I missed her.
Tuesday night, I made up a false meeting and escaped to the safety of Douglas’s place; he called me a wanker, but otherwise let me hide for a while.
I didn’t like distant, housekeeper Shelby.
There was absolutely no touching. No affectionate hugs or sweet teasing.
My schedule was printed and left by my plate every morning.
My coffee was still hot and fresh, but no longer accompanied by a pair of warm lips brushing my cheek as Shelby handed me the mug.
No foot rubs on the sofa for her while we watched movies. No head rubs for me while I talked about some funny thing that happened during the day. No teasing and putting me in my place. In fact, no movies.
She worked endlessly. Morning until night. She scrubbed and cleaned. Organized and fixed. Baked and cooked. Filled the freezer. Ironed everything I owned.
The whole time with no music playing.
That freaked me out the most.
Shelby always had music playing.
The house was utterly…empty. I was empty.I walked into the kitchen on Thursday afternoon to find both Lily and Everett at the table. They looked solemn. “What’s up? Fashion day not going well?” I asked lightly, trying to fight the sudden tightening of my stomach.
Lily smiled, but it looked forced. “I think we’ve picked a dress.”
“Good.”
“If it’s, ah, still needed.”
Bloody what?
Everett cleared his throat. “Gillian is available this weekend, Liam, if you would rather she…” His voice trailed off as I gaped at him.
“Is Shelby not coming with me?” Just the thought made me cringe. She kept me calm—I needed her.
“She wondered if maybe you would prefer someone else.”
Enough of this crap. I was done. “Where is Shelby?”
“She went to get something upstairs.”
“Stay here. Both of you.”SHELBYI heard Liam’s pounding footsteps heading my way, and I braced myself for what was coming. I wiped at my face, feeling exhausted.
Ever since his unexpected declaration the other day, my life had been in turmoil.
Once he uttered the words, I couldn’t get away from him fast enough.
I had stormed up the stairs to my room, pacing the floor. My lips still tingled from the feeling of Liam’s moving with mine. My chest ached with how much I wanted to feel them again. To feel him pressed against me. My mind was racing with his declarations. I was shocked by his words. Only, he couldn’t possibly mean them.
There was no way he could be in love with me.
He could have anyone. Why would he want me?
No. He was worried about me dating again and deserting him. It had to be that simple. He was only reacting, not feeling.
I slipped to the floor, resting my head against the side of my bed, my body suddenly tired.
Liam needed to be looked after. That was what I did. The thought of me maybe not doing that was what started this change in him. He had been acting strangely since the morning Douglas asked me out. Liam didn’t want to lose me—as his housekeeper.
Despite what he said about the “wisdom” imparted to him by Douglas and Everett, he couldn’t be in love with me.
My head fell back as I thought about it.
What him loving me would be like.
How open and affectionate he would be. How much he would make me laugh. How it would feel to have him kiss me—really kiss me. Make love to me.
Until, of course, he grew tired of it, of me. Because he would; I had nothing exciting to offer him. He lived in a world of glamorous people; he traveled, dined in exclusive restaurants, and attended elite functions. All of which were captured on film and posted for everyone to see. Why would he want his housekeeper to be a part of that?
When and if he changed his mind, I would lose everything. There was no way I could stay once he came to his senses. The house I had come to think of as my home. The quiet, happy life I had made here.
Liam.
I would lose Liam.
I swiped away the hot, angry tears that dripped down my face.
I couldn’t risk it.
As much as it killed me, I had to keep things the way they were—platonic.
I could still be his friend, but I needed to set boundaries and act properly. Once he understood I wasn’t going anywhere, he would go back to being Liam and forget his drunken epiphany.
I would rather break my own heart and still be a small part of his world than to risk him walking away from me and losing everything that meant so much.
I would rather watch him fall in love with someone else and be happy than risk me making him unhappy and regretting his ill-thought-out decision.
My head fell into my hands as I sobbed.
I had to do this. I had to be strong.
Because I couldn’t lose him.
I allowed myself the time to cry it out. Then I washed my face and went back to the reason I was here.