Dare To Love Again

I shook her shoulder, making sure not to jar my son, and she came awake with a start. “Get up, put him down; we need to talk.” I left the room with no doubt that she’d do my bidding and waited outside in the hallway until she joined me. “Outside!” I might end up yelling at her, and I didn’t want to wake Junior if it came to that.

She followed me out to the garden wordlessly with her head down, and I gritted my teeth. This shit was beginning to grate on my nerves. When we first met, I found her shyness cute, even sexy. But now that I know that that shit was just a lure to draw me in, seeing her like this makes me want to slam her into the fucking wall.

There’s no way on earth I’ll ever believe in that shit again. No one as innocent as she pretended to be could’ve done the shit she did to me. So she was a virgin the first time we fucked, so what? She could’ve been saving that shit for the highest bidder; she wouldn’t be the first. Women have been selling their virginity for centuries.

I calmed down enough to look back at her without the urge to do murder. “Tell me, why did you leave here with my child inside of you? Mom seems to think you might have a legit reason; I personally think you’re just a conniving bitch who took me for what you wanted and bounced. So let’s hear it.”

If I hadn’t been watching her, I wouldn’t have seen the different emotions that once again flitted across her face. Fear, dread, remorse, resignation, and then…anger. She turned and headed for the door. “Oh no, you fucking don’t.” I didn’t mean to touch her. Never had any intentions of ever doing that shit again.

But without thinking, I reached out and grabbed her arm to keep her from walking away; her soft, warm arm. Like some Elizabethan jackass, that was all that it took. That, and the fact that she had the nerve to walk away from me in the face of my anger. “How dare you?” I’d pulled her back around, and we were now facing each other, both of us breathing hard and fast.

I know why I was breathing like that, but what was her excuse? What the fuck does she have to be angry about? I would’ve let her go, at least release her arm. But she had the audacity to glare up at me defiantly. Not even when we were on our best terms could she get away with that shit. “Oh, you wanna play?”

Don’t do it, Calen. That little voice in my head was ringing the alarm, but it was too damn late for that. I’d treated her with kid gloves before, pandered to her shy as fuck scared of the world nature, and look where that got me. I pushed her back against the garden wall and towered over her, giving her one last chance to wipe that look off her face, and the fool had the nerve to defy me with the same damn look again.

I dropped her arm and wrapped my hand around her throat, tilting her head back none too gently. “That’s better.” I wanted her fear, wanted her to know that she’ll never get the chance to walk all over me again. My reason for lowering my head and sealing her lips with mine? I’m not sure, but I’m positive that it has nothing to do with desire.

That fucking jolt to the system was still the same, and I hated her for it. That’s why I deepened the kiss, made it harder, punishing, as I pressed my body into hers for the first time in two years. Fuck me; I almost went up in flames. She’s so soft, so giving. It’s as if the time had not passed.

I fed on her lips as my cock grew against her middle, then lifted her just a little with my hand under her ass until I had her just where I wanted her, with my cock between her thighs. I could feel the heat of her pussy through her skirt and almost lost my mind. It’s only when I realized that she was kissing me back with as much fiery passion that I came to my senses.

“Fuck you!” I dropped my hand from around her throat and walked away. I need a shower, a long cold one. And I need to get her the hell out of my house before something like this happens again. Regardless of what my mom says or thinks, I’m not the kind of man to easily give second chances, especially when the offense is as grave as my ex-wife’s.

In the shower, I let the water run over my head to cool down. Shit, I didn’t get an answer to my question. I flicked the water off, determined to go to her again, and wring it out of her if I had to, but the condition of my body told me that I should maybe put that off until I had myself back under control.