The Amendment (The Contract 2)

“Yes.”

“I beg to differ. He’d be glad we stepped in and made sure his kids had at least one surviving parent.”

His words stopped me short.

“What did you just say?”

“You’re going through all the motions, Katy, but you’ve shut down. You’re not with us. And without you, Richard doesn’t stand a chance.”

Flashes of pain, like small bombs, went off in my chest.

“He needs you. Your kids need you. Hell, I need you. We need your love and patience. We need your strength. Where are you, Katy?”

“I’m right here!” I screamed.

“You’re hiding,” he snapped, stepping forward and gripping my arms. “For fuck’s sake, let it out, Katy. Just say it!”

I wrapped my hands around his biceps, desperate for his support to keep me upright. Tremors took hold of me, racing up and down my spine, making my entire body quake.

“I’m terrified,” I admitted, the words ripping from my throat. “More frightened than I have ever been in my entire life,” I whimpered. “I can’t do this without him. I don’t want to do this without him.”

“I know.” He shocked me with his response. He shocked me even more by allowing me to see his tears. “I’m scared too, Katy.”

The sight of his own pain was the thing that sent me over the edge. I broke. My knees gave out, Maddox catching me before I hit the floor. I began to sob. Loud, long wails of pain, tormented anger, and terrified thoughts poured out of me as I wept and raged against his chest. Everything I had been holding in came out as Maddox embraced me tightly, letting me fall apart while he held me together.

I uttered all my thoughts out loud. Some I shouted, while others were a mere whisper in the air.

How could that asshole be so careless and ruin our lives? I wanted him to be alive so he knew the destruction he caused. So he saw the consequences of his actions and had to live with that regret. I hated him more than I had ever hated another human being in my life.

The guilt of leaving Richard ate at me every time I walked away. The guilt of not being with our girls gnawed at me. The impatience I had shown Gracie earlier today shamed me. I knew I was ignoring their needs. However, my need to be with him overrode it all. I was torn every minute of every day, and I didn’t know what to do with that awful feeling.

What if Richard never woke up? What if he did and wasn’t Richard anymore?

I wasn’t strong enough.

How could I cope without Richard?

How could I live without him?

I needed him back.

I needed his arms around me, his voice in my ear telling me he loved me.

What if our lives never went back to the way they were before the accident? Would we be able to find our way?

And finally…

I didn’t want Maddox to go. I didn’t want anyone to go, but…

“You need more control,” he finished for me, with a sigh. “Sorry, Katy. In trying to help, we’ve been bulldozing you.”

I eased back, looking at him with watery eyes. “I should have said something. I didn’t—I couldn’t…”

“Or you’d explode?” Smiling sadly, he wiped a finger under my eye, trying to lighten the tension. “Good thing that didn’t happen.”

Fresh tears filled my eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

“No. Don’t be sorry. We’ve been waiting for this. You needed to let it out, so I goaded you, Katy. You’ve been too stoic, too strong, and it was killing you. You were shutting down on all of us.”

“I feel so angry.”

“You have every right to be angry. Don’t give up hope, Katy. Above everything else, Richard needs that. He’s going to need all your love and strength when he wakes up. Because he will.”

I glanced over to the bed where my husband was still locked in his own world.

“I miss him so much. I need him too.”

“I know.”

The door opened, and Laura poked her head in, her eyes wide, looking upset. “Are you, ah, all right in here?”

I nodded, more traitorous tears coursing down my face.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

She came in, holding out her arms. I went into them, my tears soaking into her shoulder.

“Let it out, Katy,” she murmured. “We have you. And no matter what happens, that isn’t going to change.”

So, I cried, releasing the anger and accepting the love and pain I had been trying to hide from.

I wept for Richard, Gracie, and Heather.

And mostly, I wept for myself.Gracie clutched my hand tight as I bent low to talk to her.

“Remember what I said, okay? Daddy is only asleep.”

She bobbed her head. “He knows I dere.”

“Yes.”

“How, Mommy?”

Maddox crouched beside me. “Like in dreams, Gracie. He’ll know you’re there and he can hear you, but with the medicine he takes, he can’t talk back right now. He’ll remember when he wakes up soon.”