Dare To Love Again

It had taken me a long time to get over missing that side of things. Sex, lovemaking had been such an integral part of our life together that it was one of the hardest things to overcome. There were plenty of mornings when I woke up reaching for him, only to burst into tears when reality hit.

There were times when I’d even been tempted to touch myself just to ease the ache of the pain wanting him had awakened in me, but I knew that nothing would ever suffice, nothing short of having him again. And now, after long months of getting over what we once had, why did this have to happen?

I honestly didn’t expect Calen ever to touch me again. I knew that in his eyes, I am now nothing more than damaged goods, someone not to be trusted. I know enough to know how he treats people he sees in that light, so I doubt that he’s even giving a second thought to what just happened in the garden.

I made myself crazy with my thoughts, first and foremost being how I was going to face him in the morning. I have no doubt that it was my look of hunger that had led him to do what he did. My fingers went to my lips, where I could still feel the pressure of his, and my body once again prepared itself to mate.

My breasts ached, and I rubbed my legs together to ease the need I felt growing there before rolling over and burying my head in the pillow. It’s going to be a long night.CalenA strange sound woke me in the middle of the night, and I sat up in bed listening for it to come again. I hit the ground running when my son’s pitiful little wail rang out in the dark. From the way he sounded, it was obvious that he’d been crying for a minute. I felt guilty as I rushed down the hallway to get to him. Just how long had he been crying that he’s this hoarse already?

My little man was standing up on his not yet steady legs, holding onto the top of the makeshift crib with big fat tears rolling down his cheeks as his lip trembled; damn near broke my heart. I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him cry, and although as his daddy, I know that it’s silly to think it, I sincerely hope that it is my last.

“Okay, baby, daddy’s here.” I lifted him and held him close to my chest as I tried to remember everything I’d learned in the crash coarse I’d given myself from YouTube videos. “Right, let’s check your diaper.” I approached it the way I would tackle any insurmountable thing like I needed to conquer.

I found the diapers, the wipes, the cream, and the medicated powder I’d bought because I read that it was good to put on him after cleaning him up. I’m not going to lie, but I pulled back the tabs of his diaper with trepidation and released a huge sigh of relief when it was only wetness I found. “Whew, thanks, buddy, for taking it easy on daddy.”

I wrestled the new diaper in place then had to use the security monitor slash computer in his room to pull up the YouTube video on how to proceed. It took some doing, but eventually, we got it right. I did notice that he wasn’t babbling at me, though, but still sniffling. Food, maybe he’s hungry.

I wasn’t sure that at his age, he was still nursing in the middle of the night, but a quick search reassured me that he might be, so I took him to his mother. Speaking of which, why the hell didn’t she come to him? I was working up a good mad when I opened the door to the room she was staying in and saw her on the bed, out cold.

How the hell am I supposed to do this? Calen Jr., upon seeing her, started to fuss again and held out his arms towards the bed. I walked closer, still not sure what to do here until common sense kicked in. I placed him on the bed next to her, but my aversion to being close to her kicked in for a second, and I was stuck. Fuck!

My son needed me; that’s the only reason I did what I did next. Mom had found her something to sleep in, I guess, and wouldn’t you know, it was one of my dress shirts. I slipped a few of the buttons open, wondering how the hell she could sleep through this shit while trying to stay detached.

Once I released her nipple, which was attached to a much fuller tit than I remember, I had to swallow really hard as I turned my son’s head towards her and led him to drink. That didn’t take too much work since lil buddy seemed to know just what to do and latched on like a limpet, though I had to get on the bed behind him and hold him in place.