He was lost, caught up in the beauty and sound. Everything sparkled against the night, a million stars rained down on them. The drops began to touch and then sink into his skin, absorbed by him until he felt like part of the deluge, floating in space between sky and earth. This was her world, just as the sea was. The cool water surrounding her, carrying her, holding her close to comfort her in a world she could never understand.
She wanted to live in this world or in the deep sea. He felt her reach for it, let it take her spinning further away from reality, and he went with her, free-falling into vivid color and beautiful sound. The music flowed around him with the rain. Streaks of glittering color were weeping violins, and then a calypso beat separated the drops once more.
Abruptly it was gone and he stood there blinking, as if waking up from a dream, looking around, trying to orient himself back to a world that was not quite so bright and vivid. Where was the music? The vivid color? The world seemed dull in comparison. He put his arms around her and held her while she came back from her journey into another dimension. He had no other way to describe what he'd experienced, but he knew that rapt expression of focused attention that often came over Rikki meant she was there, in that world that was in her head.
She turned her head, letting it fall on his shoulder, accepting the security of his arms. "You're cold, lyubimaya, let's get you inside and ready for bed."
He didn't want her to stay out on the porch alone. He was afraid of losing her to that other world. It would always be there, just as the sea would be, calling to her in a soft, tempting whisper. He kissed the top of her head. It was entirely possible he didn't know one thing about love, but he knew himself inside and out, every strength, every weakness, and he knew absolutely his life was entangled with hers for all time.
He didn't like being away from her. He found himself listening for the sound of her voice, watching for her little frown, waiting for her direct stare so he could fall into the dark depths of her eyes. Free-falling. That's what he'd been doing since the moment he met her. And he wanted this life. He intended to grab it with both hands. Right or wrong, he was falling in love with her, and every moment spent in her company intensified the feeling. He couldn't imagine going back to being without her.
He scooped her up into his arms, not waiting for her breathless protest, and carried her back into the house, kicking the door closed behind them.
"I have to lock it," she said.
"You get ready for bed and I'll shut down the house." He wanted to take a quick look around and set a few extra guards in place.
Rikki stood just outside the bathroom door, shocked at the way she felt when he left her, taking most of the warmth in the room with him. She shivered, aware something had changed between them. Sharing her world with him, allowing him into her head, had only made the connection between them deeper. She was happy on her own, yet, slowly, Lev was inserting himself deeper and deeper into her life--into her emotions.
She didn't let people in because she couldn't risk her fragile happiness. Without Blythe and the others, she'd be dead. She wouldn't have been able to continue her solitary existence, wondering every moment if she was truly a monster capable of burning people alive. Lev was winding his way into her heart. She was getting used to his presence in her home, but more than that, she was getting used to his touch.
She'd never liked being touched, even by the people she loved. She tolerated it because she knew they needed it, but she'd never wanted to feel skin against her skin--until Lev. She rubbed the center of her left hand in slow circles, finding it soothing, almost as if she were stroking Lev's skin. She found him warm, allowing her to almost melt into him, instead of feeling his touch as a prickling that was uncomfortable or at times even painful.
She pushed open the bathroom door and staggered in. She hadn't felt so clumsy on land for a long, long time, but the direction of her thinking had thrown her. She was never going to be able to fall asleep without him if she let him into her life any further. She would never feel happy again if-no-when he left. No one could live with her eccentricities. She was fine now in her own skin, but she was fully aware she was not the "standard" model.
She scrubbed her face, looking into her own eyes. She saw him there. Lev. How had he gotten inside of her? For the first time in a long while she was terrified. Not of her kitchen being messed up or that someone else shared her house, but that she was coming to need him. She was meticulous about brushing her teeth, a torture for her as the sensation repelled her, but she also had a thing about teeth and wanted them as immaculate as possible. Each time she brushed her teeth, she remembered her mother brushing and counting, helping her to focus on the numbers and not the sensation. She still counted and that helped to pull her mind away from the terror of falling for Lev--Levi--Hammond.
That wasn't even his real name, not that it mattered to her, but he was shedding his old skin and donning a new one. He could be in her life for a short time and shed her just as fast. Heart pounding, she brushed her hair the one hundred strokes she did every night, counting each one carefully before placing the brush in the exact spot she always put it in.
She stepped out of her clothes, her skin sensitive, her breasts aching. Breathing deep to push down the building need, she dragged on a tank and the matching boy shorts, a concession to her femininity. She did like beautiful underwear. She sat on top of the covers, her weighted blanket in reach. She allowed Lev to sleep beneath the covers, acutely aware that he rarely slept with clothes on. She'd become accustomed to giving him a massage at night, telling herself it would help him relax and sleep, but it was really becoming an excuse to trace every muscle in his body until she knew him fairly intimately.
Not tonight. She resolutely pulled out a book and opened it, focusing the light on her bedside table onto the pages. She didn't look up when Lev came in, but she couldn't help but see him--his energy filled the entire room. In spite of her resolutions, her body stirred to life. He moved like a creature of the jungle. Fluid and strong, he was every inch a man, every inch a predator. He could shed his name but he couldn't change what was beneath the skin, and it showed in the way he walked.
His muscles rippled with strength. His thighs were strong columns and his hips narrow. His shoulders were broad, his chest deep, and he was well-endowed, a fact she couldn't avoid either. His symmetry appealed to her. She knew the flow of his muscles beneath his skin. She knew the heat he could generate. The silk of his hair, already growing out and a little shaggy, the long lashes and piercing sea blue eyes all combined to set her pulse racing and her blood stirring.
He slipped beneath the covers after turning off the overhead light so that there was only her lamp shining on the pages of her book. Rikki remained very still, head pressed against the headrest of the bed while Lev shifted position beneath the covers, turning onto his side and laying his head squarely in her lap. For a moment she couldn't breathe. She tried to pretend that she could read but it was impossible, and she knew he knew it.
"Turn off the light, Rikki," he said softly.
She hesitated a moment, still afraid to move, but there was no point in trying to read when his arm settled around her thighs and his head nuzzled into a better position, his breath warm on her bare thighs. The blankets were between their bodies, but the way he held her was the most intimate thing she'd ever felt in her life. She reached out and touched the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. She could hear her own heart pounding in her ears.
Even the sound of the rain didn't bring her peace. She counted silently, not wanting to move, but afraid she might have to from sheer terror at such closeness. Lev was breathing evenly, but she wasn't altogether certain he was any more relaxed than she was. She waited in the darkness, but he made no sound and no movement. She realized he was holding himself even more still than she was, awaiting--even expecting--her rejection.
She let her breath out and dropped her hand onto his head, stroking gently over his thick hair. "Are you all right,
Lev?" she asked, her voice soft and more tender than she wanted it to be.
His arm tightened around her thighs. "Sometimes, my childhood is just too close."
They'd spoken of it earlier, when she'd asked him questions he didn't want to answer. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories," she apologized.
"I've never told another human being about my life."
She knew the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable, turned inside out. She'd had that happen in grief counseling with the women she regarded as her sisters. The outcome of exposing oneself could be, and often was, disastrous. For Lev, she had the feeling it could end in violence or death.
"I'm not asking that of you, Lev," she said. "You don't have to pay that kind of price to be with me. I don't need it"
"Yes, you do. You have to know what I am."
Her heart contracted and then began to pound at an alarming rate. He was giving himself to her. She wasn't ready. She didn't know if she could make a commitment. She was happy with her life, at peace with herself. She liked her life. He would change that dramatically.
"Lev." She wanted to stop him. He didn't have to strip himself naked for her to feel safe with him, and that's what he was most afraid of. "Your past doesn't frighten me."
His fingers began slow, seductive circles on her thigh, right over the tattooed raindrops, tracing each one, committing them to memory. "It should, Rikki. Men like me--we're not supposed to lie in bed with a woman or have a place we call home. We eliminate threats, and anyone knowing us is a threat"
"You've had plenty of chances to kill me, if that's what you're implying, Lev. I'm still alive, so I don't think your threat is very real." She continued stroking his hair, silently trying to send him a message that she accepted him without explanation. Whatever demons were riding him so hard didn't need to be exposed or acknowledged, not unless he needed to tell her.
He sighed. "My entire life has been about survival and survival instincts. I'm not certain you have any. You should never just bring a stranger into your home, Rikki. Especially a man who has so much to hide."
She found herself smiling. He was desperately trying to talk her into throwing him out, yet at the same time, his fingers were moving in those arousing circles and the way his arm was wrapped around her thighs was distinctly possessive. Maybe it was all in her imagination, but she wasn't moving, mostly because he was more afraid of their connection than she was. She'd come to bed so afraid of giving him too much of herself, yet here he was, feeling exactly the same. And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you, but they could also give you everything.
"I told you, Lev, I know all about you that I need to know."
He lifted his head slightly, just enough to bite her leg in frustration, the smallest of nips. It felt more erotic than a reprimand. She laughed. "If you want me to throw you out, Lev, it isn't going to happen."
He rolled over enough to look up at her face. "You have to do it, lyubimaya, because evidently I'm not man enough to do it myself."
She would have laughed at the drama of his words, but there was too much pain on his face, when he rarely, if ever, displayed emotion. She smoothed the lines there as if she could wipe away the past for him--pursing her lips as if to kiss it away.
"You shared something beautiful with me tonight, Rikki. I want that sharing. I even need it. But I've got nothing so beautiful to give you in return. I've been thinking a lot about that, about what I'd bring to you--and I don't have much of anything useful to give you."
"That's for me to decide," she challenged. "If you need to talk about your childhood, you're safe with me. If you need to break into a million pieces, I'm right here, Lev. I'll find them all, I'm good at details, and I'll put you back together. You're safe here."
The rain beat down and as usual she had the window open wide, needing the soothing sounds and scents. If a few stray drops hit her face or body, she was fine with it. She always made certain there was nothing too important near the open window during a storm. She sat in silence just listening. Usually the rain called to her and carried her away, but now she was too focused on Lev. His ragged breathing. The seduction of his fingers. The need in him.
In his own quiet way, Lev was as desperate to be saved as she had been before Blythe and the others reached out to her. Whatever revelation he was thinking of giving her, it was something he protected fiercely. A piece of himself--the last piece. And he was handing it into her keeping. She recognized the enormity of what he was doing. She remained silent, just waiting, unsure of what he was going to say, but knowing it would change her life forever if he said it, because she would never turn her back on him, never walk away, no matter how difficult it was. If he gave her such a gift, made himself that vulnerable, she would treasure and protect him with every breath in her body.
Lev continued to stroke his fingers along the satin length of her thigh. It was a gift to do something so simple, to lie in bed with a woman, touching her skin, inhaling her scent while the rain poured down on the roof. He wanted her more than anything in his life. He wanted this woman, this life with her, yet he felt guilty knowing she didn't see the killer in him. That wasn't fair. He was a violent man, a cold one, his emotions were buried deep, allowing him an expertise few could achieve. He'd watched the suffering of others, his need to go to their aid suppressed in order to focus on accomplishing his goal.
He was risking everything, yet he could never live with himself if she didn't go into this knowing what kind of man he was. He wanted one person to know him. To see him. And if she took him as he was, broken, tainted, twisted even, he would never give her up. She had to see into him. It was the only real gift he could give her. He would love her fiercely, protect her with everything in him, but she had to see and accept who and what he really was.
"When I was a boy, we lived in a tiny apartment. It was cold most of the time. Not like this, but really cold. I remember ice on the inside of the door."
Her fingers stilled in his hair, curled and held on as if she realized the story he was telling her was going to be ugly and horrific but told in a matter-of-fact voice, because he could never face it other than looking at it as if from a great distance and from behind a transparent wall, where emotions had no place.
"There were seven of us, all boys. We were very close in age and we slept together in the same bed, except for the baby. It was how we stayed warm, I think. I can barely remember the faces of my parents, but my memories of them are good. They were good to us. My father was a man who had amazing gifts and he passed them on to all of us. Gifts that allowed us to do things most people can't do."
"We have a family in this town that has extraordinary gifts," Rikki conceded. "Remember, I mentioned them to you."
"That doesn't surprise me," he murmured, turning back to nuzzle her thigh. He rested his head on her lap again. "Sea Haven has a powerful energy. I can feel it every time I walk outside. It's stronger the closer to the ocean we get. Power attracts power, just as elements attract elements. I wouldn't be surprised if several people living in or around Sea Haven have some degree of psychic power."
"I suppose you're right. All of us felt the pull of this place, and I've never been happier," Rikki admitted.
"We didn't live anywhere near powerful energy, but my father had undeniable gifts and at the time, there was turmoil in the government, conspiracies and many individuals fighting for their own agendas. My father backed the wrong party and they came one night as a huge force, very frightening."
"I huddled there with my brothers, so scared. The soldiers burst into our apartment." He could feel her thighs tremble beneath his head, but her hand was anchored firmly in his hair, as if holding him to her, and her arm went around his shoulders. She was very empathetic, and although he was viewing his childhood from a distance, she was feeling what he should have been.
"They executed my father first and then my mother. I was separated from my brothers, and each of us was ta
ken and sent to training facilities. With our particular genetics, they believed we could better serve our government if we were indoctrinated at a young age and held no loyalty to one another or to a family. Later, of course, I realized, as I'm sure my other brothers did, that they feared us, just as they feared our father. Unfortunately, we were so young that their indoctrination and isolation techniques worked."
She began stroking small caresses through his hair. "What did they do to you?"
"They kept me from my brothers and put me in a facility where they trained and educated me. I speak multiple languages and had to perfect each accent. I learned weapons, hand-to-hand combat and sexual technique. I had to learn absolute control and discipline. Fun was defeating one's enemy, and everyone there was an enemy. We were trained to work alone. We were trained to endure torture and not break. My forte was the ability to shed one identity for another. I can blend in anywhere, become anyone, and it has served me and my government well. Since they took me from my parents, I don't recall one time when I was not in training. Duty and discipline were my childhood."
There was no pity in his voice or in his mind. He accepted his life, and he accepted that he couldn't change what had happened to him.
"It must have been a frightening childhood."
"It shaped who I am, what I am. I killed for them, Rikki. Hundreds, maybe thousands in my lifetime. I lived in the shadows and hunted for them. I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It just was. I still have no idea why I was on that yacht, but I have images in my head of events leading to my boarding the yacht. I think the man I was after was involved in human trafficking. There were women ..." He shrugged. "I had to make difficult decisions that affected other lives."
Lev fell into silence--touching her mind, he showed her images of women being brutally tortured, of violent death, sudden and horrific, of the cold-blooded kills that stained his soul and over time had chipped most of it away. He waited for the full implications of what he'd told and shown her to sink in. Rikki might not believe him. There were many children taken for political reasons and raised to be assets for the government or the secret police, or even to be special assassins. He and his brothers were feared for their gifts, yet they were also seven of the most useful tools his country had. They were also the most dangerous.