I started feeling ill at the mere thought of what was to come, but I still had to know. “And?”
“My agent warned me to stay away from her; Marni was married and the rumors were that her marriage was in trouble. He told me she was vulnerable. He even used the word ‘unstable.’” His voice lowered, self-hatred coloring its tone. “I didn’t care. It was perfect for me; a warm body to fuck while on location, then I could walk away when the film was complete. No strings.”
“But that wasn’t what happened?”
“No. The first few days I pursued her, charmed her; that was how I worked. The chase was fun; it always was for me…and we had an affair.”
“Did she know about your thoughts on relationships?”
“I told her I wasn’t interested in anything permanent. I thought she was okay with that.”
“But she wasn’t?”
“No.”
The room was quiet, only the cracking of the fire and the sounds of the ocean in the distance could be heard. I wanted to ask him, to demand he tell me what happened, but he was so lost inside his head, I knew he wouldn’t hear me.
“Ryan was right. It wasn’t a good idea. She projected this bitchy, independent vibe, but she wasn’t. When I look back, I think maybe she was as lost as me. I broke it off with her a few days before we wrapped. She was getting too clingy, and I was done with it all; it was time for me to move on. She was so angry and upset. We argued, and things got rather ugly. She, ah, told me she loved me.”
He looked at me, his expression blank. “I told her I didn’t care. She knew the rules at the start. It was her problem, not mine. I told her to go back to her husband.”
“What happened?”
“We argued some more and I got tired of it, so I decided to leave. She was crying, which didn’t bother me in the slightest and only made her angrier. I told her to use that anger when we filmed the final scene we had together a couple days later; that maybe, for the first time I’d see a decent performance from her.”
“You were cruel.”
He nodded. “She slapped me and told me I would regret my actions.” He paused. “I laughed at her. I told her I already did, and nothing she did could make me regret it more.”
A shiver ran down my spine.
Zachary’s haunted gaze met mine.
“I was wrong.”17MeganMy heart pounded in my chest as I waited for Zachary to talk. I felt the damp nervous sweat at the back of my neck, and I struggled to remain calm.
Zachary stared into the fire; silent, motionless. His long fingers were steepled together, his elbows resting on his thighs as he stared, lost to some deep memory in his head.
He stood up again, pacing, ignoring me. Back and forth he went, in constant motion. He was like a caged animal; tense and frantic. I couldn’t speak. I was afraid if I tried, all the emotion I was holding in would burst forth and he would close in on himself again.
Finally, his pacing stopped. He braced himself against the mantle, his back to me, his voice filled with agony. The distance he fought to maintain was gone and his pain was tangible.
“I didn’t see Marni until our final scene. She seemed fine. Distant, cold, but fine, which was okay with me. I wasn’t feeling very responsive toward her, either. Ironically, the scene was me being a big man and letting the woman I loved go, so she could have a better life. Marni’s character pleads with me, begs me to change my mind and in the final moment becomes angry. She was to throw the contents of her glass in my face, slap me and storm away.” He paused. “The final shot would be of me watching her walk away, standing in the room where we’d made love, candles flickering, all very dreamlike. My face would be tormented, knowing I had done the right thing in letting her go. It was supposed to be very climatic and emotional.”
He stopped talking abruptly and I could see his shoulders moving with his rapid breaths. I forced myself to remain where I was and not go to him. My own breaths were coming out fast, and part of me wanted to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want to hear anymore, but I couldn’t. I was the one who begged for him to talk and no matter how much I hated it, I had to listen.
I found my voice. “Tell me.”
“We did a quick run through. We had already rehearsed it all thoroughly. Where we would stand, how much water was in the glass she threw, how she had to toss it, so it hit me properly. All of it. We were ready and I just wanted the scene done and over.