She looks peaceful. They have her in a red dress with her favorite signature strand of pearls. Her hair is salt and pepper and perfectly styled in the way she always wore it.
It looks as if she’s sleeping, like she might wake up at any moment, smile at me, and suggest we have crepes for breakfast.
I want to reach in and touch her. I want to kiss her.
But as far as anyone knows, I’m a stranger, and it would only bring attention to myself.
“Let’s go,” Lia whispers.
She’s right. We shouldn’t hold up the line for too long.
I turn to walk away, heading down the center aisle to our seats in the back. I freeze.
Walking straight toward me is my uncle Carlo, flanked by Shane and Rocco. Carmine just came in the door behind them and is shaking hands with a man I don’t know.
As far as I know, Uncle Carlo took over the role of boss. I loved this man. Aside from Grandma, he was the one I had the most in common with. He doted on me, as I was the only girl in the family for a long time.
But I also know what he’s capable of, and he scares me more than a little.
No eye contact.
I glance at the floor and do my best to casually walk past him and my cousins. Lia’s holding onto my hand.
Get to the back of the freaking church.
It’s like I’m walking in slow motion. They’re going to see me. One of them is going to recognize me.
But no one even gives me a second glance as they walk past and sit in the front pew.
Lia and I return to our seats, and both of us let out a long breath of relief.
“You did great,” she says and loops her arm through mine, then leans her head on my shoulder. “The hardest part is over.”
I nod, and we sit and listen for the next hour as the priest prays and gives a sermon. Family members get up to talk, sharing memories and stories.
That’s the part that makes me cry the hardest. I wish I could do that, too.
Catholic funerals are long. So long. But it’s eventually over, and we’re all asked to sit and wait for the family to leave the sanctuary first, carrying my grandmother’s casket out to the hearse and then on to the cemetery.
I blink and realize that I’m about to lose a contact. They’re not comfortable, but until now, they hadn’t given me any problems.
I continue to blink rapidly, and sure enough, the lens falls into my hand. I look up just as my cousin Carmine walks past, carrying the front of the casket on his broad shoulder.
His eyes lock with mine.
They narrow.
But he doesn’t stop. He keeps walking past, and before anyone else can see me, I slip my sunglasses on my face.
Once the family is gone, Lia and I stand and slip out a side door, avoiding the front of the church where the family climbs into cars to go directly to the cemetery.
I won’t go to the graveside service. It’s just for the family, and we would absolutely stick out like sore thumbs there. But I did what I came here to do. I said goodbye.
Lia and I walk quickly, but not too fast, to her car. I drove to give the illusion of us being a couple. Once inside, I breathe a huge sigh of relief.
And the tears come.
“It’s the adrenaline,” Lia says, rubbing circles on my back. “And the grief. That was intense. Let’s get back to my place where you’re safe, and I’ll make you some tea.”
I nod and work on pulling myself together. “Can you please let Archer know we’re okay?”
She reaches for her phone and dials his number. He’s been waiting a block down the road.
“It’s done. We’re headed back to my place. Okay, see you soon.”* * *The makeup is gone. I’ve had a long, hot shower, and I’m back in my regular clothes. I walk out to the pool area of Lia’s home, where she and Archer are chatting with a man I haven’t met yet.
“You look like you again,” Lia says with a smile as she jumps up to give me a hug. “How do you feel?”
“A little raw. Sad. Relieved.”
My eyes are on Archer’s. He’s clearly been worried sick. I can see it in the lines around his eyes. I want to cuddle up in his lap, and I know he would welcome that, but I’m not there yet.
I’m too vulnerable, and Archer and I still have some work to do. Who am I kidding, there’s no work to do. I’m going back to Bandon. Alone. There’s no reason to snuggle him because nothing has changed.
We can’t be together.
“I’d like you to meet my husband, Wyatt,” Lia says, gesturing to the handsome man who just stood to offer me his hand.