“I’m not going to try anything with you sitting right there,” Seth jokes.
“Don’t care,” I mumble around a mouthful of food. “Can’t trust you jokers,” I say after swallowing.
“I mean, it’s been what, four hours since you’ve seen each other?” Kent teases.
“It was what? Six when I left you in my bed this morning?” I ask her.
“Okay, we don’t need to be hearing about that,” Ridge interjects. “I’m good with this.” He waves his fork at us. “But I don’t need to be hearing about that. Any of that,” he says, making sure we all know what he means.
“Party pooper.” Mark laughs.
“Oh, hush,” Kendall says. This only leads to Knox placing his index finger over his lips, making a “shhh” sound.
“Right.” I hold my fist out for Knox; his high chair is sitting between us and Kendall.
“No,” he says, shaking his little head.
“Uh-oh,” Kendall says. “Buddy, you don’t want to bump with Uncle Ty?”
He points at Reagan and shakes his head. “Rea Rea,” he says, holding his arms up for her.
“He’s jealous,” Ridge says, astonished.
“Come here.” Reagan stands and lifts him from his high chair, only to take her place on my lap once again. “Hey, Knox,” she says, getting his attention. “You want to go bye-bye with Aunt Reagan and Uncle Tyler?”
Little man’s eyes light up. “How about we go to the park?” I ask him. He holds onto Reagan like I’m a stranger and it pierces my heart a little.
“You guys care if we take him for a few hours?”
“Nope,” Ridge answers before Kendall has a chance to. The guys all laugh, all of them except me. I get it. The longing for alone time with the woman you love.
“Thanks,” Reagan says, then looks over her shoulder at me. “Do you mind?” she asks sheepishly. “I just think him spending time with us together might help.”
“Anything you want, baby,” I agree with her; it might help him to see us together like this. I don’t want the little guy to shy away from me. She holds him on her lap while I hold her on mine as we finish eating. Knox’s head is on her shoulder, and I can’t help but imagine that this is our life, our son she’s holding.
Once we’re done eating, Mark gets a ride back to the shop from Kent to get his truck, and Ridge whips around cleaning up, knowing his wife will want it all done before they can have time together. Meanwhile, Reagan and I head up to Knox’s room to pack up some toys. He’s always loved trucks, so we take the car seat from Reagan’s car, the one she keeps in there, and transfer it to the back seat of my truck. I hold my arms out for Knox, and he hesitates before finally reaching for me and letting me strap him into his seat.
“You ready for the park?” I ask him. He just watches me with curious eyes. I hope today works.
Reagan climbs into the passenger seat, and we’re off. “Thank you.” I reach over and lace my fingers through hers. “I hate that he’s mad at me.”
“He thinks you’re taking his Aunt Rae Rae.” She smiles. She’s so fucking beautiful; she takes my breath away.
Forcing my eyes back on the road, I nod. “He’s smart for a baby.”
“He’s technically a toddler now, but he’s always been smart. He can read emotions well. And let’s face it, you can be kind of intimidating. You know with all the muscles, the facial hair, and the ink.”
“That’s never seemed to bother him before.”
“No, but before you didn’t get to hug and kiss me. That’s new for him.”
I think about what she’s saying. “He’s the only person I would hold back from you for,” I tell her honestly. “It kills me that he’s shying away from me.”
“He just needs to get used to us together. Today will help. Don’t shy away. He needs to see us together.”
I nod, and the rest of the drive is quiet as we make our way to the park. It’s surprisingly quiet for a beautiful summer’s day. Parking my truck in the shade, Reagan grabs the diaper bag, as well as the bag of toys and the small cooler Kendall packed with drinks, while I remove a sleepy Knox from his seat.
“Hey, buddy. You ready to play?” I ask him.
He blinks a few times and rubs his eyes, resting his head on my shoulder. “Hey, Knox,” Reagan says, setting our things on a nearby picnic table. “You think Uncle Tyler wants to roll the ball with you?”
“Ba,” he says, pointing to the ball she has in her hands.
She hands it to me. “Go ahead. I’ll join you in a minute. He needs to reconnect with you.”
“How do you know all of this?”
She shrugs. “Just a hunch. Now go.” She pushes on my shoulder, and I head to a small grass-covered area. I set Knox down, and he watches me. I sit across from him. My legs spread apart, I roll the ball to him. He and I have done this before, and he picks right up on it.
He claps his hands when Reagan joins us. She surprises me when she sits next to me and rests her head on my shoulder. “Keep playing,” she whispers.
I do as I’m told and keep rolling the ball back and forth. Knox doesn’t seem to mind one bit that Reagan is leaning on me. He rolls the ball, then stands and walks over to us. He sits on the ball and slides off the back, his laughter ringing out.
“Look at you, silly,” Reagan says, tickling him.
That’s how our afternoon goes. We spend time with the cutest little guy around and by the time we drop him off, he’s no longer shying away from me. Reagan tells me that it might happen a few more times, but he’ll get used to it. I’m sure it didn’t help that I went straight for her, and not him like I usually do.
We drop Knox back off to his parents and agree to meet at her place. After rushing home, I grab a quick shower, throw some clothes into an overnight bag, and toss it in the back seat. On my way through town, I see the pharmacy and decide to stop. It’s been over three weeks since I told her I loved her and the same since we’ve talked about the possibility of pregnancy. She hasn’t said anything, but she’s late. At least by my calculation.
Basket in hand, I toss in some snacks we both love, and head to the aisle with pregnancy tests. There are hundreds to choose from, so I pick three that say early detection. I also grab another box of condoms. We used the last one at her place a couple of nights ago and I’m not sure if she picked any up. Either way, we’ll use them. Then again…. I glance down at the pregnancy tests in my basket.
Maybe not.
I can’t decide which I want more, a positive or negative result. I’m leaning toward the former.
Leaving the pharmacy, I go to pick up dinner. Reags wanted pizza and breadsticks, and I have to admit that sounds really good right now. Especially with a nice cold beer, but I didn’t buy any beer. If I remember right, we still have some in the refrigerator at her place. If these tests come back positive, though, my girl won’t be able to drink. So neither will I. I meant it when I told her that no matter what happens, we’re in this together.
I make it up the steps to her place without dropping anything when the door opens. “Hey, you.” She stands on her tiptoes and kisses me quickly before taking the pizza boxes from my hands. “What’s in the bag?”
“Oh, just a few things I picked up.” I follow her to the s
mall kitchen area and set the bag on the counter.
“You going to tell me?” she asks.
“Have at it,” I respond, not really sure how she’s going to take me buying pregnancy tests.
Like a kid at Christmas, she shoves a hand into the bag and comes out with a pack of miniature Reese’s Cups. “You love me,” she says dramatically.
“More than you know,” I tell her.
She smiles and keeps digging. Next she pulls out the chips and salsa, and then the box of condoms. “Good call,” she says, setting them on the counter. “I meant to pick some up but forgot. How many boxes did you get?” She laughs as she pulls out another box; only this time, it’s not condoms. It’s one of the three pregnancy tests. “Did you mean to buy this?”
“Yes.”
“Is there a reason?” she asks, and I can imagine her counting in her head. A moment later, her face goes white. I’m standing beside her in a flash, wrapping her in my arms. “I’m late,” she mumbles.
“You’re late,” I agree.
“You knew?”
I shrug. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together, even before we were official. I know you.” I kiss her temple. “I’m also right here with you. No matter what it says, we’re going to be okay.”
“Promise?”
“I more than promise. I can guarantee it.” There is so much going through my head right now as I try to process this. I want it to be positive, of that I’m certain. I also want her to know that I love her with or without a baby. I know her fear is never being able to get pregnant. How can I show her I’m here by her side no matter what? That’s when it hits me. I don’t even hesitate to drop to my knee.
“What are you doing?” she asks, wide-eyed.
“I love you, Reagan. I love that you have a plan for everything and that you’re over-the-top organized. I love the person you are on the inside, always giving everything of yourself and asking nothing in return. I love the way my heart skips a beat when you walk in a room, and how its rhythm matches yours as we lie in bed at night. This isn’t a ‘just for now,’ this is forever. Reagan Beckett, will you marry me?”