Laura hesitated, and I smiled grimly. “I’d like a moment with Graham alone if that’s okay. Maybe you can visit with the girls for a while and join us?” I sighed. “I have something I’d like to say to you as well, Laura.”
She crossed her arms. “So do I.”
Graham followed me to the back of the house. He stopped in the family room, looking at the equipment.
“Impressive,” he said. He walked to the parallel bars, running his hand along the rails. “I understand you’re able to use these.”
“Yes, more every day.” I exhaled, rubbing my thighs absently. “I hope one day not to need the support, but until then…” My voice trailed off.
He nodded and headed to my den. I followed him, leaving the door open behind me. He perched on the edge of my desk, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting.
I had a speech prepared. Carefully chosen words of regret and repentance. They flew out the window as I looked at him. I tugged on my cowlick in vexation.
“Fuck, this is getting to be a habit, isn’t it?”
He lifted one eyebrow. “Habit?”
“Me, apologizing for some major poor-ass decision I made in my personal life that affects my business one. You having to come to me so I can grovel and ask forgiveness and hope I haven’t fucked up my entire relationship with you.”
He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “It’s only happened one other time, Richard, and I’ll say this. I’m not sure your behavior was a conscious decision. More like an off-the-cuff reaction to a shitty situation you were in.”
His words somehow eased the tension in the room.
“Graham, I’m sorry.”
“For?”
I ran a hand through my hair. “All of it. The words I said, the horrible way I acted, the pain I caused, and the responsibility I heaped on your shoulders.”
“That’s a lot of guilt to be carrying around,” he stated mildly. “I think you have enough to deal with already.”
I shook my head, rolling closer. “No. I deserve the guilt. You’re right. I reacted. I reacted badly. I was scared, Graham. Scared and trapped in my head. I thought it was over.”
“What was over?”
I waved my hands. “Everything. I was happy. So fucking happy. I had more than I ever thought I would get out of this life. My family, friends, my career—” I swallowed the thickness in my throat “—you and Laura, two people I considered my adoptive parents. I thought the accident ended it all. I couldn’t be the husband I was. The father I needed to be. The man you needed in the office.”
He tilted his head. “But you were still you, Richard. It was all any of us needed or wanted.”
“I get that now. But I couldn’t see it. I thought—well, I thought if my role changed, diminished, then I wasn’t good to anyone and you were all better off without me.”
He crossed his legs and rested one ankle across the other. His foot beat a steady rhythm on the floor as he studied me.
“As brilliant as your mind is, sometimes your thinking patterns are messed up,” he stated. He held up his hand before I could respond.
“I told you what you mean to me and Laura personally. I get that you’ve never had people like us or your family in your life before. I also know you were scared, yet I admit I had no idea how deeply your psyche was affected.”
“Basically, I’m fucked in the head, my counselor says.”
He chuckled then grew serious again. “I’m glad to know you’re back on the right track, Richard. Your exercise, the counseling, all of it is working. You have to trust the process.”
“I do now.” I sucked in a deep breath. “And once again, I have you to thank. You reached out to Maddox. You took care of my family when I couldn’t. You gave me the space I needed to find my strength. This is all because of you. I know it and I am more grateful than I can express.”
He inclined his head, letting me continue.
“I can’t repay you, except to say thank you. To apologize and promise that I will endeavor to do better. To be the Richard you were proud of and to earn back your trust.”
“You never lost my trust, Richard. Caring for your family was easy because they are my family too. Watching you suffer the way you did, keeping yourself away from the people who cared for you was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.” His voice lowered. “And I am proud of you. For pushing through. For accepting the help. For finding the strength to be Richard VanRyan again.”
His image became blurry as his words sank in. I had no idea how to respond. I felt his forgiveness and his belief in me. I cleared my throat, my voice raspy as I spoke.