“If you’re pregnant, it’s not mine,” he says again.
“Noah, we didn’t use a condom that one time. I didn’t think, I know I instigated the moment, but I didn’t think. I swear I didn’t. You just… the words you said, the moment and the things you made me feel… I didn’t think, I just wanted to be close to you. But remember? We didn’t use a condom. You didn’t stop me,” I whisper, knowing that sounds lame. It shouldn’t be all my fault that we didn’t use a condom. I… Shit, I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore.
“You had a great plan, Rory. Fuck me raw, get knocked up and have your hooks into me. Do I have it right?” he spews out, the hate so thick it’s laced in every word.
“Plan? I… Noah…”
“There’s just one little problem,” he says walking away.
My legs feel like they weigh a million pounds, but despite that I find myself moving—walking after him. I’m standing in the hall just as he makes it to my front door. I thought he was just going to leave, but he turns around to look at me, his hand on the doorknob.
“Noah…” I whisper, so quietly he probably doesn’t even hear the words. I feel like my world is crashing around me.
“If you’re pregnant, Rory. I know for a fact that it’s not mine. I was willing to try for you, willing to believe… in you. But, I’m not ever letting another woman fuck me over—ever again.”
“Noah…” I begin, my heart feeling like it stops and stutters with every other beat.
“Women are fucking conniving. They work twice as hard to stick a knife in a man’s back. I had all the poison a woman could spew at me and then I turned around and got it again, only that shit burned deeper the second time. That shit came unexpected and it cut so deep that wound will never fucking heal. I don’t want it to—”
“Noah, I’m not those women. I lov… I care about you. I’m not going to leave. I’m going to stay by your side. I’m willing to be here for you, no matter what.”
“Such pretty fucking words, Rory. You’ll be by my side, face whatever danger, and never walk away. Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes,” I answer. “I’m telling you that’s exactly who I am.”
“Maybe I would believe you, before today. I was on my way, Rory, and maybe I would have believed you—if you hadn’t lied.”
“I don’t understand why you think I’m lying. I don’t understand any of this,” I respond, scanning his face for any kind of emotion… and finding none.
“I can’t have children, Rory,” he says and shock speeds through me.
“But you have Ryan!” I argue, not understanding what he’s saying at all.
“And he’ll be the only child I have. I had a vasectomy, Rory. I can’t have any other kids… ever.”
I stagger back like he hit me. I don’t know how to wrap my brain around what he’s saying. I don’t even know how to process any of it. I only know one thing, just one, so that’s all I tell him.
“Noah, I don’t understand any of this. But… I’m asking you to put trust in me. I’m telling you that I’m pregnant and that this baby is yours. You need to believe that,” I whisper, already knowing that I’m not reaching him at all.
“I don’t,” he replies.
“You have to.”
Silence.
He turns away from me, giving me his back. I watch as he opens the door and walks outside.
“Noah, if you leave… we won’t be able to fix this. This is it. You will be throwing away our relationship and your relationship with our child,” I warn him, the pain so deep it feels like it’s suffocating me.
Noah stares at me and then he walks away, leaving the door open. I make myself walk to it and I look outside, to see him disappear through his front door—not once looking back.
I close the door and turn around, pressing my back against it as the pain begins to settle over me. The strength of it gets heavier and heavier—until my legs buckle. The tears begin to fall from my eyes and I sink to the floor, letting them fall. I hug my legs close against my chest as the sobs take over, shaking my body with their force.
It’s over.37DieselI’m numb when I get back to the house.
Cold and numb.
This is the last thing I expected. I was learning to trust Rory. Now it’s all blown up and there’s nothing left but… a cold hollow feeling deep inside of me.
Pregnant.
We’ve spent so much time together, how did she get knocked up? Who the fuck was he?
Why do I even care?
That’s the kicker though… I do care. Fuck, for a minute there, when she told me she was pregnant… I wished it was mine.