‘I love you,’ I mumble between rotations of my soft, swirling tongue, nibbling my way up his cheek.
‘I love you more,’ he breathes, and I smile sickly, letting him ravish me for a few, precious seconds. And when I look back to the door, Alexa is gone.
Becker exhales, releasing me and pushing my legs gently from his waist. I keep myself propped against the wall, pulling my dress down while he fastens himself quietly, thinking. When he’s done, he looks up at me and catches my chin in his fingers, holding my face in place.
‘For the record, there’s nothing in this world I’m more invested in than you.’ He lets his gaze plummet to the ground at his feet, and my muscles relax as I watch him thinking. ‘I just worry about things. Like what if you suddenly realise that you can’t handle me? My life, my ways, my need to make your arse sore because I love the thought of it burning from my touch.’ He drags in air, wincing.
Just listen to him. Sure, but so unsure. I move forward, reaching for the waistband of his trousers and slipping my fingers past. I use it as leverage and pull him towards me, and our torsos meet. So do our lips. They just touch, but the sense of belonging doesn’t feel any less potent than when we’re eating each other alive.
‘I want to tell you something,’ he whispers.
My body locks up, instinctively going into protective mode. What else could there be? ‘What?’ I murmur reluctantly.
‘I want to tell you about the moment I realised I was in love with you,’ he says against my lips. I’ve withdrawn in surprise before I can stop myself, finding Becker smiling shyly, his whole body tense now, too. ‘When you ran away from me, after you found out it was me who was in your ap—’
I raise a hand quickly, halting him, telling him silently that an elaboration on that particular time isn’t necessary. He nods his understanding. ‘I stood in the middle of the road in fucking agony. I tried to tell myself that the freezing cold was hurting me, but then I realised that I was hurting so much more than anything physical could inflict.’ My heart melts, but I don’t interrupt his flow. ‘I knew I loved you at that point. It had to be love, because I know it’s the only thing in this world that hurts so badly. When I lost my mum and dad, the pain paralysed me.’ He clenches his eyes shut for a split second, his head tilting back. ‘Jesus, Eleanor, I never wanted to feel like that again, and when you ran away, I did. And I realised, unlike my parents’ death, it was my fault. I was inflicting the pain on myself.’
I move into him quickly and circle his waist, hugging him tightly. ‘Stop it.’ I order, feeling his arms come around me and cling on desperately. ‘Just . . . stop.’
‘No, you need to know, because I feel like I’m going fucking mad.’
‘You’re not going mad,’ I placate him, doubting myself. I must be going mad, too. The things I know, the things I’ve accepted. I’ve surprised myself. No. Surprised is the wrong word. Shocked. I’ve shocked myself.
‘I must be, Eleanor,’ Becker says. ‘I can’t focus on much except you, and that’s not wholly a good thing.’
‘Why?’ I try my best not to sound affronted. I can’t focus on much either, but I’ve seen it as a good thing. Something so powerful, it helps accept all the other shit.
‘Because I might get myself into trouble.’
This makes me smile. ‘I feel the same,’ I offer, hoping he appreciates that. Keeping my claws to myself is proving harder and harder.
Becker forces me away and holds me by my arms, gazing down at me. ‘Are you going to stay now?’ He pushes out his bottom lip cheekily.
‘Pick up your lip. I’ll stay.’ He doesn’t need to know that I spotted Alexa and changed my mind.
‘Super.’
He takes my hand and leads on, and when we breach the entrance of the main room, I spy Lucy and Mark seated at a table, both laughing like drains.
Becker swings into gracious action, giving Mark a slap on the shoulder and Lucy a kiss on the cheek. He helps me to my seat next to Lucy before taking the one on the other side of Mark.
‘You okay?’ Lucy stops a waiter as he passes and grabs a glass of champagne, thrusting it at me. I’m eternally grateful. Accepting keenly, I savour the taste as I glance around, feeling an icy glare stabbing at my back, and though it’s obvious who it’s coming from, I can’t see where who is hiding.
I sigh, rolling my shoulders as I lean back, but relaxing when I’m constantly on the lookout for Alexa isn’t easy. She’s made it clear what her game is. I’m mentally kitting myself out in body armour as I sit here stewing, set for battle. I peek around the room again.