I nod again, looking up into his eyes. I feel like a million things I want to say are stuck in my mouth, waiting to fall out, but my thick tongue is holding them back. And maybe a little apprehension. It’s too soon for my imagination to be running away with me, wondering what could be. Whether Ryan could be the reason I need to stop running. All I know is that I feel like I belong. But . . . do I? Can I be with a man who is so in the dark? Is that fair? Can I deceive him to that extent?
Sliding his hand to the side of my head into my hair, he closes his eyes and pulls me forward, placing a kiss above my eyebrow. ‘I’m glad you’re here, Hannah,’ he says against my skin. ‘And I hope you stay awhile.’
I nod once more, and in this tender moment I reluctantly admit to myself that Ryan doesn’t deserve my lies. Not when he’s been so open with me. Can I tell him everything there is to tell? And what would happen if I did?
‘Ahem!’
I don’t dive out of Ryan’s space, don’t panic or dread what’s to come. It doesn’t appear Ryan’s worried, either, his body still, his heartbeats level and calm under my palm. I peek up at him, finding he has a little ironic-smirk thing going on as he turns his head a fraction to the left, remaining close to me. ‘Ready?’ he asks Alex, so casually.
‘I’ve been ready for like five minutes,’ she counters, and I chance a look her way, finding her taking the steps down from the veranda. She picks up an axe from beside the pile of logs – a smaller axe – and raises it over her head, watching us. ‘It was you two who were busy.’ Down it comes, splitting the piece of wood accurately. ‘Are you done?’
I should be blushing, but instead I’m looking at the axe she’s now swinging casually as she regards us with interest. ‘That’s a nice small axe,’ I say, moving in front of Ryan and pointing at the rather tidy, manageable tool in her hand.
She looks down, clearly confused by my interest. ‘Don’t let the size fool you. It’s lethal.’
I hear Ryan laughing behind me. ‘That’s the axe I taught Alex to chop with when she was little,’ he says, sounding wistful. ‘She’s become rather attached to it.’
I turn to face him. ‘So why, when you tried to teach me, did you not let me use that one?’ It looks far lighter, far more controllable for a first-timer.
‘Because’ – he dips and gets his face close to mine – ‘you wouldn’t have needed any help.’ He waggles his eyebrows.
‘Crafty,’ I mutter.
‘Or clever.’ He seizes me and hauls me up over his shoulder, and I squeal like a girl. Collecting his big, manly axe, he marches across the lawn. With me draped over his shoulder.
‘Seriously, Dad!’ Alex calls after us. ‘Put her down.’
‘Yes, put me down.’
Ryan stops, tosses the axe aside, and turns, marching back to his daughter. ‘There’s room for you, too, Cabbage.’ He bends and claims her, tossing her up over his other shoulder, and I laugh, seeing her flop over his muscled back like a sack of spuds, her cap falling from her head. Alex’s squeal is far less girlie than mine, but it’s still shocked.
‘Oh my God, Dad!’ She wedges her palms into his lower back as Ryan paces off with us each draped over a shoulder, like he could be carrying nothing, heading to a nearby opening through some trees. Once Alex has successfully flicked her hair off her face, she looks across to me, our faces only a few inches apart, as we bounce up and down in time to Ryan’s stride. I can’t stop smiling, and, thank goodness, Alex is beaming, too.
‘How are you two back there?’ he calls, and I freeze when I feel his hand slip onto my arse and squeeze, my eyes widening unstoppably. What’s he doing?
‘Fine,’ I squeak, giving Alex an awkward smile and a pathetic, nervous laugh when she frowns at me.
Craning her head, she tries to look up and immediately rolls her eyes. She flops back down and grins across at me. ‘So, has my dad kissed you yet?’ She feigns throwing up down Ryan’s back while I stare at her in utter astonishment. I mean, it’s great that she’s being so accepting, but does that mean constant bouts of embarrassment on my part? I’m a thirty-three-year-old woman. She’s ten.
‘Never give a boy your kisses until he’s earned them.’ Back at ya, Cabbage. I need to get this on an even keel before I disintegrate under the constant blushes.
I feel Ryan’s palm squeeze my leg. ‘Hannah’s right.’
‘Well,’ Alex says casually. ‘I’ve kissed a boy before.’