Lyle did. He wanted more moments like this with Cass. If the truth be known, he wanted her forever. Yet he wanted to do it right this time. Make no mistake. For him there could be no long-distance relationship. He didn’t want to feel pressured to ask her to stay, because they would soon be separated. But could he let her go without letting her know he cared?
* * *
Cass moved away from Lyle, then turned to face him. They had to talk. She’d put it off while they’d walked to his place, through dinner, and now she had to tell him. It shouldn’t be this hard—after all they had an agreement. She’d made it clear where she stood. So why was she having such a difficult time bringing up the subject?
“What’s wrong, Cass? Tell me.”
She clasped her hands in her lap. “I can’t hide anything from you. You always read me so well. Flora said this afternoon she plans to discharge me in three days. I can start making travel arrangements. I’ll be home for Christmas.”
Lyle studied her a moment before he said, “I knew the time was coming. We both did.”
“Yes, we did.”
He had sounded resigned, while she was a ball of growing sadness. It should be easier than this.
There was a pause as if Lyle was considering what he was going to say. “If I asked you to stay, would you?”
Cass slowly shook her head. “It’s a nice thought, but not realistic.”
“What about it isn’t realistic?”
Her chest tightened. “My life is a mess. I don’t even know what I want to do for a job now. My emotions are everywhere. I fear I’ve used you because you were nice to me and I had no one else to turn to. I can’t make a life-changing decision like staying here with you based on that. It might not end well and you deserve better.”
“We can figure it all out together.” His words were said softly, beseechingly.
“Lyle, I’ve enjoyed every minute. Well, almost every one of them.” She made an attempt at humor, but his serious look didn’t change. “But I have to figure out my life on my own, otherwise it would never work.”
“It seems to me it’s been working great up until now.” He sounded mystified that she might not think the same.
“I’m just so confused. My feelings are so jumbled up right now. I have a poor history of keeping relationships alive. I’d never want to do to you what Freya did. You’re a wonderful man who shouldn’t be treated that way. I can’t take the chance that you become like the other men in my life, and I disappoint you. I couldn’t stand to see that look on your face.”
Lyle watched her for a moment. There was grief in his eyes. “Do you really believe all that rubbish? After all we have shared?”
“We’re good together in bed, but that was never supposed to last forever. We talked about this when we started out.” She waved a hand between them. “We had an agreement. You can’t change the rules now.”
“The hell I can’t. Why can’t you call this what it is? A relationship. I care about you. I think you feel the same about me.”
“And let’s just say that I do, then what? I still live in America. I may return to a job that takes me all over the world. Anytime, day or night. Or what if I decide to do something else and it’s still the States? Do you think we have a chance at a long-distance romance? How did that work out for you last time?”
He flinched. “There will be no long-distance relationship between us.”
“So you plan to move to America to be with me?”
His face fell. “We can work something out.”
She hated what she was doing to him. That she was pushing him away. “What I’m hearing is that you want me to give up everything and come here to you.”
“Put that way, it sounds unfair. Still, I think we have something real here. Something that doesn’t come along often in a lifetime. Come on, Cass, stop hiding behind your fear. It’s easy to keep a wall up, it’s harder to let go, start again. Stop being dishonest with yourself.”
“Dishonest! Like you are with your father? Have you ever made it clear to him that you don’t want to return to the army? Even tried to make it clear he can accept that or not, but it won’t change things? That you want him to be happy, but not at the cost of your own happiness?”
Lyle looked at her as if she had slapped him. “It’s complicated.”
“And my issues aren’t? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You and your father’s issues are none of my business. But what I do know is that if you return to active duty for someone other than yourself you will be miserable. Do you really think that’s what your father wants for you?”
Lyle stood. “You’re right, my issue with my father isn’t any of your business. It has nothing to do with us.”
“I’m not sure that’s true. Here you are, asking me to stay with you, yet you might be going off to who knows where with the army. What am I supposed to do? Sit here waiting for you? I thought that was the kind of relationship you didn’t want. It seems to me that we both need to make some major decisions in our lives before we involve someone else in them.”
The ferocity seemed to go out of him like air from an air-bag. “All I want to do is make his last days happy ones.”
“I know. But is re-enlisting the right way to do that? Or would the truth be better? You deserve to be happy as well. If you make him happy, you won’t be. I know for a fact you’re valuable to the clinic and this area. That you’re happy with the work you do now. You’re thinking of making a decision, a life-altering one, based on emotion. That’s not a good way to do things. I can’t do that. My decisions have to be based on more than hot sex with a handsome doc. I need to think. Need to regroup.” She hated to hurt him but one of them had to think rationally. “I think it’s best we leave this as a nice interlude.”
“Interlude,” he growled with eyes blazing—and not in the way she would have liked. “An interlude. I see.”
What did he see? Lyle made the word sound nasty, ugly. “That’s what we said it would be.”
“If that’s the way you feel then I wish you the best. Since this interlude appears to be over, I should escort you back to the clinic.” He walked into the hall and took her coat off the hook.
* * *
Cass didn’t see Lyle again until three days later when she was getting into the taxi that would take her to Fort William to start her trip home. She’d cried into her pillow each night since their breakup as loneliness consumed her, then worked hard not to show her sorrow during the day. Still, she felt she had done the right thing, for both of them.
She looked longingly at Lyle. Her heart thumped in her chest. If he asked her to stay again, would she? She needn’t have worried. He remained near the front door, watching her without a smile or raising a hand in farewell.
Cass closed the car door. As she rode away, she swiped at her cheek. Unable to resist one last look
, she turned to see the steps empty. Lyle had gone back inside.
If the last three days had been awful, leaving Lyle was truly horrible. What would the next week or month, or her life be like when she was thousands of miles away from him? She couldn’t count the number of times she’d told herself, “Stay strong.”
What she had planned not to do she had done. She’d let herself take the chance of caring again. She had fallen for Lyle.
CHAPTER TEN
LYLE HAD LET Cass’s words fester. He was hurt that she could so easily dismiss what he held as precious. He now understood the meaning of “It cuts like a knife.” Cass’s words that night had done just that. Over time he had examined them. She was right.
He had been unfair. She’d come to Heatherglen hurt and traumatized. Only a few weeks later he was making demands on her. Had he completely forgotten everything but his own needs? Cass should be upset with him. They both had issues to deal with before they could commit.
Lyle didn’t plan to give up. He’d give her until January then he’d go after her. Surely they could find a compromise between their lives? He loved her, and he believed she loved him. There was no way he’d misread all those touches, looks and how they felt when they came together. He couldn’t be that wrong.
The woman he wanted to share his life with would not only love him but support him. Cass had proved to know him better than he knew himself. She understood who he was. More than that, she complemented him. She had strength, confidence, and the largest heart of anyone he knew.
Cass was the one for him. Of that he had no doubt.
He needed to be worthy of her. Part of being that was breaking away from his father’s expectations. He had only considered his father’s wishes when he’d first joined the army. No matter how sick his father was now, it was time for Lyle to concentrate on his own desires. He’d lived under his father’s demands for too long. Through the clinic Lyle was providing quality and necessary care for people who needed it. He was proud of that service. It didn’t matter if his father felt the same way or not.