Not Meant To Be Broken

Amber,

I’ve always been good at screwing up and eventually I learned to expect it. That’s why I didn’t fight for you when you left me. That’s one of the things I regret the most. Sometimes you have to lose something to realize that you don’t want to live without it. I should have said it a long time ago: I love you. There are many questions in my life right now, but you are the one thing I’m sure about.

Please give me another chance.

Zach

I couldn’t see through my tears, and yet I couldn’t avert my eyes from the note in my hand. Zach had said he loved me. He wanted another chance. My first impulse was to grab my phone and call him, but I couldn’t rush into this. I was too emotional to make a decision like that.

Zach

Amber had been gone for three days. She must have opened my present by now, must have read the letter I wrote her, but she hadn’t called. The first night of not hearing from her, I’d wanted to go out with Jason and get shit-faced. That was my solution to any problem, after all, but I’d stayed in the apartment. If I didn’t want to become like my parents, I had to act differently.

Brian and Amber were supposed to return to Boston today, but I half-expected Amber to stay with her father. Maybe she’d decided that she couldn’t face me anymore. I’d have to accept it, even if I wasn’t sure if I could let her go so easily now that I’d realized I loved her. I’d never believed in falling in love, and even now I was wary of it, but there was no denying I loved Amber. I didn’t think I could love anyone else ever again.

The key was turned in the lock and the door swung open, revealing Brian with two bags. One of them was Amber’s and relief flooded me. She was a couple of steps behind him, but she didn’t look at me as she entered and closed the door.

“Hey Zach,” Brian said, then glanced at Amber. “I’ll be in my room.” With a pointed look in my direction, he headed for his room, leaving me alone with Amber. She stood near the door. Pumpkin, who’d been sleeping beside me on the sofa, strode toward her and pressed his head against her shins. She scratched behind his ears with a small smile. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I rose from the sofa, drawing her eyes toward me. The smile disappeared from her face, instead we stared at each other. She was wearing the necklace I’d given her, so she had at least opened my presents. “Did you—” I said at the same time as she blurted. “Yes.”

We both fell silent. “Yes?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if she’d anticipated my question and her answer meant ‘yes’ I read your letter, or if it meant something else entirely.

She walked up to me. “I read your letter.” She paused. “And yes, I want to give us another chance.” I could hear the silent ‘but’ in her answer. “But I won’t ever be the trophy wife you need at your side.”

I frowned, then it dawned on me. “You heard what my father said.”

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but…” She trailed off.

My father was really fucking me over in every way possible. “I don’t want Brittany or anyone else at my side. If my father and his business partners can’t deal with it, then they can go fuck themselves. And I don’t even know if I want to work in my father’s company. Payne Enterprise can do without me for now. My father will work until he drops dead anyway.”

“Then what do you want to do?”

“I want to become a Human Rights lawyer. But first I want to travel through South America.”

“Oh,” Amber said, then she smiled. “Living your dream.”

I bridged the remaining distance between us and took her hands. “I want you to come with me. Let us figure out together what and who we really want to be. There’s no better way to do that than travel the world, right?”

Amber’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. I actually bought this already.” I pulled out two tickets for a one-way flight to Buenos Aires. “One for you and one for me. I know it’s presumptuous of me to think you’ll come with me when I don’t even know if you still want to be with me, but I can’t imagine doing this without you, I can’t imagine life without you.”

Amber stared down at the tickets, then she slowly met my gaze. “You’re really serious.”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. The flights leave January 25th, less than a month from now. So will you give me another chance?”

Amber wrapped her arms around my middle and I embraced her tightly, pressing my nose into her hair. “Of course. The first ‘yes’ when you interrupted me was already a yes to the question in your letter. I love you, Zach, and I want to be with you. Even if you decide to start working in your father’s company at some point, I’ll stand by your side. Together we can do it.”

I lifted her head and kissed her. Fuck. I’d missed the feel of her lips against mine. Her taste, her smile. Everything. “So you’ll travel through South America with me?”

Amber

I was still stunned. I couldn’t believe Zach had bought a plane ticket for me. “Yes, but—” His face fell. “I can’t let you pay everything by yourself.”

“Amber, I have more than enough money to take every inhabitant of this house to South America with me.”

“I know,” I said with a smile. “But I’d feel bad if I didn’t contribute to this trip. I have some money in my savings account that will pay for food and for accommodation for a couple of weeks.”

Zach looked like he might protest but then he kissed me. “That’s why I love you. Brittany and most of the other girls I met wouldn’t have said no to me paying for everything. You don’t even care about my money.”

“I care about you. Money is a nice cushion to fall on, but it can’t buy you happiness or love or anything that really matters.”

Zach tightened his hold and pressed his lips against me. He deepened the kiss almost immediately and I clung to him as if I was drowning and he was my lifeboat. So how long do you want to spend travelling?” I asked, feeling more and more excited by the minute. And what was even better: I was back in Zach’s arms and we wanted to try again.

“I don’t know. As long as it takes to see what we want to see, or until we feel like returning home. It’s summer in Argentina and Chile right now, so we don’t have to be worried about weather in Patagonia.”

“That could take a while,” I teased.

“I don’t care. I want to make love to you in every country of South America, and on every continent in this world.”

I laughed. I linked our fingers. “How about you make love to me now?” Zach didn’t say anything, only led me toward his room. We fell on his bed and kissed and touched every inch of each other. When we made love, it was slow and sweet and gentle and loving, almost reverent, and afterward when we lay wrapped in each other’s arms and listened to our ragged breathing, I knew this was the start of something new, something even better. I’d come a long way, had torn down walls that seemed impenetrable, had discovered that sometimes you had to let go of the things you lost to discover that there’s more to each of us than we thought possible. I’d become someone new; my broken self was still part of me, would always be a part of me, but I’d learned to live with it, had learned to see beyond what wasn’t meant to be to find new happiness.

“I love you,” Zach murmured against my neck.

“And I love you.”