I sit in the armchair, not on the couch beside him. I spot the magazine where I left my scribblings beneath the coffee table and I get it.
I lift the piece of paper up. “I just came back for this. It’s a list of ideas that I came up with for Joel and Natalie’s wedding shower while waiting for you.”
Ryker looks at me. “So the wedding is still on?”
I nod. “It is. Didn’t Joel tell you?”
He shakes his head.
I let out a breath. “I guess he and Natalie are still busy making up.”
Before I left their apartment this morning, it was getting pretty noisy in the bedroom.
Ryker shrugs. “Maybe.”
I draw a deep breath. “So what do you want to talk about?”
We might as well get this over with.
Ryker meets my gaze. From the look in his eyes, I can already tell I’m not going to like what he’s going to say.
“I think we should stop seeing each other.”
What? I look away and take a moment to gather my thoughts.
“You don’t want to see me anymore?”
Ryker doesn’t answer.
“Why? Is it because I barged into your apartment yesterday? Is this still about that? Or is it because of the lingerie? Maybe I was too daring.”
“It’s not about that.”
“Then is it because Joel almost caught us? Is that why?”
Ryker draws a breath. “I think it’s best for us to stop seeing each other.”
“That is why, isn’t it?”
No answer. I knew it. I was afraid this would happen. I had a feeling it might ever since he stopped replying to my messages.
I stand up. “You know what? If you’re feeling guilty or worried, we can just go and tell Joel. We can go right now.”
I don’t care if he and Natalie are having sex. I’m not going to let him get in the way of my happiness.
“No,” Ryker says. “We’re not telling Joel because there is no ‘we’.”
Unbelievable.
“So you’re just going to throw me away?”
“I’m not throwing you away. I’m telling you that we can’t see each other anymore. Calmly.”
That annoys me even more. How can he be so calm while dumping me? Was he just pretending he cared about me?
“Just to be clear, you’re choosing Joel over me?” I ask him. “Is that it?”
Ryker clasps his hand between his knees. “Joel is more than my best friend. He’s like a brother to me.”
And I’m nothing. I don’t mean anything to him.
“Wow.” I shake my head in disbelief. “I guess you never cared about me, huh?”
Annoyance flickers in his eyes. “That’s not…”
“You’re a coward, Ryker Hawthorne.” I point a finger at him. “A despicable coward. You haven’t even tried telling my brother about us and you’re already running away with your tail between your legs.”
Ryker shakes his head. “I’m not going to tell him because I’m not going to betray his trust.”
“But you’ve already done that. You’ve already had sex with me. What if he finds out, hmm? What if I tell him?”
His eyes grow wide with worry.
“He’ll find out what happened between us and your friendship will be in deep shit anyway. And guess what? When that happens, I’m not going to be there. You’ll have no one.”
Ryker says nothing. He looks away and touches the nape of his neck as he lowers his head.
I shake mine. “You’re a coward, Ryker. You don’t even have the guts to find what you want to do with your life, to forge your own path. You live your life according to what other people say. You joined your father’s company. You work for your brother. You dumped the woman you care about for your best friend. So guess what? I don’t need someone like you. I don’t want someone like you.”
Still, Ryker says nothing.
What? Isn’t he going to argue that he isn’t a coward? Isn’t he going to defend himself? Isn’t he going to tell me he wants me?
Nothing.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “I was right. You are a disappointment.”
I turn on my heel and walk towards the door before I fall apart, before the tears start falling. I’m about to touch the doorknob when Ryker speaks.
“Claire?”
I stop but don’t look over my shoulder. “What?”
“Are you going to tell Joel… about us?”
That’s what he’s going to ask? Of all the things he could say, that’s what he chose to say?
Great. I really am getting dumped for my brother.
“No,” I answer.
I could, but that wouldn’t make anything better. It wouldn’t make him mine.
“That’s between the two of you.” I glance back at him. “I hope the two of you have a good life.”
I open the door, step out and slam it shut.Chapter FourteenRyker
I shut the lid of my laptop and rub my temples.
Once again, I find myself stumped at work very early in the day. And once again, it’s because of Claire.
I thought I’d finally be rid of guilt now that I’ve made my decision to stop seeing Claire. I know I made a mistake, but what’s done is done. It’s in the past now, which is why I’ve made up my mind not to tell Joel about it. Telling him about it won’t make it go away or make it better. In fact, things will only get worse. Right now, there’s no harm done to Joel. I owe it to him to keep it that way.