Especially here, in the middle of the park, pushed up against a tree in a dark pathway that anyone could stumble down at any moment. Is this really how I want to experience my first time?
And yet, the boys feel so right. Being with them, both of them, feels natural… Safe.
Anthony jogs off toward the corner store, and I watch him go with a frown of regret. That is until Vin brushes my hair back from my forehead and kisses my neck, my jawline, the corner of my lips. He’s trying to distract me again, draw me back into the moment. It almost works. I turn to kiss him, but it’s different now. I’m too nervous—all I can think about is Anthony’s trip to the store, and what it means for the immediate future. I’m about to lose my V-card. In the woods. With two guys at once.
“Are you okay?” Vin asks softly, breaking away from the kiss to study me, his dark eyes thoughtful and serious.
“Yeah,” I answer, way too quickly. “Fine. I just mean, this is… different.”
He smiles, his hand cupping my cheek. “Being with two guys? Don’t worry, Cass. It’s the same as being with one. Better, though, I’d say.” He winks, and my cheeks flush.
“Not that I’d know, but sure,” I laugh. Then, realizing what I just said, I freeze, my eyes going wide.
Vin’s smile vanishes. He tilts his head, a confused furrow between his brows. “What did you just say?”
“I mean… Er…” My cheeks could start a forest fire right now. “Just that, I don’t know what it’s like with one guy, let alone two.”
“You’re a virgin?”
The way he asks it, it sounds like an accusation. I shut my eyes, wincing. “Yes. So?”
“You never mentioned that before.” When I open my eyes again, Vin has backed off, his expression completely different. Calm and controlled again, no longer full of lust or desire.
Shit. I fucked this up.
“Never mentioned what?” Anthony asks as he jogs back up the path toward us, just close enough to catch the tail end of our conversation.
Vin is in the process of picking up his bag and Anthony’s, slinging them both over his shoulder. “We’ve got to go, Anthony.”
Anthony glances back and forth between us, to the store bag in his hand. But when he meets Vin’s eyes, something passes between them, a kind of unspoken code. The boys know each other too well by now, and Anthony must know whatever Vin is trying to tell him. Because he pockets the bag and turns to leave as well.
“Thanks, Cass,” Anthony is saying, but Vin’s already walking away, fast, toward the dorms. I just lean back against the tree watching them go, fighting back tears of frustration and confusion.
Why the hell did I admit that to them? Of course they don’t want to sleep with a virgin. They want a girl who knows what she’s doing, who’s experienced enough to handle them. AKA, not me.
I shut my eyes and bite the inside of my cheek, forcing myself not to cry until the boys are out of sight, and I’m finally alone in the woods.
5
It’s been almost 12 hours since the guys left me in the woods. I haven’t been able to bring myself to go back to the dorm room we share—I spent last night sleeping in my stupid car out on the edge of campus. I have one text from Anthony around midnight asking if I’m okay and to please let them know. I replied to say I’m fine, then I turned my phone off and curled up on my back seat under the beach towel I found in my trunk.
Luckily it’s not too cold out yet, but I obviously can’t keep sleeping in the car. I need to get my shit together.
Besides, what the hell is wrong with them, leaving me alone in the forest just because it was my first time? Judgmental much?
All throughout my morning classes, I swing wildly from anger to sadness to anger again. They have no right to judge me for not having slept with anybody yet. It’s not my fault they assumed I was more experienced than I am.
After bio, which Vin didn’t show up to, I finally decide that I need to head back to the dorm. I can’t hide from my own room. When I get there, though, the place is empty, and Anthony even cleaned up the usual mess on his side of the room. Maybe they’ve been avoiding coming back too because they don’t want to have the talk with their roommate about how they can’t hook up with a virgin. The ache in my chest starts up again as I think about what could have been, the way they kissed me, the way they touched me…
The whole time I shower, I think of their hands on my body. I touch my breasts, my hips, my stomach, pretending my hands are Vin’s or Anthony’s. But it’s not the same. Not without their heat, their passion. When I touch my pussy, fingers circling my aching clit, all I can think about is the sudden change in Vin’s expression. The moment when he went from hot and lustful to turned off, cold.
I leave the shower without reaching an orgasm, and it only makes me more hot and bothered than I was before.
I spend my afternoon classes distracted, texting Nita under the table. I leave out a few details, like the whole two-guys-at-once part, but just say I got shunned last night when a guy who was kissing me found out I’m a virgin.
What a douche, Nita replies immediately. Screw him! Or rather, don’t. Find someone who will appreciate your first time, not be afraid of it.
She’s right, I realize. I shouldn’t be sad at all. I should be glad I dodged a bullet, not sleeping with these guys. In fact, I should tell them just how shitty they’ve been.
Tonight, I decide. When I get back to the dorm room after my last class, I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.
I stand outside our dorm room door, fists clenched. You can do this, I tell myself. But if I’m honest, I’ve been procrastinating. Taking forever to eat dinner, spending some time in the library afterward to get a jump-start on homework. Anything to avoid coming here and confronting the guys. I don’t want them to team up against me again, talk me into feeling ashamed of myself. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of and how dare they try to make me feel that way.
I square my shoulders. I’m right. I can do this.
I shoulder open the door.
Then I freeze in the entryway, gaping.
Because our room has been completely transformed.
Candles light every surface, from the desks to the edges of the boys’ beds. The floor is strewn with rose petals, which make the whole room smell amazing, and there’s soft music playing from a speaker set in the corner. For a moment, all I can do is stare and wonder how long this all took to put together.
Then my fists tighten.
Figures. I’m gone for one day and they decide to set up the place to seduce their next mark.
I’m only in the doorway for half a minute before I hear footsteps behind me. I step inside the room, turn to watch Anthony and Vin enter. They’re both in full on suits, which makes me take another step backward involuntarily to get as far from them as possible. Because the animal, instinctive part of my brain wants to grab them both and drag them inside right now. Damn them. Why do they have to look so fucking hot right now?
“Cassidy,” Vin starts, but I launch into my speech over him. The only way I’ll get this out is by blurting it now, before they have time to distract me again.
“I can’t believe you. Both of you,” I say. As I do, they step inside and close the door behind them, so at least the whole hallway won’t hear our shit. “It was a big deal for me to go along with your idea, you know.” My fists tremble at my sides, and it takes every ounce of effort I have to keep my spine straight, head held high.
“I wanted my first time to mean something, to be special, and I was afraid if it was with you guys—both of you—it would just be another hook-up. I mean, who the hell has a ménage à trois when they lose their virginity?” I can’t help the way my voice rises, as I get more and more angry at the situation. At what they made me feel.
“But you guys kept asking, and the more I got to know you, the more I thought that maybe you were right, maybe it could work, and it could mean something. But then the second you find out that I’m a
virgin, you toss me aside like I’m nothing?” My eyes burn with unshed tears. I refuse to cry in front of them, not now. But damn, this hurts more than I expected. “You treated me like I was nothing except sex for you, and—”