“Aiden made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.”
He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.”
I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
“Katy, I have so much to say. So many things to apologize for.”
I walked to the ottoman and sat down, extending my hand. “I’m listening.”
Richard pulled up as close as possible and hunched over so we were at eye level.
He grabbed my hand and held it to his chest. “I don’t know why you’re proud of me. I was horrible to you. I yelled at our girls. I told Graham off. Never mind the attitude I’ve been throwing around all the time. Instead of being grateful to be alive and accept the help I needed, I acted like a bastard. Especially to you. My behavior is nothing to be proud of.”
“You were in pain.”
“I should have talked to you about it.” He swallowed. “I was so busy being selfish and thinking about me, I forgot how this affected you and the girls. I forgot to be the husband I promised to be. To be Daddy for my girls. Instead of thinking how grateful I was to still be here with you, I concentrated on the negative.” He paused, his eyes focused on our hands. “Randy says I’m struggling with depression.”
I waited until he lifted his face.
“Alan said it happens often,” I admitted. “I’ve never dealt with someone with depression. I wasn’t prepared and I didn’t react the way I should have. The mood swings and temper threw me off, but I understand more now.” I paused. “Is, ah, Randy helping?”
“Yes.” He hesitated.
“What?”
“He—all of them—think the pain I feel at times is in my head.”
“What do you think?”
He shrugged. “In some ways, I understand what they are saying, yet it seems impossible to me. But they’re right. It happens when I’m unsure and about to do something new. As if my body is already anticipating pain and reacting.”
“That must be frightening for you.”
“I don’t know how to stop it.”
“Maybe you have to give it time, Richard. Maybe your body and mind have to catch up with each other.”
He took my hand, rubbing it absently and stayed silent for a while. I let him think.
He lifted our hands and kissed my knuckles. “Katy…” His voice was unsure.
“What is it?”
“Can you forgive me?”
I smiled at him. “I already have.”
“Will you come home? Bring my girls back and come home? I promise I’ll do better. But I can’t do it without you. I need you here.”
“I thought you’d never ask,” I replied. “Every time I’ve come, it’s been so hard to leave.”
“What?” he gasped. “You’ve been here?”
I nodded. “I usually come when you’re in the middle of a workout or in the pool. I had to see you every day for myself.”
He looked upset, and I sighed.
“As hard as this was, you were right on one thing, Richard. You needed some space. And I needed some time away from you—”
He interrupted me. “I don’t need that anymore—I never did. I was being a bastard. I need you home. I need my girls, and I need our life back.”
Before I could answer, he leaned close. “What you saw might be as good as it gets, Katy. I might never be one hundred percent Richard. I might need canes or—”
“I told you before, and I’ll tell you until you believe me. If you are here—if the Richard I know and love is here—then you are one hundred percent you. Your heart is what I love. Not your legs, not if you walk with a limp, a cane, or if you have to use this damn chair. You,” I insisted. “When will you believe that?”
He stared at me dumbfounded.
“How I see you hasn’t changed, Richard. You’re my husband, my partner, and my best friend. How you get from point A to point B doesn’t matter as long as you get there. It makes you no less of a man. How you treat me, our family, and our friends is what makes you the man I love. Please find that man and hold on to him. He is what I need. What we all need.”
He smiled and leaned close, brushing his mouth on mine. “You’re so fucking incredible. Has anyone ever told you how incredible you are, Mrs. VanRyan?”
I frowned. “If I’m so incredible, when am I going to get through that thick skull of yours?” I waved my hand in vexation. “If the roles were reversed, Richard, what would you do?”
“Exactly what you have been doing—fighting for you.”
“When will you believe me? When will you believe in us?”
“Now. I believe that now.”
“Then we start again.”
I gasped as he grabbed my legs and pulled me to his lap, kissing me hard. He hadn’t allowed me that close since his accident. He kissed me endlessly, holding me tightly, as if afraid I would disappear.