Not Meant To Be Broken

“Let’s get you home,” Kevin said. “Maybe when you aren’t wasted anymore, we can figure out a way to get you back together with Amber.”

Why could I possibly do or say to make Amber give us another chance?

CHAPTER TWENTY

Amber

Loud knocking woke me. I glanced at my alarm clock. It was after midnight. I slipped out of bed and walked out of my room. “Brian?” I called but he wasn’t home. Maybe he was with Lauren. I headed for the entrance door but didn’t open it even when the knocking got more insistent. I peered through the peephole but it was empty. “Who’s there?” I asked.

“It’s me, Kevin.” He sounded strained. “Could you let me in? Zach can’t find his keys.”

After a moment of hesitation, I unlocked the door and found Kevin holding Zach up against the wall in the corridor. Zach was totally drunk. I sighed. “Do you need help carrying him?”

Kevin grunted when Zach stumbled against him. “Yeah. Maybe we can get him onto the couch. His room is definitely too far away.”

Kevin and I half-dragged, half-carried Zach over to the couch where he fell back and passed out.

“What happened?” I shook my head. “I probably don’t want to know.”

“He’s never been like this. I mean he’s always drowned his frustration in alcohol after a talk with his father, but he’s been drunk every day since your break-up. He’s miserable because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“He misses you,” Kevin said softly. “He loves you, Amber.”

“Did he tell you that? Because he never once said he loved me. And it doesn’t matter anymore. We would have never made it. Zach’s going to lead a company and I’m not the right person to be at his side for that.”

“The last thing Zach wants is to join his father’s company.”

“But he’s going to anyway. What does it matter what he, what we want, if we don’t act upon it?” That made me pause. I had acted against what I really wanted when I’d broken up with Zach.

“Do you want me to stay? Someone needs to keep an eye on him in case he throws up.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll stay with him,” I said quietly. When Kevin had left, I perched on the armrest above Zach’s head. I couldn’t resist. I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair. He stirred and turned his head toward the ministrations. I closed my eyes against the emotions rising up in me. I wanted nothing more than to stretch out beside Zach, to feel his heartbeat against my cheek, to snuggle up to him and fall asleep with his comforting scent in my nose. Even if he smelled of smoke and beer right now. I rested my head against the backrest and kept stroking Zach’s hair until I fell asleep.

***

When I woke, my body was stiff from my awkward position draped over the backrest. I opened my eyes to find Zach staring at me. He was stretched out on the sofa and my hand was still in his hair. I pulled it away and sat up. “You kept watch over me?” he said in a gravelly voice. I loved his morning voice. Looking at his face, I realized I still loved him as much as before I’d broken up with him. Maybe it took longer to forget someone who helped you find yourself again. “Someone had to. You were really drunk.”

I slid off the armrest to bring some distance between Zach and me. Zach’s eyes followed me. I couldn’t read the emotion on his face, but I couldn’t stand it a moment longer. “I need to pack,” I said.

Zach stood. “You’re leaving?”

“For Christmas. I’m spending a few days at home. Brian’s going as well, remember?”

“Oh, sure.”

Before our break-up, Zach and I had planned to celebrate with my family because his parents always spent Christmas and New Year in the Bahamas. “You could still come with Brian and me, you know?” I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, but I didn’t want Zach to spend the holidays alone.

“No,” Zach said quickly. “I still need to do some stuff for University. And I could watch Pumpkin for you, then he doesn’t have to do the long drive again.”

It cost me everything I had not to storm toward Zach and kiss him. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. Pumpkin isn’t any trouble.”

“Okay,” I said slowly, then I quickly walked toward my room before I lost it.

***

Brian and I were on our way out of the apartment when Zach walked out of the kitchen, carrying a package in his hands. “Amber, wait.”

Brian glanced between Zach and me. “I’ll wait in the car.” He closed the door after him.

“I wanted to give you this,” Zach said. He stopped in front of me and held out a medium-sized parcel covered in reindeer wrapping paper. “I bought it for you for Christmas. I still want you to have it.” An envelope was attached to the top.

I took the parcel, my throat tightening. “Thanks.” I opened my mouth to say something else, but then I left instead. Brian didn’t say anything when I got into the car with tears on my cheeks.

Zach

I backed away from the door as Amber closed it. My legs bumped against the back of the sofa and I sank down on the backrest. I should have told Amber that I loved her. I’d wanted to, but something in her expression had made it clear that it wasn’t the right moment to voice my emotions. Maybe the right moment would never come again, but I’d given her my present and the card.

Pumpkin leaped onto the headrest beside me and bumped my arm with his head. I began stroking him and was rewarded with a deep purr. I picked him up before I headed toward my room but froze in front of my door. On the ground was a gift. It was longer than my arm. I set Pumpkin down who sniffed at the gift before I picked it up. There was a small card at the top right corner with ‘For Zack’ written in Amber’s neat handwriting.

She probably intended for me to wait until Christmas morning but I walked into my room where I immediately ripped away the wrapping, revealing a calendar with nature photography from Patagonia. Another note fell to my feet. ‘I hope you get to live your dreams one day.’

I swallowed and sat on my bed. One dream had left the apartment less than fifteen minutes ago.

Amber

Dad and Brian hovered near me almost every moment of the day. I knew they were expecting for me to have a nervous breakdown after what had happened with Zach, but I didn’t let them see how much I missed Zach. Brian could probably guess but he never mentioned anything. I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep my composure in front of my brother and father, if I’d opened Zach’s present in the living room with them and not hidden away in my own room.

Inside the bigger present, I found three smaller presents, each accompanied by a note. I opened the first. There was a pair of soft black leather gloves inside. ‘For our next visit to the ice rink,’ the note said, and my throat started closing up. With shaky fingers, I opened the second present. It was a gift certificate for a tattoo parlor. ‘If you ever decide to get your tattoo.’

As I opened the last present, I sank down on my bed. Inside the small box was a beautiful gold necklace with bird silhouettes. ‘You can fly,’ was written on the accompanying card.

Tears prickled my eyes. Zach could have gotten anything for me and I’d have loved it, but this was so much better. Every present had a meaning. He’d really thought about it, had listened to what I’d said. I took out the necklace and put it on, then rested my hand over it, closing my eyes. Would he have given me such a thoughtful gift, if he didn’t care for me? But caring for someone wasn’t loving someone. I took a few deep breaths before I dared to read the letter Zach had attached to my present.