I cast my empty carton in the bin and trudge back to my bedroom, flopping on the bed with a grunt. I’m doing nothing today except drowning in my misery. Again. Grabbing my phone, I delete the endless missed calls and don’t bother listening to the voicemails—I’m not up for any more verbal bashes from my loved ones—but then in the notifications I see a text message. My heart turns in my chest as I stare at her name, and I question whether to open and read her words. I drop my phone from my field of vision and look at the ceiling. It’ll probably just be another apology. A sorry for fucking me over. Reading it will only increase my already wounded state and darken my already dark frame of mind. Yet I still open it, certain that I must be dead set on self-torture. But there are no words. Just a picture. The photograph of me and Lainey that my mother snapped at the wedding. A mixture of awe and anger mixes up in my chest as I stare at us, resentful that Lainey’s hit me with the most prolific reminder of a better time. The best time. Literally the happiest day of my motherfucking life. My eyes cloud, the picture blurring, and I swallow, blinking to clear my vision so I can continue torturing myself with the memory of something that’s now dead.
Everything became so clear that day. My plan was set, my falling heart injected with fortitude to do what needed to be done so I could be with her. Then light was shed on too much and my world went black.
The image on my screen is suddenly blocked by a notification bar, now some words from Lainey to go with her picture.I haven’t given up on you. Please don’t give up on me.
I miss you.
I love you.
Always will.
xxxWater forms in my eyes, and I breathe deeply, trying to hold the fuckers back. I can’t lie here all day and let my mind send me crazy. I reluctantly get up and fetch my swim shorts, heading down to my pool. I’m going to swim until I’m exhausted and need to sleep for a year. Then hopefully when I wake up, everything will be okay. Everything will be back to normal.
It’s only when I pass through the door and the smell of chlorine hits me do I realize that this is a ridiculous idea. Those times I brought Lainey down here. The times she clung to me like a life jacket, her scared heart thumping against my chest. I look across to the lounger where she sat astride me. I gulp. I can’t be in here.
Turning quickly, I head back for the exit, but a noise catches my attention and I glance back over my shoulder, spotting a pile of clothes on a chair by the pool. Slowing to a stop, I turn, my eyebrows pinching in the middle, wondering who the hell’s been in my pool. I walk to the chair, and I pick up the blouse that’s on the top of the pile. I recognize it.
Spinning around fast, my breath is robbed when I see Lainey tucked in the corner of the pool, her hands holding the side. She’s in the deep end, and before I can think what the fuck she’s doing, I’m running across to her in a state of pure panic.
“Stop,” Lainey yells abruptly, but the shakes in her voice are obvious.
I don’t stop. Get her out. That’s the command running on repeat in my mind as I sprint around the pool to her, my heart thundering, my foot screaming like a bitch.
“Tyler, no.”
I’m on my knees and grabbing her arms, yanking her from the water quickly, my fucking hand in agony. She’s naked, looking like a drowned rat, her hair sopping, but it all only catches my attention for a fleeting moment. I get her on her feet and scan her body, my palms going to her face and feeling mad and frenzied. “Are you okay? Did you fall in?” Good Lord, I think I’m having a heart attack.
“Tyler, stop.” She pushes me away, and before I know what’s happened, she’s gone from my reach and there’s a huge splash.
“Lainey,” I yell, diving in after her. She jumped in? Jesus, I’m in a bad place too, but not once have I thought about putting an end to it. I open my eyes and locate her under the water, her limbs going crackers as she fights to push herself to the surface. My arms are wrapped around her waist quickly and my good foot pushes off the bottom of the pool, shooting us up.
When we break the water, Lainey gasps and immediately starts shouting at me. “Tyler, you’re ruining it.” She fights for me to free her, our bodies slipping and sliding all over the place, water splashing everywhere. “Let me go.”