I let him soothe me, though I think it’s as much for his own sake as mine. There’s excitement in his voice, gentle and warm, as he talks about the baby. I can practically hear all the plans going into motion inside his brain.
“Why don’t you take the rest of today off, Lia? I’m just going to be here in meetings. You did such a fantastic job while I was away, and everything is in order. You know the garage code still, right?” When I nod, Beck grasps my hand and brings it to his lips in a gentle kiss across my knuckles. “Good. Go take a shower, rest in my bed or a guest bed. Watch television or soak in the tub… Do whatever you want that will make you feel a bit calmer. Tasha was out already when I left this morning; breakfast plans or something. She should be home by lunch, though. If you want to wait to tell her until I’m home, I’ll do it.”
Beck reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a single car key. “This is to one of the fleet cars. It’s in parking spot twenty-three, the one right by the door into the garage off our stairwell. Just bring it back Monday, okay?”
I let myself into the garage once I arrive at Beck and Tasha’s house, and I’m surprised to see Tasha’s car parked in her spot. She wasn’t supposed to be home yet. Bile rises in my throat, sour and acrid as I swallow it back down. If I don’t do this now, I won’t be able to. I’ll chicken out. I’m going to tell her that not only did I sleep with her dad, that I’m pregnant.
I kick off my shoes in the mud room, hang up the keys on the little hook beside the door, and set off to find Tasha. This has been like a second home to me since childhood; I wander through it as I look for her. She’s not on the main level or up in her bedroom. I’m about to go outside when I hear the faint thump of music from the basement. Taking the back stairs, I go down to the recreation room with its pool table and other games. I find her curled up on the oversized black leather couch.
“Lia?”
I plan to tell her, all the potential combinations of possibly right or wrong words spinning through my mind. “Hey, Tasha.”
She’s surrounded by tissues; the end table is littered with them. Tasha is crying now as hard as I was earlier, and my heart sinks. Beck must have told her. She has to know. I go to her, not knowing what else to do, and my eyes burn with my own tears. I hate that I’ve betrayed her trust and caused her this pain.
“Do you remember a little over a month ago, Lia?” she asks.
I nod, kneeling in front of the couch. The words are on the tip of my tongue. I can admit to breaking my promise, even if it breaks her heart. It’ll take time, but I will fight to keep her friendship through this. “I remember.” The words gag me to speak.
“Chris and I hooked up that weekend. Like we planned. But the condom broke,” she squeaks out. “I thought it would be okay. He pulled out right away. I’m pregnant!” Tasha is shaking with the force of her sobs, and launches herself into my arms. Distraught, I pet her hair and comfort her as best as I can. I can’t tell her what’s going on with me and Beck, not with her like this.
I murmur that we’ll figure things out, whispering all the things her father had said to me, just an hour before, to calm me down. She’s so scared about Beck being pissed when he finds out. I have no doubt that he will at least be disappointed, but I hope he won’t take it out on her.
It’s unintentionally funny how things have worked out for Tasha and me. Life is fucking sick.
5
Beck
I’m going to be a father. “I’m going to be a father, again.” I repeat the words to my truck’s rearview mirror, still disbelieving them. It’s not that I think Lia is lying, or even that she did this purposely, I just can’t believe we’re having a baby. My baby is growing inside her. If that isn’t a sign that we should be together, I don’t know what is.
Despite traffic being minimal, I can’t get home fast enough. I have to talk to Lia more, figure out when we can get her into a doctor for a checkup… Is she on vitamins? I need to get her some prenatal vitamins, just in case. I’m going to make sure she and the baby are taken care of as well as they can be. They deserve no less from me.
I swerve into the right lane and quickly take the exit, glad no police are around to ticket me for reckless driving. The fine would be worth it right now, though. She’s going to have my baby! Images flood my mind of her getting round with the baby as it grows, and how I’ll be able to feel the little one moving inside her in a few months. It’s such a magical time, and even though it’s been more than twenty years since I last went through this, I remember.
I remember the first time Tasha kicked hard enough for me to feel through Carrie’s stomach. The first time I held my baby…
Will we have a girl? A boy? Twins? So many questions flood my mind, and I’m practically vibrating with my excitement as I pull into the pharmacy and park my truck. I always wanted more than one child, and while this is not how I expected that to occur, I’m on cloud nine. The engine is still purring to a stop when I jump out and slam the door. I couldn’t hide the skip in my step if I tried, so I let the buoyancy I feel carry me to the store and down to the reproductive health aisle.
There are a thousand and one types of tests, lubricants, and condoms, but no vitamins. You’d think they would keep everything in a useful area. I check over the shelves again and grab a bottle of warming lube while I’m there. It could be fun to put to use.
“Can I help you, sir?” A teenaged boy looks up from his squatted position on the floor while stocking shelves. He points me in the direction of the prenatal vitamins when asked, and barely gives me a second glance as I thank him. He’s likely used to far odder requests.
The designated shelf has multiple brands of vitamins, and I grab three. The sour gummy vitamins are labeled with a giant red star marking them as something new to the store. If nothing else, I can return what Lia doesn’t want. Vitamins obtained, I go to the baby aisle and start searching. It’s early; she can’t even be a full two months along, but I have to buy something. Our baby needs a present. Lia needs to know just how happy I am.
Maybe I should be worried about how Tasha will react to the news. Fuck, I should probably be worried about how Paul and Jean are going to take it… I have time to think about that later. Right now, I’m obsessed with making sure Lia is okay and understands that I’m excited to begin this new chapter in our lives.
A small tiger attached to a rattle sits lonely on a shelf, pale green and orange in its gender-neutral colors. Surrounded by an ocean of pink and blue, it begs to join my household. It will be perfect. Choosing a toy was easy; the card will be far harder. Picking out cards has never been my forte. The glitter-coated ones are instantly dismissed as options. I don’t want that crap all over the office, and I’m going to surprise Lia with these gifts at work.
Settling on one with a silhouette of a pregnant woman, I start thinking of all the words I could write in it. Do I use the word love yet? Would she think I was just saying it because she’s knocked up?
In truth, I was feeling more than just lust and affection for her before we tumbled onto the couch and slept together. I could not have bedded her with just carnal desires driving me forward. She’s worth so much more than that to me.
Yes, I can use the word love—at least in my head. I will wait a while before saying it aloud to Lia. She is the type who would be spooked, and she’s already so overwhelmed.
I pay for my purchases, tapping my foot against the grimy tile while the cashier bags them and prints the receipt. “Thank you!” I grab it from her outstretched fingers before she can begin her spiel about how I
should be healthy or whatever the hell she’s paid to say, and sprint for my car.
The evergreens marking my driveway were planted when Tasha was born. What would we plant for this baby? Lia has to know that I will want her and the baby here. She can’t be under the stress of worrying about rent or how her father will react to this news. I want to protect her, keep her safe, care for our baby before and after it’s finished growing inside of her. I can’t lose her. I’m hers, and she is mine. I’ll fight for her if that’s what it takes. I hope it will be easy, though. We’ve both earned it.
A car parked in the driveway emerges in my view as I round the bend, and my fingers fumble in the darkness for the garage opener on my visor. The car is the one I loaned Lia. I did not expect her here; she must have lost track of time. My pulse quickens, breath coming faster too as I think of getting to see her again. It probably makes me a caveman to be hard over having gotten Lia pregnant, but I feel like the king of the world.
My dick throbs with each heartbeat, and I ache by the time I reach the house. “Tasha? Lia?” I call out for both women while passing into the kitchen and dining room, and I drop my purchases off in my study before searching in earnest. Running up the circular stairwell to the bedrooms, I pause at the top, listening for any voices. It’s too early for them to be asleep.
Tasha’s door is open, meaning she hasn’t been in it since the housekeeper went through this afternoon to wash windows and vacuum. Maybe they’re outside?
Just in case, I slip into my bedroom and check the private, attached bath. I had invited Lia to make herself feel at home. The carpet is unmarred except by my own footprints, and I make a second path of tracks as I go back down the hall. Peeking over the balcony, I notice that the lights are still off out back; no one would be swimming in the dark.