That’s the thing. It has to be a decision. Asher has to decide that he wants to be with me. This thing between us can’t just be a thing that happens. Or it can unhappen with the snap of a finger.
I know it’s what Asher is used to. He goes to a bar or a club and a woman flirts with him. Or maybe he sees a woman and flirts. Either way, it just happens and then they just end up having sex. And then it’s over. But it’s not like he planned on everything being that way. If he didn’t find a woman, that was fine, though I have a feeling that doesn’t happen much. If he didn’t like the woman, he wasn’t going to have sex with her. If the woman didn’t want to have sex with him, he wasn’t going to force it. They just happened to meet. They have no obligation to do anything with each other. They just do because they want to have fun.
Isn’t what Asher and I have pretty much the same except maybe an extended version?
I can’t have that. Maybe Asher can, but I can’t. We can’t have just a thing. We have to call it something. We have to decide to call it something. We’re not sixteen or nineteen where we can do something and just wait and see where it goes. I can’t. I’m twenty-nine. I don’t want to waste time. If Asher has no intention of making this, whatever it is, go somewhere, I want to know. If he does, I want to know that, too.
I want to know his intentions. I’m too old to play guessing games and I have a right to know.
I have to know.
~
“Then you just have to ask,” Michelle tells me during lunchtime the next day. “It’s that simple.”
Everything is simple to her. Maybe that’s how it seems when you’re on the outside looking in, when you’re not actually tangled in the mess.
I stick my fork into the cherry tomato on my plate and pop it inside my mouth. “I’ve already asked. Twice, I think.”
Didn’t I ask him at the museum? Or did I?
“Then ask again,” Michelle says. “And this time, make sure you get a clear answer. Ask him a yes or no question. Then he’ll have nowhere to hide.”
I look at her. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
She shrugs. “Maybe because you don’t really want to know the answer?”
I snort. That’s absurd.
“Are you ready to hear his answer, Violet?” Michelle asks me. “If he says no, are you ready to have your heart broken again? Can you handle it?”
I don’t think anyone is ready to have their heart broken. It’s something no one would ask for. But I can handle it if that’s what has to happen. I’ve survived before.
“And if he says yes, are you ready to start a relationship with him knowing that it failed the last time?”
That’s a tougher question. Am I ready? Am I willing to really give Asher a chance and make this work?
“I’ll think about it,” I answer. “I’ll make my decision. But first, I have to know his.”
“So if he says no, you’ll just let him go and if he says yes, you’ll maybe have a relationship with him?”
I shrug. “I’ll think about it, but I can’t be the only one.”
Michelle nods. “Right. If you’re going to make this work, both of you have to decide that you’re going to make it work.”
“Exactly. There has to be a mutual decision, an agreement.”
“A commitment.”
Precisely. That’s exactly what I’m looking for, but I’m afraid it might not be in Asher’s vocabulary. It seems like he’s never committed himself to anyone, and I don’t know if he’s capable of it. I tried to discern it when I asked him why he sleeps around, but I didn’t really get much of an answer. He didn’t want to talk about it, which likely means he has commitment issues.
Can he commit himself to me?
Michelle places her hand over mine. “So, when are you going to ask him?”
~
I draw a deep breath as I stand in front of the door to Asher’s office. I can feel Dylan’s gaze on me, waiting for me to knock, wondering why I’m nervous. Frankly, I don’t know why I am either. I ignore him and knock on the door. It takes a few seconds before I hear Asher’s voice.
“Come in.”
I step inside. As my gaze meets Asher’s, he smiles.
“Violet.”
That’s a good thing, right? Him calling me by my first name. But I don’t want to rely on signs anymore.
I return his smile. “Asher.”
He leaves his desk and walks towards me. Before I can say another word, his lips are on mine. Smooth. Warm. Making mine tingle.
Damn it. Why is he so good at kissing?
He pulls away and touches my cheek. His eyes gaze into mine.