting the pillow, I watched as she waved her hand around, trying to disperse it from around our faces.
“It’s not going to work,” I gasped, unable to stop the loud chuckles coming out of me now. “He’s… holy shit, he’s tiny, but I swear to God, I thought I was going to die.”
“He’s allergic to wheat, so he’s obviously gotten into something in the pantry.”
This was the first I’d heard of dogs being allergic to wheat.
“He’s allergic to it?”
Waving her hand around us, indicating the now noxious air, she asked incredulously, “Can you not smell that? When he was little, I gave him normal puppy food for six months. The veterinarian said it was probably his stomach struggling to accept solid food, so I lived with this stink for ages. It was one of the worst moments of my life, and don’t even get me started on when he shat himself.”