“You don’t have to enjoy it so much.” I sound grumpy and out of sorts, nothing like my normal calculated tone of amusement, but my careful mask has fractured in the last twenty-four hours and I can’t quite manage to reclaim it despite my best efforts. “She’s just so good.”
“Is she?”
“Malone.”
“Yes, yes, apologies again.” She doesn’t sound any sorrier this time than she did earlier. “Ursa, if I didn’t know better, I’d say that you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared.” I protest too quickly, making a liar of myself.
“Are you sure? Because you’re sitting in my living room instead of having a conversation with your two submissives.”
How can I explain it to her in a way that makes sense when I can barely make sense of it myself? “In all the years I’ve been working my way toward power, toward this position of holding an entire territory, the one line I haven’t crossed is harming an innocent. The single line, Malone. If I keep her, I’ll harm her by virtue of the life I live.”
Malone studies me for a long time. “She auctioned off her virginity and lost her entire life back in Olympus in the process. Even I know that Triton is horribly backwards about that sort of thing. Explain to me how that isn’t harm?”
“She chose it.” It sounds weak when I say it, but it’s the only defense I have.
“And if she chooses to stay?”
I open my mouth, but it’s too neat a trap. “It’s different.”
“It’s really not.” Malone doesn’t touch me—that’s not her way—but she gives me a sympathetic look. “So tell me again that you’re not scared.”
“You’re twisting my words, darling. It’s not that simple and you know it. We can’t do what we want for the sake of doing what we want, especially when it comes to having a partner.” It’s a double standard for the ages. The men who run territories can take partners and no one blinks, no one thinks that they’re no longer in charge. But a woman does it? Things become infinitely more complicated. A Black woman? I already have to be ten times better than anyone else just to be taken seriously. It’s exhausting, and I’m so incredibly tired.
I’ve convinced myself it’s worth it. I have the power I always dreamed of. I’m at the top of the hierarchy. Above the corrupt politicians who pretend they have any say in the things that truly matter. Above the laws that have been wielded against the people who can defend themselves the least. The only law that matters is mine.
“Then why aren’t you worried about it with Alaric?”
I am. I push to my feet. “That’s different.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.” That, I believe, no matter how fledgling this relationship is in some ways. We’ve been fucking for years, but the intimacy is still developing in other areas. All that said, I do know him. Alaric wants to be kept. He’s been fighting and clawing his way through the world since he was born. He wants to let someone else take the lead, and he’s more than happy to kneel at my feet. “He has no interest in the rest of it. He just wants me.” All of me. I’ll give him everything. I will. I’m just…afraid.
“What’s to say this girl doesn’t just want you, too? Really, Ursa, you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be. Even if you decide to marry one of them, you’re the one running the territory and everyone knows it.”
She makes it all sound so reasonable, which makes me feel dramatic and ridiculous. “You know, I came here for a friendly chat where you confirm that I’m making the right choice, not for you to systematically pick apart my argument.”
“Sometimes friends should play support, sometimes they should shine a light on hard truths.” She re-crosses her legs. “I support whatever you choose to do, of course. I simply think it’s silly for you not to take what you obviously want because of some outdated sense of right and wrong.” Malone smiles, cold as a winter day. “Might makes right, Ursa. And you have all the might in both your territory and these relationships. If you want the little princess, then keep her until you’re tired of her.”
I look at my friend for a long time. I’ve mostly held my tongue about her strange dancing around Aurora, but if we’re dishing out hard truths, then there’s no reason for me not to participate. And I’m petty enough to want her to feel a sliver of the discomfort that I currently do. “You should live by your own advice, darling. If you want Aurora, take her. A little time with her on her knees for you might put you in a better mood.”
Malone narrows her eyes. “If I decide I want Aurora again, then that’s exactly what I’ll do. Now, get back to your submissives so I can get back to my reports.”