Leave Me Breathless

I’m stunned when my sister laughs lightly. ‘You’ve said that for over a week.’ Pulling up a chair, she sits down. ‘And you’re still refusing to let go, aren’t you, Mum?’ Taking Mum’s hand to her lips, Pippa kisses the wedding ring that she still wears, though it’s loose now.

I watch as my sister plumps our mother’s pillow, changes her water glass, rearranges her flowers. She folds the sheets, tidies the room, and combs Mum’s hair. She does all the things I wish I could have done. Standing here, I feel useless. Almost unneeded. But I can’t feel disappointed. Pippa has had no choice but to get on without me. To deal with things. I’m not the only one who has suffered. Would she welcome my help? I don’t want to tread on her toes, don’t want to butt in where I’m not needed.

‘Are you going to stand there all day or come help me change her?’

My head snaps up, and my sister gives me a smile I’m all too familiar with. It’s the one she used to give me when she knew what I was thinking and wanted me to know she knew. I return it, thankful, and go to help, following her instructions as we wash our mother together, strip her down together, and put her in a clean nightie together.

It’s only when we’ve settled her back on the pillow that I look to the door, seeing it’s closed, no Ryan in sight. But he’s out there. Waiting for me.

‘Pull up a chair.’ Pippa points to one in the corner, and I drag it across the room to the other side of Mum’s bed. And we sit. Me on one side, my sister on the other.

Mum in the middle of her girls.

I can’t believe I’m here.

‘Truth or lie?’ Pippa asks, resting her elbows on the side of the bed and taking Mum’s hand.

‘What?’ I glance at Mum.

‘She can’t hear you,’ she says on a laugh, and I realize quickly what she’s doing. There will be no talk of what’s happened in the past, though I’m sure Ryan’s given her enough information during their phone call. There will be no questions or probing. She’s taking us back to the time before it all went wrong.

‘Okay,’ I agree, mirroring her pose, taking Mum’s other hand, but being careful to avoid the syringe driver that’s in her arm. Painkillers. They’ve made her as comfortable as possible in her final days. I breathe in shakily. ‘Fire away.’

Pippa looks up to the ceiling, thoughtful. ‘On a night out with some girlfriends a few years ago, I’d had a few too many wines and wolf-whistled at a hottie crossing the road. A few weeks later, we had a home visit from the teacher of the preschool Bella was starting. Guess who the teacher was?’

‘No,’ I gasp. ‘Oh my God, that is so truth. That could only happen to you.’

‘And it did! I nearly died. I had to leave the room to compose myself.’

I chuckle across the bed, and Pippa joins me. It’s like we’ve never been apart.

We spend the next hour telling our stories and guessing whether they’re a truth or a lie. I learned long ago, the more outrageous my sister’s stories are, the more likely they are to be true. She just had a habit of getting herself in some terrible scrapes, and it seems she still has that talent.

‘One more,’ she says, wiping at the laughter tears in her eyes.

‘Shoot.’

‘I fancy your boyfriend.’

I snort. ‘Definitely true.’

‘Where did you find him, Katrina?’ She looks to the door where Ryan is beyond. Where did I find him? I didn’t. He found me.

‘Truth or lie,’ I say, and she nods, a grin on her face. ‘He ran me over,’ I tell her. ‘Then we kept seeing each other around town, and every time, I lost all mouth functionality.’

‘I hope not all mouth functionality,’ she says around a smirk.

‘Pippa!’

‘Bite me,’ she quips, rolling her eyes. ‘Go on.’

I smile, in my element. ‘We nearly kissed a few times. It was awkward. Then I decided enough was enough and turned up at his cabin in the woods. It was raining. He was shirtless.’

‘Oh my God, it’s like a romance novel.’

I laugh, my eyes falling to the sheets keeping Mum warm. ‘And then we made love, right after he swept me off my feet and carried me inside. I fell in love with him and his daughter. Then the bad guy showed up and tried to destroy our happiness. He paid with his life.’

‘Truth,’ she whispers, her eyes gleaming with a mixture of happiness and sadness. ‘Don’t tell me it’s a lie, because I’ll die of disappointment.’

‘Truth,’ I reply quietly, looking to the door.

‘And now I fancy him even more,’ Pippa says on a breathy whisper. I laugh lightly. ‘You’re married and all things terrible.’