“We both agreed it was one of our duties to,” I tell him.
“Great.” Natalie slides into her seat. “Now I’m starting to feel like this wedding is happening.”
“Oh, it’s happening,” Joel tells her.
“And it’s going to be the best wedding ever,” Claire says. “Because you both deserve it.”
Wow. Her mood sure changed fast.
“Aw.” Natalie places her hands on her chest, then reaches for Claire’s hand. “I knew I was right to pick you to be my maid of honor.”
Claire beams with pride. They really have grown close, like real sisters.
“So I guess we’ll just leave it to the two of you to plan the parties,” Natalie continues as she turns to me. “Claire is staying here in Chicago for a while, so the two of you can meet after the holidays and discuss things.”
She turns back to Claire.
“You do have each other’s numbers, right?”
Actually, I don’t. I think Claire sent me a few messages before, but I deleted them.
“I think I deleted your number,” Claire tells me as well.
“I’ll make sure they get each other’s numbers,” Joel says.
“Or they can just exchange them now,” Natalie says. “Go on.”
I can tell Claire is hesitant, but she gives me her phone. I punch in my number and give it a call so her number shows up in mine. Then I cancel the call and give the phone back. She puts it away.
“So, you’ll give me a call when… we should meet?” I ask her.
“Yeah.”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she looks away. Then she grabs her glass of wine to take a sip. I notice that her cheeks look a little rosy.
Is she blushing?
I realize she is. But why? Because she has my number? Because we’re meeting again soon?
Then it hits me. The next time we meet, we’ll be alone. No Joel and no Natalie. The thought makes my pulse quicken for a few seconds—right up until I have to face the fact that danger comes with the thrill. The danger of making another mistake.
I know I told Claire I’d stop doing or not doing things just because she’s Joel’s sister, but the fact is still true. I still have a duty to Joel as his best friend, and if I’m going to be his best man, I have to fulfill that.
No more messing with the bro code.
“On second thought, I’ll just call you when I’m free,” I tell her.
That way, I can decide on the time and place and maybe make things less dangerous.
“Okay.” Claire nods as she sets down her glass. Then she gives me a shrug and a grin. “I guess I’ll wait.”Chapter ThreeClaire
I’m still waiting.
I know we’re not supposed to start planning stuff until after the holidays, but tonight is Christmas Eve. Can’t he call just to greet me ‘Merry Christmas’? Or even just send a message? Is that really too much to ask of someone you’ve known for years? Of someone who kissed you just last week?
I know he regrets kissing me, but he did kiss me. I kissed him first, but he kissed me back. Is he just going to forget about that?
I can’t.
As I sit on the couch with a glass of wine in hand, my gaze drowning amid the colors and lights of the Christmas tree, I can’t stop thinking of Ryker. I can’t help but wish he was here with me right now, sharing his thoughts with me and listening to mine as we share this bottle of Chardonnay. And maybe kissing me in between sips, and possibly putting our glasses down to get naked under this quilt and have sex. Or we could just cuddle and sip our wine in silence as we stare at the fire until we fall asleep and then wake up to Christmas morning in each other’s arms.
The scenario makes me smile, but then I sigh as I realize it’s all just a product of my imagination. It’s Christmas Eve and the only company I have is my imagination and my glass of wine, which means I’m all alone. And I feel alone.
Weird. Joel and Nat invited me over tonight, even though I’m sure they would rather be the ones sitting on this couch, because they didn’t want me to feel alone. They’re in their bedroom just several feet away, and yet I do feel all alone. I’m in the city where I grew up, where I spent most of my life, and I’ve never felt more alone.
The fact that Ryker is in this same city, that I could be spending this night with him but I’m not, just makes it worse.
I’m not stupid. I don’t ask for the impossible. I don’t cling to the unnecessary. If Ryker had ignored me every step of the way, if he hadn’t acted like a jealous boyfriend at that party, if he hadn’t kissed me a week ago, I wouldn’t be thinking of him right now, pining for him. But he gave me hope, and it’s taken root inside me like an invasive weed. So I hope, and then I end up all alone on someone else’s couch on Christmas Eve like a complete fool.