She laughed again. “For one thing, I am not getting handsy. For another, Olivia is only five weeks old, and you’re not touching me until you’ve been clipped. We agreed.”
I winced. “Can we not use the word clipped?”
“Snipped?”
I shook my head.
“Neutered?”
“Bloody hell, no.”
“Tied off? Fixed?”
“No.”
“What, then?”
I sighed. “How about we don’t even name it. Or discuss it.”
She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. “It’s gonna be hard not to talk about it while you’re sitting around icing your junk for the next few days.”
“Shelby!”
“Sorry.”
I sat back, muttering, “I thought you’d be more sympathetic.”
She patted my hand. “I tried, Liam. You’re the one who insisted on throwing yourself a vasectomy party and calling it the ‘Last of the Spermians.’ Should I remind you what the cake looked like?”
“That was Everett. I asked for a simple white cake. Not a beheaded, limp dick.”
“The balloons you put everywhere?”
“Douglas’s idea to use the old condoms. I’ll buy more until we’re sure the stragglers are gone,” I insisted.
Shelby sighed.
“I was trying to make light of it,” I admitted. “But frankly, Beaker, I’m scared stiff.”
She raised an eyebrow, and I chuckled. “No pun intended.”
Shelby clasped my hand in hers. “If you’re unsure, we can postpone or you can change your mind, Liam.”
“No. I need to do this for you. For us. I don’t want you on those bloody pills or the shots, I hate condoms, and I want to have sex with you as much as I want without worries or looking for whatever form of birth control we try.”
“Would me getting pregnant again be such a terrible thing?”
I reached over and stroked her cheek. “I can’t go through that again, Shelby. Seeing what you went through. Knowing if we didn’t have such a skillful doctor, things could have been different. I will never risk you. Ever. This is my responsibility, and I am handling it.”
She smiled. “I love you.”
“Good. I hope you still love me if he slips and damages my dick in any way.”
She winked. “You still have fingers. And a tongue. I think we’ll manage.”
I returned her smile, the silence falling between us. I studied her hand. Her rings caught the light, the wide band of diamonds setting off my nan’s antique ring. I loved seeing it on her hand, and knowing she was mine. Forever.
If I survived this procedure.
The sweating started again.
“Jesus,” I muttered. “Someone turned up the heat again.”
Shelby rolled her eyes. “Relax, Liam. Everything is gonna be fine.”
“You aren’t the one having your junk rearranged.”
She snorted quietly. “My vagina sympathizes.”
I began to laugh. She was right and had already been through enough. I hadn’t squeezed two humans out of my body in the span of a year. I was just getting a simple procedure. It was fine. I was cool, and all was good.
Then the doctor walked in, and I passed out.I woke up to Shelby’s worried expression and the doctor’s impatient frown.
“Really, Mr. Wright. A little over the top, I would say.”
“He’s nervous.” Shelby defended me.
“Not necessary. You’ll be walking out of here in twenty minutes, Mr. Wright. Cock intact, unlike your dignity. You ready?”
Bloody hell, he was a right miserable bastard. And my head hurt from smacking it on the wall as I collapsed in the chair. But I wasn’t going to let him know that.
I stood. “Ready.” I bent and kissed Shelby. “We’ll always have Scotland,” I said with a wink. “Remember me in a kilt.”
She laughed. “I’ll be right here.”
It took everything in me not to ask if she could stand beside me and hold my hand. A strange man was already going to be manhandling my balls. I needed to maintain some sort of composure. My dignity, as I had been informed, was long gone.
I really should have taken the valium they offered. I wondered if it was too late, and then Dr. Buckley turned to me. “Now, Mr. Wright. I don’t have all day.”
I guessed I had my answer.I shivered in the procedure room. Whoever had been playing with the thermostat was at it again. It was fucking freezing. As I sat on the table, my ass was frozen, and I felt the goose bumps rising on my skin, the gown they put me in not helping against the cold. The nurse, a pretty Asian American lady named Ren, bustled around, making sure Dr. Buckley had everything he needed to kill me—I mean perform the simple, everyday procedure that would result in minimal discomfort for me.
Jesus, I wanted Shelby.
Dr. Buckley walked in, wearing a mask, gown, and gloved up. I swallowed hard.
Shit was about to get real. This was my last chance to escape. Condoms weren’t so bad. I eyed the door, calculating my chances.
Except the pretty nurse proved to be exceptionally strong and pushed me down on the table.
“You lie down for snip snip,” she sang.