Leave Me Breathless

‘I can look.’ She flashes me a devilish grin, and then we both jump out of our chairs at the exact same time, each of us on a loud curse. I stare down at my mother, quickly grabbing for her hand again which I lost mid-jump. I see my sister do the same in the edge of my vision.

‘Did you feel that?’ I ask, my heart beating crazily.

‘I don’t know.’

I lower back down to the chair, just as Ryan bursts through the door. ‘Everything okay?’ he asks.

‘She moved,’ I tell him. ‘She definitely moved.’

‘Get the nurse,’ Pippa orders gently, and Ryan obeys immediately, moving as fast as he can. ‘She’s not stirred for nearly a week,’ she says, sitting back down, too, but moving to the edge of the chair, getting as close as possible to Mum’s bed like me. ‘Not even woken up.’

Oh my, has she listened to our terrible chatter? I smile, hoping she has. She would have laughed with us if she could.

Then I feel it again. A very light squeeze of my hand, and I nearly come out of my skin. ‘There,’ I say loudly. ‘She did it again.’

‘Oh my goodness.’ Pippa wraps Mum’s one hand in her two, and I lean in some more, resting my chin on her arm. ‘I’m here, Mum,’ I tell her. ‘Me and Pippa. We’re both here.’

‘Again!’ Pippa blurts, making me jump. ‘I felt it again.’

My throat clogs up, and I find my sister, seeing her face is a red blotchy mess like I’m certain mine is. I smile through my tears, feeling Mum’s hand flex ever so lightly again.

‘She knows you’re here.’ Pippa’s eyes overflow, her head shaking. ‘She’s been waiting for you.’

I convulse on a sob, hoping my sister is right, as I wait not so patiently for another sign of life from her.

The nurse enters the room, and I look at my mum, watching her, knowing another move won’t come. Was she waiting to know I was okay? Just waiting for me to get here to say a proper goodbye?

I look at my sister as she looks at me, both of us smiling through our tears.

She was. She was waiting for her girls to be back together. And now she’s at peace.Chapter 35RYAN

I’m a realist. Always have been. I know it’s going to take time for Hannah to recover fully, and I will help her. Every step of the way, I will be here for her. Solid. Devoted. Madly and utterly in love with her.

As the two sisters embrace, I wait patiently, despite the fact that I’m fit to drop. But just seeing her face, watching her hold her mother’s hand was worth every relentless stab of pain.

Hannah’s eyes are puffy as she approaches me after saying goodbye to Pippa with a promise to call her tomorrow. I can feel the peace in her as if I’m feeling it myself. I made the right choice. I’m so glad I took the gamble to call. Bringing Hannah here was for the best.

She doesn’t say anything when she comes to a stop before me. She just looks up at me with those big watery blue eyes and nods, so very mildly, I nearly don’t catch it. But I do catch it.

No words are needed. I don’t have to tell her how sorry I am for her loss. She knows it. She reads me. It’s the most beautiful thing about our relationship. We say so much to each other without saying anything at all.

I pull her into me, kiss her with all the love I have, lingering a long time, before I lead her across to the taxi waiting on the other side of the road.

The journey is quiet. I let her have her time, content to be here. Just . . . be here. I always will be.

As we’re driving up the high street in Hampton, I sit forward in my seat, seeing Alex outside Mr Chaps’s shop, scuffing her Vans on the curb as she sucks on a lollipop. I haven’t seen her for six days, and my heart is aching with her absence. Darcy kept our daughter at her friend’s house, as she said she would, letting her run riot on the obstacle courses, getting messy beyond messy. My neck cranes to keep her in my sights as we drive past, and I smile, telling myself I’ll see her soon. That I’ll make up for lost time.

‘Stop!’ Hannah shouts, making me jerk when the taxi slams his brakes on.

I groan, falling back in my seat.

‘Shit, I’m sorry.’ Hannah reaches across and pats at me pointlessly. ‘We should see Alex,’ she says, and I look back out the window, seeing my girl take off her cap and put it back on back-to-front.

‘She thinks we were in a car accident, Hannah,’ I admit. ‘It was all I could come up with. Darcy was pressing me.’ I had no choice but to bullshit if I wanted to evade Alex’s sharp mind. Her calls have been relentless, question after question – who, where, how?