Dare To Love Again

“Then start talking.” I couldn’t bear to look at her any longer, so I walked to the nearest window to look out over the grounds, giving myself time to regroup. It was a lot to take in all at once, not only her true feelings for me, but the fact that she’d threatened my wife and son. I’d brought this into my home, around my family. I had to close my eyes and call on all the good that was left in me, which arguably isn’t a lot so as not to attack. I need to hear everything she has to say first.

“I didn’t know about her at first. Your ex and I were never that close, didn’t have anything in common, so there was never any reason for us to discuss such things as family. But then you stopped spending any time with the rest of us, so I decided that to stay close to you, I’d have to form some type of relationship with her.”

I wonder if she realized how she sneered when she mentioned my wife. Why had I never seen this contempt before? How had she kept it so well hidden? Did our other friends know about this? No, I refuse to believe that. Surely someone would’ve warned me at some point over the years.

She was the only female member of our very close knit group of friends who’d met on campus all those years ago and formed a bond that has lasted until this day. Someone I trusted without a doubt and thought I knew. Now her words were those of a stranger, each one making me sicker to my gut as the ramifications hit home.

“ I started pretending an interest in her, but she was always so standoffish, always acted like she was somehow better than me. I was your best friend, someone who knew you better than she did and yet she acted as if she needed to keep me at arm’s length, as if she were closer to you.”

Maybe because she was my wife, and in fact was closer to me than you or anyone else? I didn’t say that out loud as I’m sure it would’ve put an end to her confession, but I couldn’t resist a dig. “Maybe she sensed that you weren’t sincere. Did you ever think about that?”

I was barely holding onto my calm, so I kept my hands in my pockets so as not to strangle her ass. I needed to hear all that she’d done, all that I’d missed, so I bit back my anger and waited for her to go on.

“You’re mad at me now, but I was only doing what was best for you.” As if you’d know what that is.

“Tell me about her mom; how did you find out about her?” It felt surreal having this conversation with her after the one I’d had with Gordon. It’s one of the things I’d left his house wondering about, how had her mother found her? I was almost certain after my conversation with the other man that that’s exactly what had happened. Who knew I was going to find the answers this soon?

“Like I said, I didn’t know about her in the beginning when you two got married. It’s just... one day, I suddenly realized that every time the subject of mothers or family came up in conversation, she’d get this weird look on her face and lose some of the starch in her back.”

“The more she did that, the more I realized there was something there, so I kept digging and digging on my own until I found out the truth. She went to a lot of trouble to hide her real name, but I found it. It just took finding some of her friends from the past who were only too happy to spill what they knew for a few bucks here and there.”

“I didn’t even have to find the whole truth; as soon as I found her mom, she did the rest. I still don’t know who she really is, and neither do you. Did you know she’s changed her name? I’m not sure what her real name is, but I know that Sievers is not the name she was born with.” She rambled on for a bit before turning her attention back to me.

“How did you find out? Her mother promised to make it so that she’d never come back into our lives. She said she knew how to keep her away from you. She promised.” It was then I realized that the woman I’d called a friend for all these years was nuts.CalenI just stared at her, reminding myself that my son needed me, that the woman I never stopped seeing as my wife needed me. I’d realized while talking to Gordon earlier that that’s where most of my anger stemmed from, the fact that I never stopped seeing Giselle as mine while she’d found it so easy to just move on with her life.