Can't Let Her Go

I nod. I’m not familiar with these tactics, but I know the police lie and sometimes torture criminals in order to get them to confess. My second cousin was burnt with cigarettes all over his stomach when he didn’t give the right answers. In Russia, every criminal confesses sooner or later.

Hunter then adds, “I promise you I won’t confess. You can believe me because in my business anyone who rats isn’t going to live long. Understand?”

I nod again. Even though I should hate him and he’s taking me to a monster, for some weird reason I trust him.

“Good. Now, get some sleep.” Hunter lies down and closes his eyes.

I follow his example. Soon, the pills will work. I know sleep isn’t far away, but I hope I won’t dream of anything, definitely nothing about those two monsters lying dead in their own blood, inside their stinking house.

Hunter

After I’m sure she is sleeping I get up quietly and lock the door. I jam my shoe under the door for good measure. If I’m going to sleep, I’m going to sleep peacefully. I don’t want anyone wandering in. If someone wants to talk to us, they can knock. I settle down on my side of the car and I can’t help myself, my eyes wander over to her. I watch her sleeping. Even with the bruise on her face, she looks like a Princess. I have to swallow the lump in my throat when she mumbles something that sounds like Mama in her sleep. She’s so young. I think of Anakin and my hands immediately clench. I force myself to look away from her.

I turn to the scenery flashing past the window. I let it hypnotize me. I stop thinking. I have a job to do for Anakin. I repeat that line until it stuns my mind. Until there’s nothing left in my head except that line.

My eyes close. Sleep is welcome.

I wake when my body notices a difference in the movement of the train. It is slowing. We’re coming into a station. Across from me Katya smiles a little, I guess that a big smile hurts her jaw. I hand her the bottle of pain pills. “Is this where we change trains?” I ask.

She nods.

“Luckily, we don’t have a lot.” I retrieve my shoe from the door and unlock it. “Got everything?”

She nods.

I put the remaining food in my pockets. We might need it later.

She smooths her hair.

“Have any idea how long a layover we have?”

She shrugs. “The trains are almost never on time. If the train is there, fantastic. If not, you sit until it is there. We Russians are patient people.”

When the train stops, we get off with most of the other passengers. We move with the crowd to another platform where the train to Moscow is actually waiting. I think that for the first time since we started this journey, luck is on our side. We will need that luck too.

We find our cabin and settle in. Once again, we’re alone. That’s lucky too. I hand her a bottle of water, and she smiles. I would prefer talking to her, but perhaps it’s better that we don’t converse in English. People would remember that detail. If the police are after us, the fewer bread crumbs we leave the better.

We find a kiosk that sells phone chargers and I buy one. Having a fully charged phone is a good thing. If I can find Wi-Fi, I’ll text Anakin. I don’t know if he’s worried about us or not. I won’t say anything about the Sherpa, or the other dead guys. I have to assume anything I put in a text will be read by people on both sides of the ocean. Thinking anything less could land us in prison.

As we pull away from the station, I look out into the dark that’s arriving. This train is on a direct route to Moscow and perhaps in a day, we’ll be on a plane over the Atlantic. For the first time since we left the shelter, I feel like we have a decent chance of making it.

I plug in my phone and hand her another bottle of water. Got to keep her hydrated. It’s many hours and many stops until Moscow and while I’d like to talk to her, I shouldn’t. Soon other people will join us and it is a good habit for us to be as inconspicuous as possible.

I look out of the window and its pitch dark now. It reminds me that Russia isn’t like America. I guess much of the countryside remains unlit at night. The dark rushes past, along with anything that might capture my interest. There’s something beautiful about hurtling along in the blackness.

At every stop, we pick up more passengers. The first person to invade our space is a tall, thin man with a full beard. He greets us in Russian and we nod. Neither of us speaks, and that clues in the guy. Katya moves to my side and The Beard takes her spot. If her cheek bothers him, it doesn’t show. Perhaps, he thinks it’s nothing more than a domestic spat or rough sex. If he had met the giant, he would know just how rough the sex was going to be.

An old woman is next to join us. She carries a huge bag that she places between her feet, as if someone is going to steal it. She doesn’t greet us, and we accord her the same respect. The Beard has fallen asleep, or he’s faking it.

Two students are next and they take both sides. They’re eating junk food and talking. They pay no attention to the rest of us. We don’t exist.

Katya lays her head on my shoulder and goes to sleep. I stay awake. Trust is an earned thing and these people have not earned any. I look out the window into the dark.

Suddenly, I’m alone with a thought just as dark as the night outside. When I get back to Detroit, Anakin will see the bruise. I quickly gloss over the part when he finds out Katya is no longer a virgin. I pretend I’ll have a chance to tell him about Dimitri and Vasili. I tell myself Anakin will get a kick out of that story as he has no love for his fellow Russians who stayed behind. The smart ones, like him, he is always fond of saying, left that shithole for America years ago.

But another part of me knows these are fairytales.

Neither Katya or me are going to get past her loss of virginity. Both of us are doomed, and yet I am too fucked up to change the direction of my fate. I’m like that dog that is beaten and kicked and abused by its owner and yet growls at anyone who tries to stop the torture or hurt his owner. I cannot stop myself from being loyal to him.

The hours pass and a young woman joins our group. She’s pretty, but nowhere close to Katya’s beauty. She doesn’t smile when the students try to chat with her. They’re not in her class and they know it. She glances at me, then looks again. I guess I am a curiosity.

Night turns into day.

Katya and I silently eat the rest of our stash.

The old man looks longingly at our food so I offer him a packet of chips. He takes it with a big grin. The old woman then suddenly cracks a toothless smile at me and I offer her one too. She takes it and smashes the chips on her gums.

Eventually, there is an announcement and everyone gathers their things. We’re coming into Moscow, the end of this leg of my journey. I let the others clamber over each other in their rush to get out. Me and Katya are going to take our time. I’ve missed the original flight I had, but that’s fine. We simply have to get a ride to the airport. Once there, we’ll figure out where to go.

The train stops. Everyone crowds the aisles. We wait until the crush passes, then we leave the train and enter the station, a large and busy place.

“I have to use the toilet,” Katya says.

“Me too,” I answer. I point to the big clock in the middle of the floor. “We’ll meet under the clock, got that?”

Katya nods. “Under the clock.”

I watch her move off before I move off myself. I’m closer than ever to getting free of this place, this country. I will be very glad when I’m on the plane.

Katya

Hunter has made it too easy for me. I know exactly where he will be when I come out of the toilets. He will be easy to avoid. In a way, I feel sorry for him. He will return to America without me. Anakin will no doubt be mean to him, but I can’t let that worry me. This is my chance to escape, to not end up in someone’s harem.

And it’s not like I owe Hunter anything.

Yes, he saved my life, but I saved his too. If I hadn’t cracked the big brute’s head open he’d be dead. We?

??ll leave it at that.

I wish I had more money, but what I have will have to do until I can find a job. I rack my brain for someone I can contact. I know of one girl from my town who moved to Moscow. With any luck, I’ll be able to find her and perhaps have a bed for a night or two.

I slip out of the toilets and quickly make my way toward the exit farthest from the clock. I don’t have a lot of time. As soon as he figures out I’m not coming out of the toilet, he’ll start a search. By then, it will be far too late. I’ll have become part of the teeming millions of Moscow. I’ll be invisible. Finding me in Sutgot was easy. Finding me in Moscow will be a nightmare. I don’t look back.

But I’m not smiling as I reach the exit. I feel as if my heart has been torn out of my body. I feel as if I’m bleeding out.

Hunter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w7OgIMMRc4

(Sweet Child Of Mine)

I watch her leave the toilets.

I watch her glance at the clock before she turns for the exit.

I could stop her. I should stop her. If I go back without her, Anakin will probably kill me. He doesn’t accept failure. I’ll make up some excuse and say she was just too smart for me. Maybe, he’ll accept that. I doubt it. Even if he does, he won’t trust me anymore. But the truth is things have changed. I don’t want to take her to Anakin. The thought of him putting his vile hands on her makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know what happened to all those virgins and it bothers me that I’ve never once seen any of them.