“You’re still punishing yourself for something that isn’t your fault. Mike’s in a wheelchair because of a choice that he made, not you. Your way of atoning is to remain uninvolved emotionally with anyone you might feel something real for. That translates into a wife and family for you. I can see that you care about Allie and I think you care about me, too. I’ve spent a long time not trusting my judgment about men. You got past that wall. You’re a better man than you give yourself credit for.”
He didn’t look at her. Her heart ached for him but she had to get through to him. Make him start really living again. He deserved it. She loved him enough to do that and send him away if she had to.
“You can’t create someone else’s happiness by being unhappy. You can’t fix what happened to Mike. Even if you had been wrong. What you can do now is try to be a better friend than you were back then.
“The problem is you have run from and hidden from the issue too long. You’ve left the subject alone so long that it has grown and festered to a point it’s out of control in your mind. Based on what I saw from Mike the other night, he feels no animosity toward you. To me it sounded as if he just misses his friend. Face it, clean the ugliness away then you can see yourself for the person you are. Good, kind, loving, protective and caring. It’s time for you to like yourself.
“I hope that one day you realize that and find someone to share your life with. It can’t be Allie and I.” Those last words almost killed her to say.
His chair scraped across the floor as he pushed it away from the table. He pinned her with a pointed look. His eyes were dark with sadness and something else. Anger? “Are you through?”
She nodded. She was sure she wasn’t going to like what came next.
“I have issues, but you do, too. You carry a chip on your shoulder, Laura Jo. In the past nine years you have finished school on your own, raised a wonderful, happy child and started and helped to run a shelter for women, but still you feel you need to prove yourself to the world. You don’t need your father and mother’s or anyone else’s approval. It’s time to quit being that girl who had to show everyone she could do it by herself.
“You let your ex overshadow your life to the point it took me using a sledgehammer to get past your barriers. Laura Jo, not every guy is a jerk and doesn’t face up to their responsibilities.”
“Like you have?”
Mark flinched. She’d cut him to the core. But she had to get through to him somehow.
“I think I’d better go.” He stood and started toward the door.
Shocked at his abrupt statement, she said, “I think it’s for the best. Goodbye, Mark.”
CHAPTER NINE
THE ONLY TIME Laura Jo could remember feeling so miserable had been when she’d taken Allie home from the hospital, knowing the child would have no father or grandparents to greet her. The pain had been heartbreakingly deep. She’d believed the scar had been covered over enough that she would never return to those emotions. But she’d been wrong.
They had rushed in all over again when Mark had walked out the door. The overwhelming despair was back. The problem this time was that it was even more devastating.
Looking back, she could see her goal when she’d been nineteen had been more about breaking away from her parents, standing on her own two feet and discovering what she believed in, instead of following their dictates. Turned out she’d let pride stand in her way all these years. It hadn’t been fair to Allie, her parents or herself.
She appreciated Mark’s fears, even understood where they came from, but she couldn’t accept anything less than full commitment. Allie deserved that, and even she wouldn’t settle for anything less.
Experience had shown her what it was like to have a man in her life who didn’t stay around. She refused to put Allie through that. If she felt this awful about Mark leaving after they had known each other for such a short time, what would it have been like if they had been together longer?
The past had told her that the only way to survive disappointment and heartache, and in this case heartbreak, was to keep moving. It was Monday morning and Allie had school, she had to work.
Was Mark working the early shift? Moving around his big kitchen dressed only in his shorts? With them hung low on his hips? Barechested?
He’d called a couple of times but she had let the answering machine get it. If she spoke to him it would be too easy to open the door wide for him to come into her life. She just couldn’t do that.
She groaned, afraid there would be no getting over Mark. She needed to stay busy, spend less time thinking about him. Forcing herself to climb out of bed, Laura Jo dressed for the day, making sure to have Allie to school on time.
Allie asked her during breakfast, “Why’re you so sad, Mama?”
Laura Jo put on a bright smile and said in the most convincing voice she could muster, “I’m not sad. Why would I be sad?”
Allie gave her a disbelieving look but said nothing more. For that Laura Jo was grateful. She worried that she’d break down in tears in front of her daughter.
At midmorning, after just releasing a patient home from the ER, Laura’s cell phone buzzed. Looking at it, she saw it was Marsha calling. It was unusual for her to call while Laura Jo was working. Something must have happened with the shelter.
“Hello. What’s going on?”
“Someone has bid against us for the house. It’s far over what we have and I don’t see any way for us to come up with that amount of money.”
Marsha told Laura Jo the figure. They were doomed. The new house wasn’t going to happen this time. “You’re right.”
“What we’ll have to do is use the money we do have to refurbish the place we’re in now and start looking for another place to buy. Sorry my call was bad news.”
“Me, too, but I was afraid this might happen when the city opened it for bids. I’d prepared myself for it. We’ll start making plans this evening when I get home.”
Laura Jo hung up. The sting had been taken out of the loss of the house by the loss of Mark. With him no longer in her life, it made everything else feel less important. She and Marsha would deal with this setback somehow.
* * *
A week later, her heart was still as heavy as ever over Mark. If she could just stop thinking about him and, worse, dreaming of him, she could start to heal. But nothing she did except working on the shelter, seemed to ease the continuous ache in her chest.
She and Marsha had just finished meeting with a contractor about ideas for changes at the shelter when Laura Jo was called to the front. There a man dressed in a suit waited.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“Are you Laura Jo Akins?” The man said in an official manner.
“Yes.”
“I was instructed to personally deliver this to you.”
He handed her an official-looking envelope. Was this some sort of summons?
Laura Jo started opening the letter and before she could finish the man left. What was going on?
Printed on the front was a name of a lawyer’s office. Why would a lawyer be contacting her? She opened the envelope and scanned the contents. Her heart soared and her mouth dropped open in disbelief. She thought of telling Mark first, but he wasn’t in her life anymore.
“Marsha!” she yelled.
Her friend hurried down the hallway toward Laura Jo. “What’s wrong?”
She waved the letter in the air. “You’re never going to believe this. My father has bought the house the city was selling and he has deeded it over to me!”
That night Laura Jo wondered about her parents’ generosity. Had they had a change of heart years ago but she wouldn’t let them close enough to say so? She had been surprised at the krewe dance to discover they knew some of what had been going on in her life. Had they been watching over her? There had been that school scholarship that she’d been awarded that she’d had no idea she’d qualified for, which had covered most of her expenses. Had that been her p
arents’ doing?
She’d told Mark that people had the capacity to change. Had her parents? After speaking to them, she’d certainly seen them in a different light. She’d also told Mark that people could forgive. Maybe it was past time she did.
* * *
On Saturday afternoon, Laura Jo pulled her car into the drive of her parents’ home. Allie sat in the seat next to her. Laura Jo had told her about her grandparents a few days before. She had asked Allie to forgive her for not telling her sooner, and had also told Allie that they would be going to visit her grandparents on Saturday. Later that evening, Laura Jo had called the number that she’d known from childhood. Her mother had answered on the second ring. Their conversation had been a short one but during it Laura Jo had asked if she could bring Allie to meet them.
“Mama, what’re we doing?” Allie asked.
“I’m just looking, honey. I used to live here.” That was true but mostly she was trying to find the nerve to go further. The last time she’d been there, hurtful words had been spoken that had lasted for years.
A few minutes later, she and Allie stood hand in hand in front of her parents’ front door. Allie rang the doorbell. Her mother must have been watching for them because the door was almost immediately opened by her mother herself. Not one of the maids. Her father was coming up the hall behind her.
“Hello, Laura Jo. Thank you for coming.” Her mother sounded sincere.