“You’ll start falling asleep at your desk if you don’t let me handle the nights.”
“What about you?” I challenged.
“I can nap when she does. You already have someone cleaning the house, and bringing in meals. I don’t have much left to do but nap and look after Gracie.”
It took a lot of convincing, but I had insisted on making those arrangements. It was my way of caring for her.
“Good.” I frowned. “I don’t want to go back to work, if I’m being honest.”
She tilted her head. “You don’t trust me with your daughter?” she asked. Her tone was light, but I heard the worry in her voice.
I bent forward, pressing my mouth to hers. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I do. I trust you implicitly with our daughter. But for the first time in my life, I don’t want to go to work. I want to stay home. With the two of you.” I sighed heavily. “The last two weeks have gone by far too fast.”
She leaned forward, brushing my hair off my forehead. “Richard, we’ll be here when you get home. And I can bring her down to see you for lunch.”
“I know.”
She smiled at me. My favorite of all Katy’s smiles. It was my smile—filled with the love she showed only to me. “What’s wrong, my darling? This isn’t like you.”
She was right. I hadn’t changed that much—I was still the practical, no-nonsense one. I approached everything with the same can-do attitude. Everything, that was, except my family. It was entirely different. I met Katy’s concerned stare and inhaled deeply. I knew I could tell her what I was feeling and she would understand.
She always understood.
“She changes every day. I feel like I’m going to miss something,” I confessed. “I won’t be here to hear her first words or watch her first steps.” I sighed trying to explain. “I feel as if I’ve been given a gift and I don’t want to squander it. I suppose that sounds crazy, weak even, but it’s how I feel.”
“It doesn’t sound crazy or weak. It sounds like a father who loves his child.” She studied me. “You never give yourself enough credit. You’ve come so far, Richard. I’m very proud of you.”
I ducked my head at her praise. I had changed—I knew that. I was still changing. Having Gracie now brought out a whole new level of emotions, and I was having a hard time acclimating myself to them.
“This is new to both of us, you know,” she added. “I worry, too.”
“You seem so calm all the time.”
She shook her head. “I must hide it well. I’m a mess, constantly second-guessing myself and every decision I make.”
Her words surprised me. “I think you’re amazing.”
“I feel the same way about you.”
“We’re a good team.” I mused. “Even if we’re both a hot mess.”
“We’ll figure it out together. And we’ll miss you, but you need to go back to work.”
“I could quit. I don’t have to work.”
She chuckled. “And in about a month, you would be going crazy, no matter how much you love Gracie. You would miss it too much and be begging Graham to take you back.”
She was right. She was always right.
Katy rubbed my hand that was holding Gracie. “Richard, she’s three weeks old. She won’t be walking or talking for a while. And you could work from your office here, and she might still say Dada for the first time while you’re out of the room.”
I interrupted her. “You think she’ll say Dada first?”
She laughed with a shake of her head. “I have no doubt you’ll do everything you can to make sure of it.”
I sighed. “You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s probably just . . . hormones talking.”
Her eyes widened. “Um, hormones? I think that’s my department.”
“Sympathy ones.” I lifted one shoulder. “There’s been a lot of them around the place lately.”
She chuckled. “I’ll give you that. You’re surrounded by estrogen now.” She leaned closer, kissing me. “I promise, I’ll send you videos and pictures every day. And if I think she’s going to talk, I’ll video it for you.”
“When her butt starts to wiggle . . .”
“Yep. On it. Maybe once she starts crawling, we can have Jenna do a walking countdown. She can build one of her infamous charts. You can work from home.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you making fun of me?”
“No. Never.”
I pulled the bottle away, and lifted Gracie to my shoulder, patting her back. “I think you are.”
“Maybe a little.” She kissed me. “But I love you so much because you want to be here.” She met my eyes. “Quite a change from the Richard I first met.”
I snorted. “He was an ass.”
She quirked her eyebrow.
I pouted, hoping for another kiss, which I got. Gracie chose that moment to let out a loud belch and promptly filled her diaper.