I jerk slightly in surprise at her expression. She looks… distressed.
Without a thought, I pivot on my heel and walk away from Cage and our discussion. “Sure,” I say.
As I approach her, she drops her gaze and moves into her office. I follow her in, letting the door shut behind me.
She doesn’t take a seat behind her desk. Instead, she turns to regard me with one arm crossed over her stomach, the other hand hovering around her throat. “Listen… about your trip to Ft. Bragg…”
“Yeah,” I cut in, throwing a thumb back at where Cage is probably sitting at his desk by now. “Sorry… got really excited about that. I didn’t even think to tell you about it, but when he started talking about the trip and you didn’t seem surprised, I just started prattling.”
She shakes her head, waving her hand. “Yeah… no… I knew about it. Wasn’t surprised.”
“Good,” I blurt out, unable to contain my excitement. “Because I’m really pumped about going. About training again. And well, I was going to talk to you about it tonight, but Corinne and Kynan have released me back to full duty.”
“That’s really awesome,” she says. While her eyes are shining with pride, her voice seems a bit reluctant.
I’m wondering if she’s just not getting the importance of this to me. I try to explain. “It means that not only have I accepted the way things turned out were not my fault, but also that Kynan has trust in me to get back out there again.”
“Yes, I totally get that,” she rushes to assure me, reaching out to take my hands. “And that is more important to me than you’ll ever know.”
“Then why do I get the distinct impression you’re really not all that happy about it?” I ask hesitantly.
Her gaze falls away a moment, down to her desk. She nibbles on her lower lip. It’s the classic sign for wanting to say something, but not quite sure how to.
“Anna,” I say, putting my hand under her chin to force her attention back to me. “You can tell me anything. Talk to me about anything. You know I respect every fucking word that comes out of your mouth, and you’ll never get judgment from me.”
I hate I have to even say that, because she knows it’s true. Especially since she’s given me the same tenfold.
Resolve fills her eyes as she nods. “You might be going to Colombia after the trip to Ft. Bragg.”
I sigh, finally feeling the true depth of her angst and from where it’s actually coming. “Yeah… I was going to talk to you about that tonight as well. I knew it would cause you some worry.”
“Some worry?” she repeats, a question that has enough bite to it that I can tell I’ve minimized her feelings without intending to. Before I can rush to validate, she grits out, “I would say I might have a bit more than just some worry.”
“Of course, you would—”
“I don’t want you to go,” she says resolutely, lifting her chin in the air and crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t want you doing this type of dangerous work.”
I’m stunned at the finality in her words, as well as the notion she’d dare even levy them my way. I get her being scared. I get her wanting to talk about it. I get that she’ll need reassurance and a bit of faith in me.
But an outright denial?
I try to choose my words carefully. “Anna… I took this job with Jameson for exactly this type of work. I was done with military life and wanted some autonomy back, but I still wanted to make a real difference. You knew this about me from the start. We talked specifically about it one night.”
She nods, sadness filling her eyes. “I know. I understand that about you, but I’m not sure I fully understood it until just now.”
I move into her, putting my hands to her face and tilting her head back a bit to see her. “What do you mean?”
“When you and I started hanging out… talking… getting close. And later, when I started having feelings, and you reciprocated… I knew this is the type of work you wanted to do. But I don’t think it really impacted me about what that meant, because back then, you were on desk duty. We were in this protective little bubble where you were safe and I was probably being naïve. But now you’ve been cleared, you’re going on a training mission, and you have been placed on a team to rescue hostages in Colombia. And well, the last time you went on such a mission, people died. You almost died, and well…”
Her words trail off and she pulls out of my grasp, turning her back on me.
“Now it’s real and terrifying,” I finish her last thought for her.