She tried not to cry. She was so emotional. It had started with losing Kevin, and she’d never quite gotten herself back under control. Gripping the edges of the bathtub, she pulled herself into a standing position. She needed to get out. She just had to. Ice was a miracle, the kind of man she’d dreamt of, and she was terrified she was falling hard for him. The drop would be long and scary, but it would be far worse when he tore her heart out.
She stepped out of the tub and he caught her arm. “Gettin’ tired of you being afraid of lovin’ me, baby. I know we belong together. Stop pullin’ away from me. You’re here, give it a shot at least.”
Soleil shook her head. “Ice, you have no idea what you’re asking of me.”
“You think this kind of commitment isn’t scary for me?” he challenged.
He pulled the plug and stood up as well, accepting the towel she handed to him. Once again, she noted that his gaze was riveted to her, as if she were the only being in his world. He had a way of looking at her with complete focus.
“I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman. I’m not sayin’ there wasn’t sex. I’ve had women blow me, sometimes every day, sometimes twice a day. But to get there, to get release, I’ve had to order my fuckin’ dick to work. With you, just lookin’ at you, babe, I’m a steel pole. That may not sound like anything to you, but after a lifetime of knowing I can’t ever be normal and then finding you—” He broke off, shaking his head.
“It’s sex, Ice,” she insisted and went to the sink to brush her teeth. She had a thing about her teeth. He wanted to know things about her, he might as well know that.
“It maybe seems like that, but it’s not just sex. When your mouth is on me or I’m inside you, believe me, Soleil, it isn’t just sex.”
“You married me because you were drunk.”
“No, you married me because you were drunk. I was sober. Stone-cold sober. I wanted you and I was going to get you by whatever means I could. I’m probably as bad as Winston with his ulterior motives. I not only don’t have to order my dick to rise and then to release with you, sometimes I need my woman to show me that I’m more important to them than anyone else. Or anything such as moral codes that I can’t even understand.”
She stopped, toothbrush halfway to her mouth to stare at him. “What does that mean?”
“It means, if you’re down on your knees with my cock down your throat and someone is watching through a window, you don’t stop, because I’m more important than some bullshit rule I don’t understand.”
“Well, don’t talk about your cock in my mouth when you’re not covered up and we’re having an important conversation.” She glared at him. “And I wasn’t drunk. I seduced you into marriage.”
“Bullshit. I seduced you.” He dried his hair while she rinsed her teeth. “You chose me, Soleil. I chose you. Let’s make this work. You can see I don’t need your money. Live here with me and don’t spend a penny of yours if that’s what you’d prefer. Just give us a chance.”
He sounded—and looked—so sincere. She wanted him. Really wanted him. She wanted the house. The sex. His club. Everything he was holding out to her. He didn’t seem to be afraid of Winston or the ring of con artists. She wasn’t so certain that his club could handle them. Everyone seemed so nice. Well. She hedged in her thinking. Savage looked scary. Maestro did as well, but when they ate together, he was sweet. It was just a dangerous look he got every now and then.
She was just so afraid of being hurt. Or hurting Ice. She had failed at everything she’d ever tried in her life. Ice was . . . extraordinary. Amazing. Worth something. But he was willing to take a chance on her. Didn’t that count for something?
“What would a chance entail, exactly?”
“Be my wife.”
Her heart skipped a beat and then pounded hard. She closed her eyes and shook her head. “How would I know how a wife behaves? I didn’t have any real examples of a man and a woman living together. In fact, I’m more of a one-night-stand kind of girl doing the walk of shame in the morning.”
“You’d better never feel shame at anything we do together, Soleil. I mean that. What we do is sacred. Doesn’t matter if the world is suddenly watching us. When I touch you, or you touch me, it’s us. The two of us and no one else. Don’t give a damn if you’re looking at someone jacking themselves off because they’re staring at your breasts. While I’m fucking you, it’s always just the two of us.”