“I will call if I need you.” Her tone says the exact opposite, and even though I shouldn’t hold it against her, I can’t help but do exactly that. If I were in her position, I’d be doing the same thing in regard to warning off a person with the potential to further destabilize our territory. Aisling hangs up before I can formulate a response, which is just as well.
Sara raises their brows. “That went well.”
“A necessary reminder.” I take a few slow breaths, working to pull my icy calm around me once more. Normally, it happens naturally, but it takes a considerable bit of effort after that call. “They have things under control.”
“Good to hear,” they say carefully.
I head for the door. “Please ensure Aurora is in the gym by the time I’m finished with my meetings for the morning.”
“Will do.”
“Thank you.” I find myself with a lot of energy to dispel.
Aurora’s just the person to act as conduit.20AuroraI knock out my final three orgasms quickly, and I wish I could say that I pulled on some of my many memories with others to get me there. It’s not the truth. No, it’s Malone’s ragged breathing in my ear that pushes me over the edge. The knowledge that she slipped her hand down her pants and fingered herself while on the phone with me. I shouldn’t have initiated that call, but there are a lot of things I shouldn’t have done in the last few days.
She doesn’t respond to my videos again.
I want to be smug about that, to believe that I rattled her. I’m not sure it’s the truth. Maybe she just tired of the game.
That would be preferable. If Malone tires of me, it’s the best outcome for everyone, especially since I’m coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be following through on my plans for vengeance. If I’m not here to kill Malone, then I have no reason to be here.
Except… I don’t really want to leave.
Not yet.
The second I return to the Underworld, I have to deal with reality. The end of my contract. My plans for the future. My grief. It all hovers at the edge of my mind, ready to ambush me the second I cease being distracted.
I push the thoughts aside and pull on a pair of shorts and a sports bra. It’s time to go another round with Malone. I want to win today, to be the one to demand some kind of payment. Really, I just want to beat her. She’s too good, wins at everything, is too deadly. I want to prove that I’m able to stand on equal footing.
A child’s dream, foolish in the extreme.
A training accident would be a clever way to cover up her death…
A hiss stops me short. I look around the room, and catch sight of Rogue crouched beneath the couch, glaring at me with his eerie cat eyes. I glare right back. “I was only thinking about it. I’m not really going to do it.” I scrub my hands over my face. I should have listened to Allecto, just this once, when she told me not everyone is cut out for murder. Fires are different. Even fighting is different. It’s violence in the heat of the moment, the first lick of flame that translates into a pure bolt of power.
Even then, without some kind of outward motivation, I hesitate.
I pull my hair back and fasten it up away from my face. My mother should be motivation enough. She was in a coma for twenty years. Twenty years. I barely remember her from before that, only have flashes of images that I’m still not certain are real. She was never around, and my grandmother was so withdrawn, I used to comfort myself with imaging all the things my mother and I would do once I was old enough to join her. And then all those possible futures were gone in the space of a single fight, my fantasy of my mother boiled down to a harsh reality. There was no comfort in standing over her bed and watching a machine breathe for her. The spark that made her who she was gone long before I made the decision I did last week.
I’m still not sure if knowing that makes it better or worse.
I pull on a pair of shoes and stride to the door. Can you fail a person you barely remember? I don’t know if I’d be hesitating if Malone hurt one of my friends—Allecto or Tink or Meg. The fact that I’m not sure makes me feel worse. I’m a terrible daughter, and I’ve only gotten worse with each passing year.
Sara meets me at the elevator, and they’ve got a strange expression on their face. We step inside and go down two floors to the gym, and only then do they speak. “She’s on edge.”