“Give that baby girl a kiss for me,” she says, ending the call.
I drop my phone on the bed, but it rings immediately.
Amelia.
“Hey,” I greet her.
“Took me some time, but I finally convinced her to go shower and sleep in a bed for a few hours. I don’t know how long you have, but I told her to text me before she comes back, that the hospital coffee might not cut it. That’s the best I can do for a warning.”
“Thank you, Amelia. I’m on my way there now.” Grabbing my coat from the chair, I make sure I have my room key and I’m out the door.
I don’t know why that little girl tethers me to her the way she does, but it kills me to think that she misses me. That she wonders where the man who has been a constant this week has gone. Do babies even know these things? Regardless, I know, and I need to be there for her, for both of them. I just hope Dawn comes to her senses soon.
It didn’t take much to talk the nursing staff into letting me see Daisy. As Kendall and Amelia suspected, Dawn hadn’t removed me from the authorized list. I only got a few short hours with her before Amelia got a text saying that Dawn was on her way back. Even though my time was short, my heart felt lighter. I knew Dawn got some much-needed rest, and hopefully some food, and Daisy, well, my little snuggle buddy was having a good night. Her jerking was getting less and less. Her crying has increased, though. They tell me she’s colicky. I’m not really sure what that means, but apparently, when she’s skin-to-skin, it soothes her. I’m glad she was able to get a couple of hours rest with me, and I’m sure Dawn will do the same.
My girls are getting what they need.
I went back to my room and was able to catch some sleep, and now I’m in the hotel lobby waiting for my parents to arrive. I’m watching the door when I spot them. They’re wheeling a luggage cart with a big white box on it.
“What in the hell are they doing?” I mutter to myself.
Mom sees me and waves, a smile on her face. “Come here,” she says when they stop next to the couch I’m sitting on. I stand and bend down, wrapping her in a hug.
“Hey, Dad.” I give him a one-armed hug as well. “What is that?” I ask, barely able to contain my amusement.
“Oh, this is a car seat and the stroller came with it. You’re going to need this, or Dawn is to bring Daisy home. We just wanted to help,” Mom rambles.
My dad looks at her with his heart in his eyes. It’s always been this way between them. Keith and Theresa Adams have a love for the storybooks. Met in high school, married right after graduation. Not long after Meghan came along. The rest, as they say, is history.
“Yeah, I’m guessing there’s going to be a lot that she needs. We haven’t really thought further than just getting her well enough to come home.” At least I haven’t. Maybe Dawn has and she just hasn’t said anything. I mean, she did push me out of their lives without me having any idea it was coming.
“Thanks. I’ll uh, I’ll keep it in my room, you know, until she’s ready.”
“Have you seen her today?” Mom asks.
“No, I did go over there last night. Dawn went to the hotel to shower and sleep, but she was only gone a couple of hours.”
“You think she knows you’re still in town?” Dad asks.
“No, not unless one of the nurses have slipped up and said something. Amelia is Team Mark, well, Team Mark and Dawn, so I know she’s not going to say anything. Not until she thinks Dawn is ready to hear it.”
“Right, well, let’s get this up to your room, and then we can grab some lunch.”
“Thanks, I’ll run it upstairs and meet you guys in the restaurant.” I point across the lobby to the hotel restaurant.
“Sounds good, son,” Dad says, slipping his arm around my mom and heading in that direction.
I push the cart onto the elevator and ride to the third floor. My room is just down the hall and to the right. I leave the cart in the hallway, and grab the box, placing it on the small table in my room. The image on the box is now facing me. It’s dark gray, with small pink and white daisies etched onto the fabric. I’ve never been an overly emotional man. I love my friends, my family, but getting choked up, that shit’s not something I do. However, here I am swallowing back the lump in my throat. She’s not even a week old and that little girl has wormed her way into my heart. Just like her aunt.
Dawn says I didn’t sign up for this and she’s right. I didn’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. That I don’t want them. That little girl needs someone in her corner, a man to show her how a woman should be treated, how she should be loved, and Dawn, well, she already knows. That man is me and I’m not going to stop fighting.
For either of them.
An idea begins to form, and I fire off a text to Reagan and Kendall.
Me: I need your help.
Reagan: I’m in.
Kendall: Anything.
Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I head back downstairs to my parents. I’m going to need Mom’s help as well. I told Dawn that I would always be there to catch her. Actions speak louder than words, and I’m about to be real fucking loud.
Chapter Seventeen
Dawn
I have to admit, a hot shower, and a soft bed did me some good. Though, I slept maybe an hour. I couldn’t seem to shut my mind off from what I’d done. Pushing Mark away felt like the right thing to do, but now being here without him, it feels wrong. All of it.
“She’s awake,” Mary, the nightshift nurse, says from the doorway of the waiting room.
“Thanks, Mary.” I stand and follow her back to the nursery. When I got here during the early morning hours when sleep evaded me, they told me she was resting peacefully and had been for a few hours. I nodded, peeked in on her, and then went to the waiting room. The small yellow room felt cold and empty without Mark.
Just like my heart.
Robotically, I scrub up and slip into a gown and the hospital-provided scrub pants. By the time I’m done, Mary has Daisy in her arms ready and waiting for me. “She had a good night, and she’s gained another ounce,” she says, handing her to me once I’ve settled into the rocking chair. She helps me settle the baby against my bare chest and covers her with a blanket. It’s one of those hospital-issued ones, not soft like those the twins have. No, these seem… impersonal. That brings together another set of issues. This little sweet pea is going to need so much. Pushing that out of my mind for now, I dip my head and breathe her in.
She smells like Mark.
I know that’s not the case, but I swear I can smell him on her. A musky, woodsy scent that is uniquely him mixed with sweet baby girl. Even though my senses are messing with me, it’s comforting. I can pretend that I didn’t push the man I love away for reasons that I know are half-assed at best. I don’t want him to feel like he has to be here. I want him to have that carefree life he was living before we got that phone call in the middle of the night. Shaking out of my thoughts, I focus on Daisy.
“You think she can come home soon?” I ask Mary.
“She’s doing wonderful and gaining weight like a champ. Hopefully soon,” she says, not really committing.
“You hear that, Daisy? You’re doing so well, and soon we’ll be out of here. It’s just you and me, kid.” She’s snoozing away, not a care in the world, and that’s how it should be. Her tremors and jerks are so much better, and I pray that she’s one of the lucky ones. That she’s able to make it through what my sister did to her. I’ll do everything I can to keep her safe and away from my sister. However, with her little disappearing act, it looks as though she couldn’t care less what happens to her daughter. She knew Dawn was coming and bailed, leaving her to pick up the pieces. I guess at least she called. Thinking of this little girl with no one here for her, it’s a thought that would bring anyone to their knees.
I rock her for as long as they’ll let me before going back to the waiting room. I almost expect to see Mark there waiting for me, but I know better. I pushed
him away and broke both of our hearts. I just… I don’t know what I’m doing. I have this tiny human that depends on me, and then I have him. I love him with everything I am, but I was too damn chicken to tell him, and now, now he’ll never know. My phone buzzes in my purse.
Amelia: Just woke up, you need anything.
Me: No, thank you.
Amelia: Can you talk?
Me: Yeah.
A few seconds later, my phone is ringing. “Hey,” I greet her.
“How’s she doing this morning?”
“Good. She gained another ounce.”
“That’s great news,” she replies.
“It is. Hopefully I can take her home soon.”
“Mark called,” she informs me.
“I assumed he would. How is he?” Part of me doesn’t want to hear it and the other part wants any little morsel of information I can get about him.
“He’s hurting. He misses you.”
I sigh. “I miss him too.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t want to hold him back.”
“Look. I know you’re coming from a good place. Trust me, I do. I also know from experience that pushing those that you love away is hard on everyone involved, and really, all it does is cause unnecessary pain.”
“Want to talk about it?” I ask her.
“No. We’re talking about you.”