Breathing hard, I watch her run like the devil himself is after her. She wrenches open the entrance door and disappears into the building. There’s a tightness in my chest. I reach forward and pull the passenger door shut. Then my foot slams on the accelerator pad and I speed away.
She’ll be mine come hell or high water.
Fifteen
Sofia
You can tell everything from a kiss and Jack Irish’s kiss broke me in two. His body told me what his mouth wouldn’t. He wants me with the kind of desperation I have never seen in a man. I tasted from the fountain of his need. And his need was vast. Like he wants to lose himself in me. I know I have to stay away from him.
I smile at the guard and walk quickly to the lift. Inside the lift I take deep, calming breaths and try to stop my body from trembling. When I get to the apartment it is silent. The nanny and Irina have still not arrived.
“Is that you, Sofia,” Lena shouts from her bathroom.
I clear my throat. “Yeah, it’s me,” I reply.
“Come and tell me what happened then?”
I go into her bathroom and perch at the corner of her bath. She is leaning her head back and the room is full of fragrant scents. For a few seconds the steam prevents her from seeing my expression. When she does see it she sits up.
“He kissed you,” she says in shock.
“Yes,” I whisper, touching my swollen mouth.
She looks at me carefully. “Are you all right?”
The question confuses me. “Yes, I think so.”
She stands, and with water and soap suds dripping off her beautiful body, she comes to where I am sitting and kneels in front of me. “It’s okay to be frightened,” she whispers.
My throat closes over so I can’t even speak. I just nod as tears begin to run down my face.
Her wet hand reaches out and smears my cheeks. I catch her hand. “I am very frightened.” My voice is low and hoarse.
“I know. But I’m here and I’ll never let anything bad happen to you.”
“He doesn’t know about me. About the past.”
“Of course not, but you’ll take it step by step.”
“He wanted us to go out so I told him I was mentally unstable today.”
Her head jerks back. “Why on earth did you tell him that? I’m more mentally unstable than you.”
“That’s not true, Lena. Sometimes I feel as if I’m skating on the very brink of an abyss. One wrong move and I could fall in.”
She stares at me, horrified. “That’s not true.”
“It’s true. You and Guy do everything for me. I don’t know what I’d be if I had to live alone.”
“Well, you will eventually. Step by step. Actually, I was going to suggest that sometimes you can stay here in the apartment alone. I’ll go back with Guy, and you can go out with Fiona, or one of the other girls at the center for a drink or a meal in the evening. In the morning you can do some shopping before you come back home.” She smiles hopefully. “Would you like that?”
I nod.
“Good. Now, what did Jack say when you told him you’re mentally unstable?”
“He said he didn’t care.”
Her eyes flash with promise. “I like Jack. He’s a good guy.”
“Yeah, but even good guys don’t want a prostitute for a girlfri-.”
Lena slaps her hand on my mouth so suddenly it makes my body jerk backwards. She looks at me with fierce eyes. “Don’t even let me hear you say that again. What happened to you was not your fault. You were just a child. You didn’t choose that life. What happened to you could have just as easily happened to me.”
I speak through the hand clamped on my mouth. “But it didn’t happen to you. It happened to me.” My voice breaks on me.
Lena wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly. “Oh, Sofia, Sofia. I’m soooo sorry. What I wouldn’t do to take your pain away,” she cries.
While we are wrapped around each other it occurs to me that I am hurting her. The person I love most in the world. I’m the older sister. It is me who should be taking care of her. I lift my hand and gently stroke her hair. “I have forgotten most of it now,’ I lie. ‘Soon it will all be gone.”
My sister starts sobbing. “You were always an angel. Always. Of all of us you were always the kindest and most gentle.”
“Don’t cry, Lena. It’ll be fine.”
She leans away from me and looks into my eyes. “You’re still young. You’ve got to grab life with both hands. The cake, the shoes, the man.”
I smile through my tears.
“You have to believe me that your past won’t matter a damn to the man who loves you.”
I think of the brand on my back and know that it will matter. Valdislav’s greatest sexual turn-on was to watch videos of other men fucking me while he rammed into me from the back. He let his eyes alternate between the TV screen and the sight of his name burnt into my back. But what other man is going to want to see Valdislav’s mark on his girlfriend’s back while he’s having sex with her?
“Did you hear what I said?” Lena asks.
“Maybe it’s because he’s moving too fast.” Feeling disloyal to Jack and confused, I cover my face with my hands. “It’s not just him. I lose my head when I’m with him too. I think I need more time to process how I am feeling.”
“Then take more time. There’s no rush. It’s not a race.”
I nod.
“You take as much time as you want, okay?”
I nod again. No need to trouble her with my worries.
Sixteen
Sofia
The week crawls by at a snail’s pace. I fall deeper and deeper in love with my Mika and enjoy watching her grow right before my eyes, but I no longer appreciate my solitude. Every second that I spend alone is full of thoughts of Jack. I replay the kiss a million times in my head. Each time I find myself craving for more.
By the time Thursday comes around I am a total wreck. I put my hair in a French braid and wear my good cream sweater. Lena says it suits me and I have to agree with her. I even wear some mascara and slick on some pink lip gloss.
Lena squeezes my hand. “One step at a time.”
We arrive at Kids Rule and Lena goes to her Fashion class, but I don’t attend. Instead, I join Lana in the office for carrot cake and tea. I really like Lana. She is kind-hearted.
We sit together eating cake, sipping tea and stapling leaflets that will be handed out in the new branch of Kids Rule in Manchester.
“My sister tells me you grew up on this very Council estate,” I say.
Lana gathers two pieces of paper together, staples them, and grins at me. “Yup, but not just me. Jack too.”
I raise my eyebrows, surprised and immediately intrigued to find out more about Jack’s past. “Really?”
“Yeah. We grew up together.” The stapler runs out of staples so she opens a drawer and takes a box out. “My father abandoned my mother when I was very young and Jack kind of took over the job of protecting me, even though he is only a bit older than me.”
How lucky she is. First she grows up with Jack protecting her, then she marries a billionaire who worships the ground she walks on. I should have felt envy, but I find that it is impossible to be truly resentful of her. She is so open and warm and kind.
“So you must know him really well,” I say softly, my hand playing with a crumb of carrot cake on my plate.
Her forehead furrows as she thinks about my statement. “I don’t know, Sofia. I’m not sure anyone really knows Jack. He's very deep. I’ve known him almost all my life, but I don’t think I know the real him.”
“What do you mean?”
“For most of my childhood I just knew him as loyal, kind, and protective. He was my rock, but one night he showed a side of him that totally shocked me.”
I lean forward curiously. “What was it?”
“My best friend, Billie, me and him had gone to a nightclub and some really rough looking guys wanted to dance wi
th me. I wasn’t rude to them or anything, but I refused their offer. They moved away and I thought that was that, but later when we got out of the club, they were waiting for us. They circled us. One of them had a knife. Jack smiled at me and asked me to walk out of the circle and they closed in on him.”
The old memory still has the ability to make her shiver.
“That was the first time Jack shocked me. I couldn’t recognize him. It was like watching a total stranger. I can still see him now. Shirtless, turning on himself, and snarling like some kind of feral animal, “Come on then. Who’s first?”
“I was terrified. You can’t imagine how horrible it was. It wasn’t like in the movies where the bad guys attack one by one so the hero has a chance to show his fighting skills. They advanced in a group, but Jack was lightning fast. He kicked the one with the knife first. Right in the throat. Before the guy could sink to the ground he had already punched the next one on the nose. Blood sprayed out of him. It happened very fast after that. All I really remember was two more guys dropping like stones. The last one was a coward. He ran away.”